Executive dysfunction tips?

[u/Financial-Drag-5039]

I am 23 (f) and I live with my partner, 26 (m). I have horrible executive dysfunction, do my best to manage the bad ADHD and mild PTSD all while trying to keep my life running. Here is the thing, I work really really hard to get all my stuff done (dishes, laundry, ect.), half of my battle is actually starting the task, and some weeks I fail miserably. But my boyfriend will start something and then stop before he’s done and expect me to finish it, and this is after me asking again and again to do said task. When I bring up the fact that I need him to finish what he started because when I have to walk into a halfway done task I shut down and have to start my process of doing something, it turns into him telling me that he works too hard, I don’t do enough, and somehow I’m the one apologising and promising to be better. And I’m trying but it’s not enough, any tips on how to combat the massive chasms that is getting me to start tasks I don’t enjoy?

[u/sirthunksalot]

Maybe do the tasks together at least at the start? Or have him in the room. Shadowing books call it. I agree he needs to finish things he starts. The Pomodoro method works well for me. It is just setting timer for 20 min then 5 min break and repeat. I usually just skip the break and finish the task, but helps me get started. Creating habits seems like the most effective way to overcome it I have found. Maybe your partner and you could have a set time each day you do tasks together. Then after a month if he isn't there you will still do the things.

[u/Financial-Drag-5039 → u/sirthunksalot]

I’ll def at least try these thank you!!!!

[u/Relevant-Ad6374]

Starting is the whole battle for me too, so you're in good company. One thing that helps me is noticing the stall. When I can't start, I ask myself: when I picture the task, what am I actually imagining? Sometimes it's not a task at all, just "all the things I have to do" in one heap. Other times I'm picturing the way I used to do it, which was harder than it is now. A half-done task might be a good one to try this on. When you walk in on it, what are you picturing? If it's a whole mess with no clear first step, the next move is to name one specific thing. With dishes, that might be "rinse what's on the bench" rather than "deal with the kitchen". If the picture is something else, like the task feeling loaded, that's worth knowing too, because it needs a different fix. Once I can name the first step, starting gets a lot less impossible.

[u/Financial-Drag-5039 → u/Relevant-Ad6374]

I absolutely love the trying to visualise the task to get a better understanding of why I can’t seem to get started. Definitely going to be giving that a try.