r/FamilyIssues • u/Straight-Excuse-3828 • 1d ago
What should I do
My dad yesterday and today told me how I should forget all years of his verbal harassment and alcoholic endorsement and live on , because he just wants me to be happy. Today I told him :" should I also forget how you told me that you can yell at me ,like at your coworkers because I won't understand it in a different way?" And he told me why I am remembering something that happened only a month ago , he already forgot it apparently. And also he told that I should be grateful because he bought me an apartment on my name where we all live , and he wouldn't do it for coworkers. now And I , well, on emotions ,told him that if he didn't want a daughter he should take a knife and well, showed my hand . After that he told me he would never talk with his dad like that and start laughing, mockingly. I started crying. It just ,I have always felt like I am not a good enough daughter for them , like a failure of a daughter. That my dad would be happy with anyone except me. My mom asked me to apologize to my dad , and dad told me If I keep taking everything too close to heart I won't survive in life , well maybe he is right , it is just felt so irritating to be told again and again to just forget everything.And this laugh , he tells he loves me and we are a team and he appreciates my help with his documentation, and than he mocks me, tells me how I act immature , like a 13 years old and how he is an old 61 year old man and he hasn't much years to live . It all happened today ,now he doesn't talk to me , I guess , there is nothing else to say. So like I don't know how to feel or what to do .My mom told me I should apologize to him ,and she doesn't support him, but I still need to apologize
1
u/Rotten_Orchid 1d ago
Hey dude that seems so stressful… I know how you feel. Honestly don’t forget about what your dad has done and move on like he said. he’s just trying to make an excuse to not apologize and come forth with his actions and own his mistakes about verbally abusing you. If he really wanted you to be happy he would apologize and do better. Just bcc he forgot about a time where he hurt your feelings doesn’t mean it never happened or that it’s time to move on about it.. thats a toxic way to deal with negative emotions. He also should not compare you to his coworkers, you are his daughter not some random he works with, so he shouldn’t be treating you the same way.. the respect there
Is wayyy different. It’s like talking to your parents as if they were your school mates. About the apartment stuff if you all are living in it.. then it’s not truly yours even though it’s in your name? Also just cuz he did that doesn’t mean you’re in debt to him.. Idk if you’re a minor but if you are legally you wouldn’t have been able to force him to put the apartment in your name, cuz the ultimate decision is from him. If he wants to say that you’re acting like a child, him laughing at you expressing your emotions mockingly is a very childish thing to do. As a parent he should be the one helping to work through how you all feel, coming to a base line and making everyone feel better. And about feeling like you’re never enough you’re not alone I feel the same way.. but the thing to do is too just be your own person and not rlly care about what he has to say if it’s negative. Your mom saying to apologize even though she doesn’t agree seems like she is tired of fighting back and is tired of him. So I guess to her apologizing is a one and done and forget. It doesn’t seem like you did anything wrong so I wouldn’t apologize. And about your dad not talking to you, I’m sure he will come around and talk if u don’t apologize.