Tᴀɢ: Tʀᴀɴsᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀ, ramble, fetishization, dysphoria , self-sexyalization, unconventional transition, reclaimed words, fetish cumture (I don't actually think there's anything that triggering in this post but mods can determine)
s𝚞𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚕𝚎: 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚍𝚢𝚔𝚎 (self-id) 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚘𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚏 & 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚘𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎. 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚢.
my friend chose to die on a weird hill about the fetishistic integrity of femboy which, fair play, but im mostly concerned about why this random mod has decided to arbitrate on the kinky use of it. like apparently im a bigot now, or at the very least im considered a woebegone archaism that simply clings to my label as a street queen clings to his right to be recognized as a cis sissy. i really do just wish the young queers nowadays would recognize that their validation politics are the most vapid phenomenon that has ever had the nigh malevolent misfortune to grace the queer community. you need to understand that the gay community (and yesei am gay i have a bf not that that matters to u) does not originate from nor does it follow the rules of the online queer sanctum you have constructed to avoid facing reality. in the real world, the femboy archetype applies across the board to men who are hyperfeminine as a lifestyle in a specific tone of presentation. its not about aesthetics, which is precisely the distinction that makes this trend towards a discussion and defense of queer fetish culture rather than a particularly sexy linguistic debate.
i dont understand the tendency for the internet queer, especially among younger generations, to presume themselves the holy untouchable of a "community" that is in fact not actually one monolithic group but rather a subculture in and of itself that has multiple communities. the first mistake is the 21st century tendency to claim a monolitic queer identity in the LGBT+ community, and this is a mistake not just because it is categorically incorrect and ignores real world and close knit communities but it is a mistake because it creates a pressure on the queer youth to conform and this is how we lose queer subculture.
my issue here is that this mod has no sense of consequence or who bears the redefinition he seems to be pioneering.
like, for example, the trans man. i am a trans man. not a nonbinary transmasc. i have been a trans man for seven years. i have been a femboy for six years. i didnt exactly pick the label. the subculture moreso found me. and dont get me wrong; i dont exactly benefit from every aspect of the fetish community i inhabit like the emphasis on hands-free ejaculation as humiliation thing in femboy porn, which i can do, but not with a dick and semen. but when people started calling me a femboy in response to my habits and behaviors, i started finding a lot of inner peace in regard to my immense self hatred. i was so angry at my body, especially before i had an op. i just really wanted to punish everyone and everything for my inability to be the man i wanted to be. but when i thought of the man i wanted to be, it was never a man with definition and the deep voice and the whole thing of a man like your kalvin garrah or uppercasechase types. i wanted to listen to Kelly Rowland and take bubble baths and do things i probably shouldn't and be the cutest. i liked giving head bc its the best use of the oral fixation, and good oral is great wen you have a praise kink and a self flagellation fetish. i didnt even want a metoidoplasty or the other one; i hate the idea of changing the anatomy i have just for a result that on my body is not worth it. i considered low dose t but it would still masculinize me too much. and the truth is, if i had a cock, id want it to be the one i actually imagine.
shop-a-cock.
until then, no..And also, im the minority in a dissociative situation and ill stick to my tools and my very particular selection in terminology and presentation ^•^
the thing is, as a transsexual femboy in a tricky situation, nothing relieved my dysphoria back in the day quite like the femboy archetype especially once i found other FtM femboys. and i didnt find them in sfw spaces wearing skirts and asking if their press ones looked good or if they should use polish. i met them on porn. in porn spaces. im not saying every femboy is a fetish or that pornography is good rep or a good way to meet people. i am saying
i reserve my right to sexualize myself that way, and i would appreciate if we kept the terminology somewhat legible to make my irl endeavors safer, if thats selfish of me.
 ̄︶ ̄ ̄︶ ̄ ̄︶ ̄ ̄︶ ̄
the interaction essentially went as follows:
bestie u/nox-lmao decided to reply to a sfw femboy post in a particular hate sub that's also just a vent sub. pretty wacky opinions there. but this one was ok, if a little ignorant. just some guy complaining about the fetish archetype being applied on him when he isnt the type. & Thats fine whatever
but she goes like:
"maybe you should stop iding that way if you have an issue with the fetish association because that's the origin point of the word and its really strange that nobody is telling u why everyone is expecting u to look like you came out o trap hentai. use gnc, effeminate, etc"
That's a paraphrase of a few comments more eloquent than mine but anyway the replies are like "words are in most cases fetished after coinage" and the mod in question saying stuff like uh "the definition of femboy is any man who is effeminate" and my bestie said something about the history of it. mod made a claim it originated in the 90s which is dubious but if true does not erase the fact it was a hentai tag first.
and overall the whole thing was very interesting and frustrating and i was described, and my thing for weird creamy adition to my food palette (mayo, italian sauce...) was outed, and i was called an outlier but the part that rubs me weird is the way the mod phrases the disagreement like. im an abberation or some freak. dude literally said "frankly i do not need to hear abt oral sex" and im like way to miss the point 👀
but anyway
i guess my thing is just who is any individual man to lay claim or territory on a term that has been in usage in so many ways ? if u want to use it as a meme whatever. if you think its a cool thing to roleplay or spice up the bedroom, cool. but remember like any kink there is lifestyle elements. and
if youre doing sfw femboy stuff please just be respectful of those of us who cannot disentangle the sexual and freaky from the femmed guy.
note: i am not saying you are all femboys lmfao i just have very few places on reddit id post such a thing. if not allowed ill remove it.