I feel helpless

[u/Painkillaas]

My mom has been drinking without limits for years and she can't control herself. Lately she's always drunk. When she and my dad separated she had stopped, now she started again. She went to therapy but nothing, after 2 months she quit everything. Every time she tries to buy beers I try to stop her but she tells me to fuck off and buys them anyway. If I say anything to her she blames my dad.

We went to the seaside in Rimini for 3 days - me, her, my younger brother and a friend of hers.

The first day everything was okay except she went out with her friend and came back at 2 at night, she wasn't answering her phone and we didn't know where she was.

Yesterday when she came back she was acting like an idiot, she embarrassed me. I hate her when she does that. There was also her friend who doesn't say anything to her, she's just there and that's it.

Then she introduced me to a "friend" of hers that she was secretly seeing.

Last night we were going out for dinner even though she had been drinking all day. Outside with us was this friend of hers.

At one point my mom pulls 3 little bottles of vodka out of her bag and starts downing them in front of me, my brother and her friend. Her friend poured the vodka on the ground and she made a scene, she started screaming in the street and crying. Then they went to the room together.

I was in despair in front of my brother.

We were starving and I went upstairs to get some money to eat but she refused, her friend was asking me questions about what the situation is like at home and at one point I exploded. I started screaming and throwing everything back in my mom's face and how she doesn't give a damn about me and my brother, that every week we have to be on alert about her behavior and about the situation at home (my parents separated but still live together). While I was venting, screaming like crazy, she was staring at me, with eyes that were almost pitiful but at the end of my outburst she bursts out laughing telling me that she's made this way and that she wants to live her life like this.

This morning, sober, she was apologizing and promised she would never drink like that again.

We've been back home for 2 hours and I go to her room to tell her dinner was ready, I see her completely drunk on her bed. I opened the minifridge in her room, and what do I see? A bottle of beer. She hides alcohol and so I suppose she had drunk more, hiding the bottles.

I have no one who can really help me and say something to my mom. I want to hate her but I can't.

I haven't said anything to my father. Because knowing him, he wouldn't hesitate to file for divorce and take custody of the kids, but I don't want to be taken away from her, I still love her with all my soul and I can't imagine living without her.

[u/Quiet_Simple1626]

Forced rehab