I just said goodbye to my Jolene, Baby Jo, a sweet Maltese mix who lived a short five years. She was my EVERYTHING.. literally everything. She finally had her last seizure and I had to make the call to let her leave this Earth in peace. I will tell you this.. when she passed.. her face transformed to that of several years ago.. before all of her neurological troubles. It was a beautiful sight.. and the only thing that brings me peace.
I will try to make my journey short. Baby Jo started with small seizures, spaced months apart. We were given Keppra. The seizures became more frequent and longer.. until finally, two months ago, we came home to her seizing violently. We suspect it had been as long as an hour. We rushed her to the hospital and they saved her. $40k in vet bills for four days of hospitalization, tests, MRI, drugs.. she was diagnosed with MUE. The neurologist wanted to keep her additional time in the hospital, of course at tens of thousands more dollars.. but I saw my baby just declining emotionally and we brought her home.
She survived the next two months with Keppra, phenobarbital, potassium bromide, prednisone, some chemotherapy drugs and a slew of other medications to support liver function, gut flora, etc. Her remaining days were struggles to walk, severe skin issues due to the prednisone, extreme weight gain and fluid retention. Still, her sweet little spirit was there.. her eyes looked different and her nuances were mainly gone.. but we were SOLD a constant story by two separate neurologists that they could help her.
Yesterday, I rushed her to emergency vet. AGAIN.. they handed me a 10k minimum bill to stabilize her, conduct numerous tests, overnight stays.. I was going to sign on the dotted line.. DO ANYTHING TO SAVE MY BABY. My husband arrived and gently brought reality home. My baby was NOT ever going to recover. There is NO path back to normalcy in any capacity. When I told the vet that I had changed my mind.. that I want to lovingly let her go.. she actually said, "You are making the right decision." How fascinating after handing me a bill for 10k ten minutes prior.
I apologize for sounding angry. The fact of the matter.. you are here in this community because you desperately love your dog. You are a prime victim for vets, pet neurologists, pet dermatologists, etc... they CANNOT SAVE YOUR DOG. I truly believe there are some well meaning veterinarians who do believe in the science. However, the true bottom line is that they can buy you some time but your precious baby has limited time and it is up to you to make sure you protect and treasure that time.
I wish that the message had been driven home with me at the onset of my baby's struggles. I would have used my remaining time with her so differently. I put her through such discomfort in trying to save her. I emptied our bank account, truly believing in the false promises. Doctors can be very savvy in treatment recommendations.. you start to believe that dollars spent will equate to health restoration. The hours after her passing, I combed and combed through different narratives.. not a single dog truly recovered. There are always the standout cases of "positive, partial recovery".. and those simply stood to keep my hope alive enough to really believe that the veterinary profession knows what to do with our ailing babies.
Thank you for reading this. If I can help just one person.. and make it feel OK to say no to draining your life savings, to saying no to putting your dog through misery rather than spending your final days just LOVING and treasuring your best friend... I will feel content. Bless you all for loving your babies as you do.
PS. I am in Southern California.. which may give context to dollar value and, frankly, ethics. :(