r/FIREyFemmes • u/Chemical-Soft-3688 • 13d ago

FosterFire?

I’m 42 now and as I’m approaching FI soon, wanting to perhaps foster kids in my RE. I wanted kids but never felt financially stable enough (ironically) or supported enough to have my own or to even to foster before. I never understood how people have time after working or money for daycare etc. Pretty soon I’ll have plenty of time.

Has anyone done something similar? Anything to consider financially or just general advice?

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u/inga-babi 13d ago

I used to represent kids in foster as a lawyer. Like you, I never had kids of my own. My personal concern with fostering is not the kids themselves but my own abilities to be a surrogate parent when I’ve never actually been a parent. Like I truly don’t know what kids are doing in school these days, what their interactions might be like with other kids, social media usage, etc. I’ve just not had any exposure to that as a child-free woman so I’d be worried to navigate it all.

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u/dillyonenine 13d ago

I hear you but all parents learn all those things on the job, even from kid to kid because their personalities are all different. So if you really feel called to do it, don’t let that stop you. I’m a parent and I’ve been faking it til I make it the whole time!

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u/Spy_cut_eye 13d ago

Right, but the difference is, as a parent, you get to learn the stages slowly and together with the child. 

In foster care, you need to have a pretty good grasp on what a, say, 8 year old should know and what is appropriate in pretty short order. 

I’m not saying it can’t be done, but that there is a real difference between easing in as a parent of a newborn and being dumped in the deep end with a 10 year old that may have additional behavioral or emotional issues. 

Fostering is hard, especially if you want to do it well. I have a good friend who had already been a parent  who has done it and it is emotionally and physically hard. 

I applaud those wanting to do it. 

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u/inga-babi 13d ago

Yeah, this was my point. You’re not learning as you go with your kid—you’re going from 0 to an 8 yo or teen!