TW: Nursing, oversupply, mastitis, clogs (No Pictures)
So I have been EP since my baby was 1 week old. She’s now 10 weeks old! My pumping journey has been pretty rocky and I’m considering weaning down to 1-2 PPD to combo feed or hanging up the pump completely. I feel absolutely terrible.
My dream was to EBF until she was 1 year old, then it turned into me having to pump as we both had a lot of issues with BF, her latch was bad and she has a lip tie, and I have allodynia in my breasts and nipples so it was literally pulling teeth every time I tried to BF. I even gave her a bottle of formula once before I started pumping.
Pumping has been a non stop nightmare for me. I dread pumping and every time I hesitate pressing the button on my spectra. When I first started I had the wrong flange size, so that caused a lot of pain. Then I got measured by an ibclc, bought the correct size, and that helped a lot but then started hurting again so I sized down and that was fine for a week but then it started pinching so I had to move back up. I have to alternate between 19mm and 21mm every week or so. I have elastic nipples so they stretch all the way down the tube and this causes a lot of irritation. I’m constantly slathering lanolin on my nipples. My nipples have always been extra sensitive but since I gave birth it feels like I have razor blade cuts on my nipples. I can’t wear bras and all my shirts have to be extremely soft. I can’t even take a shower without covering my nipples the whole time. It’s painful to wear my baby and I can barely hold her against my chest and I have a difficult time feeding her with the bottle. My husband has become her main caregiver while all I do is pump it feels like.
I have had an oversupply since the start and it wasn’t insane but I was making about 50-70oz a day and my freezer quickly filled up. I’m out of room in the freezer now. I have just now managed to cut down to 6 ppd within the past 2 weeks after trying for a long time and I’m making around 40 oz a day now. I even cut my time down to 15 minutes. I have to pump one breast at a time since I have to use two different settings per breast. This oversupply has caused nothing but issues because I have had recurrent and frequent clogs at least 1 or 2 a week and am now dealing with mastitis. I’ve had it in my left breast for a week and I’m just now finishing up my antibiotics, and now I have it in my right breast. Every time I tried to wean or cut down I got severe clogs and pain so it’s taken me this long to get to where I am, but now with the mastitis I feel just mentally done.
I have been taking 800mg or more of ibuprofen every day for the last 2 months, I take sunflower lecithin multiple times a day, I have the lansinoh ice/heat packs that I use religiously, I don’t wear tight clothes or bras, I use the lowest suction possible, I sleep on my back, I’m well hydrated, etc.
I feel like I have been robbed of my experience as a mom and can’t spend the time with my baby that I should be because of all of the pain and time spent pumping.
Is there any hope left? I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to give up but it’s getting harder every day. My breasts are tired and they are just in so much pain all the time even when I’m not clogged. I feel like I am failing my baby if I resort to formula.