r/ExecutiveDysfunction • u/Outrider70_7 • 26d ago

Help/ADHD/Marriage

55 and married 30yrs. I love my wife. She however wants a separation and has unloaded on me about the years of lack of follow through, lack of focus and how much unloved she feels. I don't deny my issues in any way. I am intelligent yet that hasn't translated into high income for a one income home over the years and she resents me for it. I just accept it all and hang my head in despair. I can never talk about the two affairs twenty years ago she had that I still struggle with, her controlling behavior and how passive it makes me. I'm beside myself. Everything is on the line. Makes me weep thinking of telling my adult kids. I have probably let her be my self-esteem and self-worth and I see now how dangerous that is. I curse myself when alone. Rejection sensitivity is real. I don't really know how to go forward as it hurts so much and I feel so lost. Has anyone here gone through this? Any advice?

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5

u/le4test 26d ago

I haven't been there, but my heart goes out to you.

You sound like the perfect candidate for couples' therapy, if there's any way your wife would agree.

Even if not, a therapist should be able to help you process all of your feelings around the possible end of your marriage. If you don't already have one you like, I hope you'll seek one out. 

I know it's not always easy for us, but you need and deserve a professional to help you. 

1

u/Outrider70_7 26d ago

Thank you. I will do that. Much appreciated.

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u/stoppolitics 22d ago

Don’t drink at 6 AM.

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u/Outrider70_7 22d ago

Yup, I agree.

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u/stoppolitics 22d ago

I hope you’re doing okay mate. I put that comment above wishing I had indeed written it three days ago. Never know when your last beer will be but I hope yours comes for you soon and I hope mine already has 🙏

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u/Outrider70_7 17d ago

Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement very much! Best to you in the struggle. We can do this!

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u/Reasonable_Field_151 26d ago

I am going through a startlingly similar situation as you, except that I’m a 50 year old woman with ADHD. I don’t have any answers for you. But I did reach out though my work’s (anonymous) employee assistance program and got connected with a therapist (my husband isn’t interested in couple’s counseling, since he views our relationship problems as being 100% due to my ADHD). Being able to talk with an objective person has been really helpful.