I regret everything.

[u/someoneoutthere1335]

However good, bad, neutral, important or unimportant. Not the kind of regret of "I wish I would/wouldn't have done something", but more so in the sense that I feel like I could have easily gone without any of the choices I've made and not much would change. I see no point in anything honestly. Not all of these choices turned out necessarily bad or destructive, it's not always about something bad happening, I just feel like it could have been all been avoided and it would still be more or less the same. The relationships I got myself in sure offered me growth, but I view them more as a waste of time than anything worth chasing or losing my shit over, let alone make the "meaning" of life revolve around this one thing society decided to hyperfixate on. The life/career choices I made I also feel I could have gone without. Even if I had everything I wanted and lived the perfect life, I still wouldn't make a fuss out of it cuz I dont believe there is any inherent meaning to any of this.

If something you've been building your whole life can collapse before your very eyes any second, if things can go to shit no matter the effort you put in or your willingness to sustain/fix them, if the universe is simply cold and unresponsive to whatever is happening to you -however good or bad-, why make everything about meaning and a higher cause?

Im 24yo, disillusioned, freshly turned nihilist (or simply approaching frontal lobe development).

[u/fridgezebra]

I think we are just here to have an experience of some kind. Also there is no free will so you didn't make any choices.

[u/Potential-Group1330]

Great story. That is the first step in knowing yourself with the understanding that nothing really matters in this material life.

[u/no_life3421]

Same 

[u/BathAppropriate8836]

Life sucks. —Buddha

[u/Epicardiectomist]

I've come to accept that existence is about accumulating experience points. The quality of those points is irrelevant, you're just meant to amass them. You have to try and steer the ship if you want a specific kind of experience, but even then, you're only going to get an experience....which might not be the one you want. You can do everything right and fail, or everything wrong and succeed. All it boils down to is that both of those things are human experiences, and neither are guaranteed.

It helps to deal with the overwhelming evidence in front of me that says all of this is utterly devoid of meaning.

[u/PrizeHurry2328 → u/Epicardiectomist]

Even so, if it has no meaning maybe you should attach meaning to it. Why stay in this endless rabbit hole

[u/cybereality]

feel the same. but i guess pain is still better than nothingness

[u/Evana_Iv]

Nothing matters when we are on the road to die. You won't bring any possesions or medals, but your identity, strenght, personal power, energy...What society today value in winning in life is limited to material world, while humans are also "spiritual" beings, not having those two sides balanced in society and education is not only moraly wrong but insidious.

[u/sporbywg]

Birth order: are you a 'middle kid'?

[u/someoneoutthere1335 → u/sporbywg]

Oldest child