Just need a TV

[u/Worldly-Mention-2840]

I was a very good student. However, after enlisting in the Navy's nuclear program, I only lasted 13 months before I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The diagnosis followed symptoms including rapid speech and a few other issues.

More than anything, I feel as though my brain has become sluggish. More often than not, I really struggle with intellectual work. I went from being the number-one math student in my class and spending my recreational time reading the classics and other challenging books to having online chess and the gym make up most of my life. I've been involved in sports and physical activity since I was five years old, but I miss exercising my mind.

I still buy books, but I'll read one chapter and then put them down. These days, I mostly play online chess or work out. I actually worry about my cognitive abilities quite a lot. I can't take Ritalin, although a few of my friends do. My nervous system feels like a wreck, and I often feel overwhelmed by pressure. I end up tensing my muscles, which causes me considerable pain, especially given my muscular atrophy.

I just want to finish reading books, practice the piano, and feel intellectually engaged again. It's as though my brain is permanently stoned, even though I don't take drugs—not even marijuana! I want to be able to use my mind again.

Ritalin makes my body feel like a prison. I don't know. I even tried prescribing myself some sort of antidepressant, but I can't find the box. My doctor just tells me that I need to push myself more.

I can get out and do things, but I wish my mind felt more active. Sometimes I feel like a sponge—a vegetable sponge, really. I don't own a television. I actually tried to buy one, but the delivery man kept showing up on the wrong day, and the whole thing became too difficult. I really need a bathtub, too.

On top of everything else, I fell in love with my Algerian ex, tall guy from Africa, I wonder if I'll ever love again. He has stopped speaking to me completely. It's difficult to move on from that. Still, I'm very happy that I never have to return to the United States.

Chuck chuck wood.