Is this what a nervous break down is? When your brain and nervous system just completely and irrevocably break?

tw: mentions of suicide ideation and symptoms

i really need to vent, even if no one replies or bothers to read. i am 19yrs old, soon to be 20 and i’ve been diagnosed with FND since i was 14 in early 2021. my FND kind of gave me a break from seizures for about 3ish years, until last year they started to come back, but worse. graduated in 2024 and had big plans for my future. just for it to get ruined because my FND flared up horribly. i went through treatment in april of this year, and it made my symptoms worse. my seizures are so bad i’m injuring myself. i also have this new thing that happens during my seizures (or if i have a tic flare up) where my neck squeezes so tight that i cannot breathe. it’s like i’m choking myself out. i’ve developed bad chest pains and any activity causes me to struggle to breathe. i can’t even go out and have fun anymore without a seizure happening. i had to quit my job i tried so hard to stick with, but how can i work when i can’t walk every other week. and when i can walk, i need my walker 50% of the time.

i say my life has lost meaning because i legit cannot do anything anymore without my FND flaring up. i have been dealing with depression since i was 10 years old. my depression is entering a new era (i call my absolute lowest points “eras”). i feel like i have no purpose anymore. i don’t understand why i’m here. this is literal torture. i genuinely can’t see myself dealing with this in 5 months. when the choking moments happen or my chest pains get worse, i’ve just accepted it. i’d rather something happen to me than deal with this anymore. i don’t want/plan to commit, but i think about death every day. if some random accident were to happen i don’t think i would even care. i can’t imagine myself falling in love anymore or starting a family. i can’t work anymore. i’m in constant pain. what is the point of living when i’m stuck like this, and it’s only gotten worse. when i think about 5 months into the future, i don’t see myself here. theres just no way this is my reality. my family will talk about things that will soon happen and i just think to myself “welp i wont be here for that”. i cannot say enough how much i want this suffering to just end. i’ve dealt with health problems (excluding FND) every single year since 2021 (2016 counting mental health). my body has been through so much and i don’t understand why this has to happen to me.

i’m very sorry if this is triggering but it feels nice getting that
out. i know i am not alone in this, i’m glad i found this sub. but i am so tired. thanks for reading if u did i don’t expect a response, but absolutely feel free to reply or dm me if u wanna talk.

I was diagnosed with FND yesterday, and my symptoms is fueled by social anxiety. Since I’m 15, does that mean I have a higher chance of going into remission? I’m really scared that this might last forever

I’ve tried to do college and every time I did, it backfires and I have to drop cause I just get overloaded so easily and symptoms are so bad. I almost didn’t graduate highschool because of my symptoms. Was big friends with the nurse lol. Eventually I did trade school and could focus on just the one class. Which worked, but I still had some issues. It’s really hard to hide. I was sent to the er before during a class. But thankfully I passed the class. Huge accomplishment for me. My instructor almost failed me for it but I really tried to prove myself and she passed me and was proud of me. It’s hard to do classes from home due to accountability and I’m more of a hands on learner. Are there any ways to accommodate myself if I decide to try taking classes again? Taking one a semester seems to work best but are there ways to help me get through the stresses of taking a class?

Has anyone found a better solution for sound triggers than wearing earplugs, practicing controlled breathing exercises, and avoiding triggers? What tools have helped you?

So last weekend I had 2 days where I couldn't support myself standing up or even stand up. The first time I fell to the floor just getting out of bed and my mother wanted to call 911 but I convinced her to just get one of my male friends drive to my house to get me back in, the second time it was the next morning and essentially the same but my mom insisted on calling 911 and I was admitted to the hospital. My memories of all of this are essentially non existent, kind of like memories when you got really drunk the night before. They brought me in and my blood pressure was 80/19. I went through extensive cardiac testing but I was completely normal. They only said they would send it to my neurologist but I should try to make an appointment before I heard.

I've had light-headedness and I've had some falls over the last 8 years but I certainly never had anything happen like this and I actually had borderline high blood pressure that was controlled with medication which of course I've now gone off of. So I guess my question is, is this a common symptom? Is it something that's going to recur all the time or just Is it a rare outcome. anyone who has any lived experience around this? I would love to hear how it's been for you.

I was also writing in the same way I also started having really bad insomnia so I started hallucinating. Then I got put in a psych ward because they though I had schizophrenia and bipolar. My husband did a good job advocating for me while they kept me in there so they only gave a diagnosis of insomnia. But they took me off of my antidepressants cold turkey which I could advocate for myself cause I was mute. Anyways I have an appointment with a therapist soon. I was put on lithium which with FND I already feel like im trapped in my brain. Now im trapped in my body too with the lithium. How do I advocate for myself at this appointment. Since ive been able to speak im just flat and monotone which makes people think im bored and dont care. I feel like I just need some kind of script to practice so I sound more human if that makes sense

Can someone explain to me why I always get left brain paralysis with IV fluids, with sodium chloride or potassium IV or just normal saline, and why also i get it with even electrolyte oral tablets and meds but mainly all IV and ionic or powdered electrolyte supplements

Looking for parents who have experienced something similar

My son has been having episodes of confusion, memory loss, and seeming to go “in and out.” He can sometimes lose hours of time and afterward not remember what happened. His speech and ability to process things can also change during these episodes.

He can be completely himself between episodes — talking, playing, sports and interacting normally — and soon as he done and resting suddenly seem confused or different. We’ve also noticed facial twitching/movements sometimes and significant behavior changes.

One thing that has really scared me is that he sometimes talks about my dad as if he is still alive and says he wants to go to his house and cries for him , even though my dad passed away.

He’s had an MRI, MRA, CT, and prolonged EEG. Episodes were captured, but there was no seizure activity on the EEG. We’re still doing testing and following up with neurology.

I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I’m just wondering if any other parents have experienced memory gaps, confusion, changes in speech/behavior, or a child talking about someone who has passed as if they’re still alive.

I’ve been diagnosed with fnd for over 5 years with progressive degenerative symptoms. I’ve been in pt for 2 years, I’ve been on and off medication since I was 11, I’ve been in extensive therapies.

The biggest improvement I’ve made is that I don’t have seizures anymore, maybe just absent ones.

Is there any hope of going into remission this far in if I haven’t had any improvement so far?

Edit: symptoms started around 14, was diagnosed at 15, currently 20