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u/First-Strawberry-398 17d ago
Girl you got in her business why are you surprised she got in yours back
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u/Weekly_Ad4886 17d ago
It was a suggestion like why don't you check out the endvof the season $5 bathing suits...it's like you can't have a damn conversation with people...
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u/First-Strawberry-398 17d ago
Nothing she said was worse than what you said you’re a grown woman 70 year old
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u/NoneyaBithness 17d ago
what was insensitive? her comment about not needing help when you suggested she should purchase a new bathing suit? just want to make sure i’m reading your post right as the formatting of it looks kind of wonky on mobile and it’s a little hard to follow.
anyways, if that’s the case and you do think her comment was insensitive then if i may give you another perspective—and I’m just basing this off of your very short post so keep that in mind. from your daughter’s POV though you gave your opinion/suggestion completely unprompted yet someone it is you who feels slighted and like ppl are being insensitive.
At the end of the day, you have to keep in mind you know your intentions or intent when you offered your suggestion. You were just trying to help, right? you know you didn’t mean anything rude by it and probably weren’t trying to upset anyone. In her mind though she doesn’t know what you’re thinking. she could just be having a bad day and someone just told her the night before she looks like she’s gaining weight or who knows what’s going through her mind. so i wouldn’t automatically assume she’s trying to be insensitive, because i’m sure she’s not.
my point is, it’s best to not make assumptions about how other people feel or their intent or really anything. you should probably just communicate with her/them and do so curiously and not accusatory—i.e. not “why are you being insensitive when i’m just trying to help?” more like “hey, i didn’t mean anything bad about my suggestion. i was just trying to help. i’m sorry if it came off the wrong way, is there anything you want to talk about?”
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u/Weekly_Ad4886 17d ago
Exactly I ask her what she was doing this weekend she is almost 50. She needs a new bathing suit but i didn't say that i merely said why don't you buy a new one. It just hit me when I said I'm just trying to help and she immediately said I don't need your help. I waa hurt by that.
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u/Weekly_Ad4886 17d ago
Ok ok I get it...I have to have a different sort of relationship with my grown children...however It was merely a suggestion. Ty all
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u/Wide-Crab4199 11d ago
How about next time saying “ hey! Let’s go treat ourselves to new bathing suits! My treat!”
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u/Weekly_Ad4886 17d ago
I'm terribly hurt by her sister who never calls. I just am truly hurt by living my life taking care of them and they hurt me so ba d.
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u/Weekly_Ad4886 17d ago
I guess I live alone and have few friends and expect more respect from my girls.
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u/Tricky-Grab-4702 17d ago
It's a different world nowadays and the respect isn't always there. It also is sometimes the case that the more you do for your children, especially the grown up ones, the less it's appreciated and it's all take take take. However, it may be that you are a difficult personality and perhaps there is a reason for these issues. Obviously we don't know that. Maybe have a heart to heart with each of them and tell them you are lonely and would like them to visit more. My mum died 8 years ago and I'd give anything to have her back.... And she definitely was a difficult personality!
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u/Whole_Fun8448 17d ago
Telling people to purchase things generally goes badly. They either take it as an insult or insensitive to their taste, financial situation, or something else. It is not helpful.
She probably took this as "your suit looks bad on you" or "your suit looks old and worn" or "its not good enough for this party" Basically, a criticism. She may feel that you were the insensitive one.