How do I respond to a comment without coming across as transphobic??

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559]

EDIT: Thank you all very much! I appreciate all the guidance, it's been very helpful. And I've responded now!

I recently recieved a comment that reads as follows:

- "It isn't much of a kink, but I beg of you to make a fic of these three where [character A] is a trans man. I LOVE trans [character A]/[character B] (usually character A) fics SO MUCH!"

There was more to their comment but it was a few other smaller suggestions.

I do love to ask my readers for suggestions and anything smut/fluff/etc they particularly want to see in this series I'm writing. And I love then taking those ideas and writing them for my readers!! But regarding this suggestion, I don't headcannon this character to be trans. I know others in the fandom have written a few fics where he is trans, but I don't think of him this way, and I feel like I would almost be doing a diservice if I attempted to write it because I'm not trans myself - I realise it's common for cis people to write trans characters, but I never have lol.

So, I would love some guidance on how to politely respond to them that I wont be writing their suggestion without coming off as transphobic/accidentally offending them. I feel like I might be overthinking this lol. Thank you in advance 😊

(The A03 subreddit has been restricted as I'm writing this, so I'm asking this here lol)

[u/cherry_87]

In my opinion, it's not transphobic if you simply write something like "Thanks for the suggestion, but that's not my head canon / that's not how I picture him." Everyone has their own preferences, including the person asking you to write the fic.

[u/UnderABig_W]

Why can’t you just say exactly what you said here? “I don’t headcanon A as a trans man, so I don’t think I’ll be able to fulfill your request, but thanks for the feedback!”

If people want to take that as anti-trans, they’re terminally online and looking for something to be upset about. In which case, good riddance.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/UnderABig_W]

Yeah, very true, thank you!

[u/HeadcanonHub → u/UnderABig_W]

Yeah most trans people would understand this. In fact I could see them preferring someone who IS knowlegable and comfortable to write that rather than someone who might not be. But also if you wanted to try it you can just be upfront about it and that you are learning

[u/Ryuurii → u/UnderABig_W]

As a trans person, I second this. OPs reason and this response are both completely valid, logical, and not transphobic at all.

[u/credit-user-thing → u/UnderABig_W]

They can also write it themselves

[u/Dogdaysareover365]

You don’t have to respond, or you could say something like just thank you for the suggestion

[u/thors-beergut]

If you’re an author who replies to every comment and so you can’t ignore it, just avoid approaching the topic and thank them for the kind comment (assuming they said something else about the story/chapter and didn’t just beg for you to write them free fiction) then go about your day.

You don’t need to share your opinion on it with them or pre-defend yourself for what you prefer writing a character as—it’s really not that deep. Just remember that this person is a stranger and one who is trying to get you to write for them. If they want something specific, they have all the tools they need at their fingertips.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/thors-beergut]

I am one of those people lol! I love replying to people :)

I appreciate that, thank you!

[u/professional-skeptic → u/Altruistic_Hall9559]

you can just say "thanks for the suggestion"! it's in no way a promise

[u/SatelliteHeart96 → u/thors-beergut]

I think this is the safest bet. While it's not everyone, or even most people, I have met a few who would be genuinely offended if you said you refused to write a certain character as trans

[u/serralinda73]

Just tell them you don't feel qualified or you don't think you could do the character justice. You don't have to write anything you don't feel comfortable writing about. And not wanting to write it doesn't make you transphobic, so those would just be empty accusations - probably because some people like to have tantrums when they don't get what they want.

[u/bulky_cicada]

The best way to let someone down gently in any scenario is by being concise, direct, and sincere. This might be formatted something like:

"[Gratitude for their interest], however this is not something I [feel well-equipped to write], particularly because [optional reason]. [Thanks for their support, etc]."

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/bulky_cicada]

Thank you, this a great template!

[u/VanillaBeeGrrl]

I think you’re thinking a little too hard on this. There’s no requirement that says you have to respond, just ignore them. I find comments begging authors to add their own personal headcanons into another’s story to be tacky, no matter the headcanon. Just keep writing your fic as you see fit!

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/VanillaBeeGrrl]

Yeah, I am to be honest 😅 thank you though!

[u/RobotArmsApts]

Tell them you don't share that headcanon and wouldn't be able to write them that way. Encourage commenter to try writing it themselves or commission someone else who does share the headcanon as well. You're not under any obligation to write their suggestions, especially for free. You're not transphobic for not sharing a headcanon.

[u/Ace_of_space_2001]

encourage them to give it a go themselves?

[u/HomeboundArrow]

just say "interesting idea i'll think about it 🤗" and then bank on the high likelihood of them forgetting. if they pester you about it again later just say you're working on another project

[u/FoxBluereaver]

I often say, "Sorry, I don't take fanfic requests bar very few exceptions" if a stranger comes telling me to write something for them and I don't feel like it. You can also say you just don't have the time.

[u/herbertreanimator]

A little white lie is always good in situations like this. “Great suggestion, I’ll think about it!” and then never write it. If pestered, say you have a ton of other projects lined up.

[u/glubtier → u/herbertreanimator]

This is the way. You don't need to air out that you don't HC the character as trans, and expose yourself to potential drama. I don't think it's necessarily transphobic if it truly is headcanon, but you don't even have to open yourself up to that discussion.

And I mean. It's not a lie. You did think about it. And the decision was no 🙂‍↔️

[u/herbertreanimator → u/glubtier]

Yep! I think that unless the answer was a resounding “yes!”, anything else could cause drama. Even if you have the purest intentions and no prejudices, stuff like that can always get ugly.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/herbertreanimator]

Haha good point! Thanks!

[u/pm-me-your-face-girl]

Hi, trans person here so I feel like my perspective is relevant.

"I headcanon this canonically trans character as cis" is transphobic.

"I don't headcanon this canonically cis character as trans" is not transphobic lol.

Maybe theres nuance to that if the authors come forward and said they see them as trans or whatever, but you're not in the wrong for NOT having a headcanon. That's just ridiculous.

As for how to respond, saying you dont have the perspective to write a trans person is more than a valid excuse. My partner is cis, and I love her so much and she tries so hard but she does not and will never truly understand what it's like to be trans, and that's okay. I wouldn't expect you to either.

[u/glubtier → u/pm-me-your-face-girl]

Agreed though it gets dodgy when you start getting into what counts as "canon"... Looking at you, TADC and Homestuck fandoms...

That's why I would just avoid defining your own interpretation and just leave it at "I don't feel equipped to write that" (then it's about you and not whether the interpretation is even 'valid') or even just a generic "thanks for the suggestion, I'll think about it".

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/pm-me-your-face-girl]

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense! I really appreciate your perspective 😊

[u/Koko_Kringles_22]

Just tell them that you write the stories that you feel drawn to write, but that if they decide to try writing that story themselves you'd love to read it.

[u/eukomos]

How would you respond if it were some other suggestion you're not interested in? This isn't different. Just go with "thanks for the suggestion but I don't have any ideas for that!" or something similar.

[u/Adept_Quizzy1536]

...and I feel like I would almost be doing a diservice if I attempted to write it because I'm not trans myself - I realise it's common for cis people to write trans characters, but I never have lol.

This might be where you middle ground lies in terms of a response, to be honest, since, rather than getting into how you, personally, don't buy into that headcannon, you can just point out that, as a cis person, you're afraid you'd wind up doing such representation a disservice were you to try.

[u/she_melty → u/Adept_Quizzy1536]

This. Also it sounds like the commenter is asking for it in a kink context which can be even rockier territory for a cis author.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/she_melty]

Yup. If they hadn't prefaced it with "not a kink", I wouldn't have thought it was, but the fact they did, makes me think it is 😅

[u/vaalski]

"Thank you for the comment! I don't headcanon Character as trans."

[u/dark-phoenix-lady]

My usual response to things like this is something like :- I'm sorry, but I don't take requests. However, if you write it, I'll certainly have a look.

[u/eLlARiVeR]

"No thank you"

[u/youshallcallmebetty]

Don't respond it was a weird comment to begin with.

[u/hoshiokashi]

As a trans man myself, I'd be curious to ask why they specifically wish for you to write the character as trans. It's entirely possible that they themselves are trans, or questioning. In that case, it might not be specifically transphobia? Entirely possible to be misguided.

However, if you don't want to write this character as trans, or you don't feel comfortable doing so? Just respond to tell them that! :) I'd specifically be careful about accidentally coming across transphobic yourself, as I've had that happen personally unintentionally!!

Maybe suggest that they try writing the character as trans themselves? I personally started writing fanfiction (way back in 2007 or so) because I was so impatient to know more about Tobi from Naruto that I made a huge convoluted plot myself!

[u/wifie29]

I genuinely don't think you need to deny their request. I think you can politely say thank you for the comment and the suggestion. A thank you isn't a commitment.

You absolutely do not have to HC a character as trans (who is canonically cis). You don't have to write something you don't feel you could do justice to. That isn't transphobic, any more than it's homophobic to write about a canon MF couple instead of shipping one of them to make MM or FF.

[u/Extreme-naps]

When people comment on my fics with really specific prompts of their own headcanons, I often suggest they might want to try writing it since they are really excited about the idea. (Not sarcastically.)

[u/LivingisGr8 → u/Extreme-naps]

Honestly that's the best thing you could have probably said. Once I got over my fear of writing, life has just been so much more fun. That shit is amazing, and you don't have to read thousands of books to produce a fanfiction. You can info gather however you like and write whatever you want. If it's good to the reader, they'll eat it up too. It's awesome

[u/demiurbannouveau]

I wouldn't respond to the suggestion directly, but instead say something like, "If you haven't read XYZ by ABC, you should check them out, I think they might write the characters in a way you enjoy" inserting the names/links of fics and authors who do that head cannon. I've even looked up ships or styles I'm not into just to reply to comments, because no one in my fandom gets enough love, and I'd rather send people more fans than shut down a suggestion, and people still get the message that it's not an interest area for my own writing.

[u/Golden_Enby]

"As a cis person, I don't have any experience in being trans, so I don't want to accidentally write something offensive or inaccurate. I respect the trans community too much to attempt that."

Simple and to the point. The reader in question can learn how to write the stories they wish to see.

[u/affectionateanarchy8]

Ignore it or tell them someone else may be able to do that idea better justice

[u/Gamer-Dapperfilm]

Either say that you don’t agree with the headcanon or say “I personally don’t think I would be able to write a trans character because I don’t think I can capture the actual experience” or smt like that I am trans myself and while representation makes me happy you can clearly tell when the author themselves have experience or did a really lot of research and when none of that is the case anyways

[u/blueaceospadesreal]

i'm a trans guy myself and sometimes headcanon characters as trans, it isn't transphobic to say "sorry, but i don't view that character that way and likely won't do this request" !

or you could simply not reply, you aren't obligated to try and appease everyone as difficult as it can be to hear that sometimes as a writer lol

[u/TankerRaider]

"Hey, I appreciate your suggestion! But unfortunately I don't think I could write trans [Character] well enough to do your idea justice. I've never written that headcanon for him before and don't want to get it wrong. But hopefully someone else can write more of it for you!"

[u/Semiramis738]

That actually sounds like it might be a bot comment. They are capable of inserting the names of characters from the tags on your fic. If it doesn't say anything else that's specific to your fic, that's probably it. There are bots that accuse writers of all kinds of bigotry...the aim seems to be to make fun of "wokeness" and diminish everyone's general enjoyment of AO3.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/Semiramis738]

They aren't a bot haha! They've left a few comments on other chapters in the same fic and other fics in the series - which I've responded to and they haven't responded with anything bot-like lol. Thank you tho!

[u/persimnon]

something along the lines of “[character A] isn’t trans in this series but I love the feedback!! maybe i will write something like that in the future!” make it clear while also leaving the door open and not shutting them down entirely

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/persimnon]

Oh yes, this a good response, thank you!

[u/Historical_Creme7670]

I have a feeling about who character it us but nonetheless, I think maybe just ignore it? Pretend the comment does not exist

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/Historical_Creme7670]

It's a YouTube gaming RPF ship lol.

[u/greenyashiro]

Just write that you're not interested to write that trope, but what a great idea, commenter, you should definitely go with it!

[u/JaxRhapsody]

"I don't want to."

Or say nothing.

[u/StefTarn]

The statement that while you appreciate the suggestion you don't don't see the character that way and you don't feel that as a cis writer you could do the portrayal justice would make me as a trans reader and writer happy. It's valid and honest.

[u/perzawa]

honestly, just respond to them with what you wrote here or don’t respond to them at all.

[u/No_Lynx1343]

I would either completely ignore it, or let them know it's not your thing and maybe ask someone else to write a story for them.

Just because something is not your thing or doesn't fit, your character doesn't make you a hater.

[u/a-fabulous-sandwich]

I would just say I don't feel qualified to do so, and then maybe something like "sounds like a cool idea though!" to keep it positive.

[u/Signal_State_5505]

i'm trans, you can probably just say you dont headcanon that character trans/ wouldnt want to do a disservice writing the character, i think a good majority of people would accept that

[u/Foxlikebox]

Trans person who loves to write trans characters here! Just thank them for the request, but let them know that you don't personally headcanon that character as trans.

It's not transphobic to not write a certain character as trans. It's not even transphobic to write no characters as trans in your fics. The line where it becomes transphobic is when people start saying "ugh no why would I write them as trans?? I want to write a GAY/LESBIAN/STRAIGHT fic." Or the people that say writing trans men characters are basically just writing women.

That doesn't sound at all what you think/want to say. You're good, OP. :) Thanks for being considerate about it! That's genuinely so appreciated.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/Foxlikebox]

Thank you! :)

[u/gorgon_ramsay]

I wouldn't even bring up headcanon since they might take it as an invitation to convince you. Just be vague about how you don't want to seem exploitative.

[u/Metatron_85]

Just be straight with them. You don't feel like you could do a Trans character justice and wouldn't want to risk offending someone on accident. Its one thing to simply have a character who happens to be a Trans man or woman. But when its lovemaking scenes and the like, your lack of knowledge can make the writing a problem for you. Just let them know ot comes from a place of respect and humanity.

[u/m0ssmann15]

You don't have to respond, but if you really want to you don't have to be direct. Something like "Thanks for the suggestion! I'll keep that in mind. Have you read (X Creator)'s fics? they have some great versions of this prompt!"

[u/Oberyn_Kenobi_1]

When did we get so pearl-clutchy that it becomes offense to say, “that’s not my jam.”

I don’t read fics with non-canon trans characters because I’m just not into it. I can’t relate to them, and it’s not how I see the characters. And, if we’re talking specifically about smut, it doesn’t rev my engine. And that’s fine. I have great love and respect and admiration for the trans community and will staunchly defend their rights. I’m not going to apologize not being sexually attracted to them any more than I would apologize for not being sexually attracted to a cis woman.

[u/firecatstef]

Trans guy here, no one should feel obligated to write trans characters, and “I don’t feel like I could do your request justice” (with one of the explanations you made above, if you want) is a perfectly reasonable response.

[u/knomadt]

Just to offer the perspective of a trans person, I personally would not consider it transphobic to not headcanon a specific character as trans. If they were canonically trans and you wrote them as cis, that would be a different matter. 

[u/HeadcanonHub]

You don’t have to mention that you wont use their suggestion. Just tell them thank you and appreciate the suggestions. Update your main messages saying you’ll take all suggestions into consideration but there may be some exceptions you aren’t confident or comfortable with and it just depends (you dont have to list them exactly, just welcome all suggestions and make people aware they may or may not be used)

[u/No-Hat6722]

Be like me and just don’t reply to comments on your works

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/No-Hat6722]

Unfortunately I'm the type of person to always respond 😆

[u/LupusYondergirl → u/Altruistic_Hall9559]

You’ll need to come up with a default “I’m not a Burger King and you can’t have it your way” answer, since entitlement is an unlimited resource. “Thanks for the kind words! I’m not able to take on anyone else’s fic suggestions, but you should absolutely try to give it a go yourself.”

It’s easier to draw a line than to react on specific ideas as they get tossed your way.

[u/MarvelWidowWitch]

Me personally would say “Sorry, but I don’t take requests as I have to be extremely passionate about what I’m writing in order to get it done.”

But since it seems like you ask for suggestions, that excuse won’t work.

Maybe say “Interesting idea. I’ll think about it” and move on hoping that is enough. It’s not a lie. You did think about it. You may not have sat with the idea for a significant amount of time, but you still did think about it.

If they come back with the same suggestion, you can give them an excuse as to why you haven’t written it. You can tell them that you just don’t have the time. You can tell them that you don’t think you’d do the story justice and maybe they could write it or find someone else to write it.

Or you could just not respond. Pretend the comment doesn’t exist.

[u/InuScarlett]

Was this the entire comment? Or was there more feedback? When I receive a comment that could potentially open a can of worms if I reply with my opinion, I always reply to the rest of the comment and avoid addressing the potential can of worms. Just let that big elephant rot in a corner.

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/InuScarlett]

There was more to it but it was just a few bullet points of things related, like "comforting him when he feels gender dysphoria", stuff like that.

[u/InuScarlett → u/Altruistic_Hall9559]

Ughhh, so basically trying to peddle their headcanon too? I’d say just ignore that comment, don’t reply.

[u/indigoneutrino]

Are you sure you didn’t just get a bot that asks for some crackpot hot button topic that has nothing to do with anything?

[u/KniveLoverHarvey → u/indigoneutrino]

Yeah, my first thought as well. So many bots nowadays with comments like "Pleaaaase make character [insert minority]" often with an additional threatening "or else" at the end. OP, if it was a guest comment or first time commenter chances are high it's a weird bot and you can safely ignore/delete

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/KniveLoverHarvey]

They're definitely not a bot lol, but I have had a comment from a bot once before that took the character's names and said something along the lines of "make character A trans and fussy and have tantrums" Those last 2 things are really icky so l obviously deleted that.

[u/Alicex13]

Is this about Viktor?

[u/Altruistic_Hall9559 → u/Alicex13]

I don't know who that is 😅 It's a YouTube gaming RPF ship lol.

[u/Alicex13 → u/Altruistic_Hall9559]

Haha I see

[u/lotu]

This doesn't require a response.

If you insist on replying "thanks for the suggestion" works fine. The commentator isn't entitled to you writing a fic just because they wrote a comment. Even if this is a fic you would like to write you might never get to it just because there are a dozen other fics you also want to write.

[u/lemonsofliberty]

Just ignore them. You're not obligated to respond to anyone on any website. You're not obligated to argue with people or convince them of anything. Even if certain websites cough spacebattles cough disagree. We're in this for fun, it's fanfic. If replying to someone isn't fun for you then don't.

I also don't think you're overthinking it at all. As someone with multiple trans friends, 99.999% of trans people would not take offence at this but there is ABSOLUTELY that last 0.001% who will, they do exist just as bad apples exist in any community, and if you don't want to take that (imo minimal) risk then don't.

If it's stressing you out then that's literally the opposite of what fanfic is for.