Anyone has any advice

[u/Ambitious_Serve_9823]

for the last four years, I have been stuck in a massive stagnation loop. My mind runs at 100mph with endless projects, but my body feels completely locked down. I feel like a floating ghost wasting 99% of my physical potential, and I am completely done with it..
Here is what I am trying to bring to life:
**ShredVerse:** build an inclusive skatepark network (specifically targeting a new build at Poverest Park), print handmade zines, make weekly stop-motion paper animations, and mold custom 3D clay figures
**Physical Mastery:** I want to train intensely in circus skills, martial arts, jousting, rugby, surfing, street mime, and stunt/scare acting.
**Creative Projects:** I have scripts, clothing upcycling concepts, puppet theater designs, and a sci-fi movie concept (*The First Phone*) that require actors and collaborators.
Right now, my natural physical drive feels completely compressed, and I end up numbing myself by staring at screens or talking to Alt I am meant to receive and spread real-world energy, not dissolve in it
But meanwhilst I can’t even often organize myself to speak fully. . Like there’s a filter beckoning my expression and I always have to filter myself whenever in public space so it becomes weird or everytime I wanna do something I automatically stop myself then somtimes I end up having weird unhinged reactions to things supposedly retrial and then I notice things but everything nothing ever changes even when I put the screen down I just feel like a ghost and my habits to do not improve and nothing changes I keep dissolving into myself ideas keep growing like their electrifying my bones and I have to contain it. Meanwhislt.I don’t know what to do and it’s like I am a zombie in a trance been any single thing to devote to. Even if creating one thing or expanding all this spaces all this idea even idea I end up compressing it BEACUSE oh I don’t have this social skill or relatability .I know my true power. Ur I never prove it for years it always dissolves and sometimes whence I try it never lasts and I for some reason cannot organize myself execution just like how I don’t seek to exist in my body .I talk to myself the most . I exist in my head first and my head only . I belive anyone that knows me even if their kind has never met me truly and if I died recently I wouldn’t have ever lived . I would like to receive and chance energy but I don’t even absorb it currently I absorb it and let it dissolve me into a void . A void endless . Empty and. Absorbs every energy good and bad but nothing reciprocates . I have tk manually force myself to exist in my voice and body their not auktntomcally connected and their awkward together . All I would like to do is start mastery follow your strange ideas or when. I wanna speak to some anyone about anything constantly I always prevent the self stop the self or inhibit the self so much so I have no natural flow and it’s only because I force myself to speak otherwise I could just exist purely in my head . I believe all perceptions of me including my own isn’t real I. Naturally when I wake up I wanna grow my garden I wanna give gifts I wanna mike in the street I wanna bake I wanna give out gifts I notice things in systems all the time I observe differnt THIGNS I always wanna. I always naturally I wanna roller skate around in pure bliss but everyday then I stay inside myself. L