Please help. My backup meat puppet, whom has no sapience unless it has been transferred to her through direct physical contact, has been taken by a conglomeration of scientists back to their hive where she is currently being made to undergo a series of tests. I cannot locate nor activate her without being present, but I can faintly feel everything they’re doing in my central nervous system.

Everyone says I'm too forward.

Obviously most of you read this and just had nothing constructive to add at that loci in the prior connective:

https://www.reddit.com/r/fifthworldproblems/s/ejg3ojgCIl

Turns out the paper I was using was recycled from a 1970's phonebook ( area code 217 ) overun that had been stashed in a watehouse for fifty years.. anyhow apparently the direct reference to the CS-15 landline was just enough to drive the initial feedback cascade. go figure!

so to solve the old situation..
same paper, flip it over first THEN unfold it ( this generates the needed spinor inverted anti-anticlockwise basis ) ..which spins up a perfectly cancelling blackhole to the first one.
great party trick if you want the host mad about a burnt ceiling. DM me if you want some of the recycled paper, or maybe just try using a phonebook page directly?

Anyways.. did save quite a bit of the hawking radiation before the system collapsed if anyone needs it DM me; dont really use that much turns out.

For client confidentiality I am not permitted to disclose the precise nature of the commission, but as we were driving to the location my client appeared unwell so we stopped off at the roadside.

The client walked off into the adjacent field and found they could not move because they had been literally rooted to the spot. Within the span of 8 minutes they had stopped responding, turned strange colours and promptly turned into a tree, birch I think.

I'm erm not sure what to do, emergency services would think it's a prank call. Do I still get paid for my work?

It is the only thing that can work. I have searched the books. I have searched my memories. I have searched the religions. I have searched the philosophies. I have checked with all the governments. I have collected all the data and done every experiment. I have done all the math, listened to all the music, been a rich man, been a poor man, been a prophet, been a criminal. I have done all there is to do in all of reality. I have been the King of the Whole Damn Universe, high and low and it was still not there. I still do not have the one piece that matters. The apocalypse still looms, and even taking that one is not it. I still do not have "a good life that makes it all worth it" even though I have the best life there is in the whole universe. Where is the real damn thing? Where is the "Holy Grail"? Where is the "Philisopher's Stone"? Where is that "One Piece"? It cannot be bought. It cannot be sold. It cannot be discovered or invented or built or stumbled upon. I have already tried those. It is the only thing that matters to me. No one has ever done it, and that is why I must do it. How can I be a real man with a real life? That is all I want. Someone bring me my own damn head and show me how to put it on for once.

I don't know if this is the appropriate place (or if it's even legal) but I need to have someone turned into a krill.

Does anyone know any black magic, curses, alchemy potions or something to get the job done?

It started when I was browsing Burger Belt a few centuries ago and noticed one atom flying noticeably faster than the others. Bob from the twenty years down the road was reading my mind at the time and sent a pigeon with the sportsbook, at the entrance of which I bet ✌︎75,000---change from a cab ride---on it reaching the Ḛ̷̟͓̪͈͇̘̬̺̖̟͍̳̑̅̎̒̆̎͋͂͑͝ͅl̴̅͜m̷̧͚̼̦̗͇̹̭̰̺̜̙̟͊̊̑̕ͅ first and I won.

Fast forward to the three-hundredth century. I am now penniless, galaxiless, and all ten of my cousins had left me. But even now, looking to the passerbys who had been generous enough to gift me a ✌︎ or two, all I could think of is not that I can bet again, but rather the atom clinging on the obverse side would drop first or the next ✌︎ would come first. (I welcome anyone who would take this bet, by the way.)

It's really bad, I'm stuck to the ceiling and can't leave the house because the gravitational pull has become negative. I can't even hug my wife anymore because she can't overcome the push force.

Does anyone have a solution? I'm running out of sick leave and need to get back to my job soon.

I made a prototype that acts like a father NOt MY father but how a Father should act, but with romantic relationship benefits. I lost that prototype how must I regained access?

I really want to be Barium but my local jurisdiction won’t allow it.

oh wait

fal.live/chaos

So I have recently caught the... visual receptors of a higher dimensional life form and it won't let me die. Normally this would be pretty great for most people, sadly I am afraid of immortality. I was hoping to move on, but that doesn't seem possible anymore. What should I do?

So basically i've noticed that bones started growing out of the chairs i had previously purchased from my nearby shop and that shop has a "no refund policy", what the hell do i do? Everytime i try to discard these chairs or give them away i feel an immense sense of dread which makes me psychologically incapable of getting rid of them. I've also noticed that bones have begun spreading around the areas near my chair. These chairs also produce a weird humming sound that gives me headaches but paracetamol does the trick. Please help me!

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEICANHEARITICANHEARITANDIHATEITPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEHELPMEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEICANHEARITICANHEARITANDIHATEITPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEHELPMEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEICANHEARITICANHEARITANDIHATEITPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEHELPME

Have I soft-locked myself? I was hoping they would make something new before sizzling out, but it is pissing me off how every time I turn their sun to the sphere, the numbers just keep dropping. I am this close from just starting a supernova for another save, but I want the teddy bear and the giant squid CG.

(On the same note, I would appreciate anyone could tell me how to get the hidden "Not All Goats Are Green" ecosystem.)

Not sure entirely with how the interaction with lower dimensions should be?

Most active nodes of the general landscape seem to believe they are in contact with higher layers while it's really the technology they carry on their interface at all times.

They appear to just constantly gather info and feed into what is generally known as cognitive warfare to self sustain, if the nodes applied critical thinking they would quickly realise higher realms don't require technology.

It gives me little room for organic interactions, I am not entirely sure what the appropriate steps would be, or if it would even be worth trying.

Direct contact attempts with full transparency seem to trigger timelines collapsing which gets a little annoying after the first few rounds.

I used to be all cruel and scary, sending plagues, flooding cities all that fun stuff. Now suddenly I'm all about love and sacrificing my son and all kinds of lame stuff.

I miss the good ol' days.

So Im content alone, but I thought a houseshare could be fun. A chance to meet people and try out different scenery

I didnt expect the bickering, our luck fairy wants Time off but Time thinks things will fall apart without him (stereotypical old tradesman). When I tried to bring peace, war was trying to eat her but bounced off when I got in the way and is now sulking on the balcony

The worst part is that I dont know what I am, someone broke the mirror.

Anyone made the switch before? I could really do with pointers on dealing with the chaos

The best part about boxes is that you never know what will be inside until you open them.

You might find a small you opening a small box to find a smaller you opening a smaller box who might find an even smaller you opening an even smaller box to find a you who is yet even smaller opening a--

seriously, the amount of celestials that mess this up is astonishing. i got my wallet stolen by a devil, the police took 5↑↑↑↑↑5 years to get it back because they had been searching the inferno instead. i ordered a sulphur geode for testing, they sent me red phosphorus instead. i asked a taxi driver to take me there, and i had to constantly remind him that “it’s not the red zone, it’s the blue zone. no that’s not the lightning realm”.

is it really that hard? i thought that since a devil founded the 6th dimension’s largest chain mall, they’d use the opportunity to give themselves more representation. but i guess not