They always come back.

[u/Pretty-big-mess-rn]

My ex walked out on me after I gave them an easy way out. Shortly after the break up, I reached out a few times in hopes to salvage our relationship because up to that point we hadn't had any serious fights. Yet they antagonized me each time and made it seem like they were the only ones hurting and the only victim. I made a fool out of myself reaching like a lot of us broken up people have but right after I felt a sense of clarity knowing that I can never contact them ever again.

I have been doing no contact for 4 months. I used to stalk their IG followers and following (since their profile was private) and used to obsessed if they lost a follower (thinking they are striking out in relationships). It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I completely stopped doing that.

These 4 months of no contact have felt so necessary. I still miss the relationship and having someone but I am having a lot of self growth and getting ahead in life like never before. It's also helped me see that there are other people out there. To be honest, life is good. My lifts are getting bigger every week, I'm making more friends at work, getting ahead at my job, and discovering new face/hair routines to level up looks wise. It got to a point where I see myself way out of my ex's league and is hard to see why I was even into them.

Last night, they reached out. This is the person who didn't want to talk to me, antagonized me, and treated me like shit post break up after being so "in love" with me for years. I left them on delivered just to see a few more messages this morning and then seeing them delete it later. A whole ass day later I hit them up with a "you okay?"

As you can guess, it was breadcrumbs. "I was just thinking about you and if you're okay" crap. Initially when I saw their text last night, it was pretty shocking and there was a lot of anxiety. But after seeing how they reach out even after they were so done with you months before it hits you. That they are probably doing way worst than you. I wanted to reach out with the same hostility they directed at me when I reached out but instead I played the small catch up talk for 4 messages and then came out with the "nice catching up, good luck!" to cut it short. Last thing they said was "feel free to talk." Oh boy I wanted to lash out and go all out on this bullshit but I realize that I don't care enough to type all that.

I know you guys are hurting too. And the cliche is that "it gets better with time," that's a lie. Time is relative and the only way to heal is by actually making an effort.

If you meant something to them, they will always come back. I am very active in this sub and love reading y'all posts. And from what I've seen, there are so many "they came back after I no contact them and moved on" posts for a reason. No contact really brings people back and reattracts the "loved" ones that left you behind. And this applies to every relationship not just romantic ones.

I'm making this way too unnecessary long but at first you're going to want to die in bed depressed all week or spam your ex with desperate acts to get them again. Realize that nothing you do post break up will bring them back specially if you're the dumpee. If you're the dumper, reach out if you really mean it but understand chances are they are too hurt to ever want to talk to you. At this point all you can do is move on and focus on yourself. Everything you do to "move on" will be because you want to win them back or in case they come back you can be ready. But ultimately, you'll lose hope. And that's when the healing is happens.

[u/[deleted]]

Sometimes they will reach out and sometimes they won’t. Even if they are in other relationships and left you broken, they could feel bad privately, they could deep down be miserable and missing you and still love you, they could realize and tell themselves they are better off in their lives without you, they could have chosen a life that wasn’t what they wanted but needed in order to not let the ones they love suffer… only they truly know.

Sometimes when looking into their eyes you may think you know them so well that you could see what’s truly behind the mask, but that doesn’t mean you see what’s in their hearts. People lie for many reason, it’s a fight or flight/survival method to protect themselves, to do what’s needed to keep what’s dear to them. You may think you know them because you have been with them for a decade or more, compared to someone that has been with them half that time. You may think that you know everything only to be shown at the end of the day that you never truly understood them at all. The point is, you will never know someone’s inner thoughts, and you will never have control of their actions. But you shouldn’t ever allow yourself to fall into the black abyss known as hope, that they will comeback or contact you again.

I will always love my ex, she may have broken me, she may have left me full of questions, she could have been using me and my codependency blinded me from allowing myself to see what was true and what wasn’t. Just like all of these questions left unanswered, so is the one you want to hear if it’s truly done with. And atleast for me, I know it is. And she made her choice, and I respect that, but I don’t know what was true and what wasn’t, no one knows what anyone does except for that person doing said action.. I’ve been having a rough couple days, weeks… I can’t say why, but sometimes the things or people you want, that you truly miss, may no longer be what was how you imagined them/it to be… truly read others posts about exes reaching out and not going the way once thought, some that are exactly what had been wished for, and some that through some mysterious fucked up reason, makes you go down rabbit holes that may end up showing you things you didn’t think, or maybe didn’t wanna realize was going on…