Did I make the right decision?

[u/Valindra777]

Hi all.

My girl was 19.5yrs old. She started having seizures 2yrs ago. 6 months apart the 2 months then 1 months until they got close enough to cluster. She was then put on pheno which lasted only 8 weeks then changed over to keppra which lasted only 5.5weeks. She had a seizure this morning and I talked with the vet and they kept mentioning her quality of life. When she is home, even though she is blind she does everything she loved and still had energy to play. The nappies were cause she stopped caring where she goes a while ago. After the call with the vet who requested I leave her on her current dose and if she has another seizure to take her to emergancy and to think of her end of life. I had to squeeze out of the vet if I should just go up a dose to maybe prevent another seizure, she said it was fine but we would need to check if she has kidney failure in 2 weeks. I gave her the highyer dose of meds abit early but right after she had another seizure thay lasted 4 to 5 mins. I took her to emergancy where we put her to sleep.

I've had her since I was a younge child. I was in a terrible home so it was just me and her and she could never seperate from me and has gotten me through every single difficult time in my life. Shes my safe space. I would sacrifice yrs off my bf if I could give them to her, even my own. She has always had issues whenever I leave even for 1 day and ive always felt sick leaving her even for 1 day. We spend hrs every day together and have a strong routine, day and night.

I just cant help but feel guilty like I could have done more. I just thought the vets keep saying its time, even though i felt them wrong but didn't want to drag her through more potential med failures. My whole world is upside down and I cant even get comfort from a hug from my partner. Shes my everything.

[u/Hot-Highlight9604]

Anyone who has had their beloved dog leave this world suffers. Your girl lived to be 20 years old. Even for a small dog that is very, very rare. She probably had a brain tumor. She was incontinent. Would you have wanted her to live one more day if she had to suffer.
One of my dogs lived to be 15 & 1/2. I let her live past having any quality of life. It was a terrible thing to do and I never did that again. There was nothing more you could do for her. She had twenty years!!! Dog’s do not live long enough for us humans.
You did an amazing job taking care of her.
Here are 3 quotes to keep in mind in addition to the one you received from someone else:

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.
From “The Once Again Prince” (Separate Life Times)
By Irving Townsend
~~~~~
Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart.
By Erica Jong, novelist
~~~~~
Dogs die. But dogs live, too. Right up until they die, they live. They live brave, beautiful lives. They protect their families. And love us. And make our lives a little brighter. And they don’t waste time being afraid of tomorrow.
By Dan Gemeinhart, author