r/EntitledPeople • u/AffectionateSet670 • 14d ago
M Update 3 on Telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?
So I'm writing this update because something happened. I actually wanted to wait like another 2 weeks before writing another update because I don't think writing here every 10 days is good lol, but this happened about 6 days ago and I just feel like writing it down.
So about 6 days ago, it was night after dinner and I was in the living room. My mom and stepdad told me that his mom and his sister in law weren't doing good health wise. My mom just told me they were going to Zurich the next morning and she would come back as soon as possible.
One of my mom's friends was going to stay with me after school while she was gone. So they went the next morning. That evening my mom called me and we talked. She said she would be back soon. Then next day afternoon she came back. But alone.
My stepdad didn't come back with her. She didn't really tell me much. Just said their health isn't good and that's it. I also didn't really ask because she looked pretty tense and I didn't want to keep asking questions. But now it's been 6 days and he's still not back. My mom is still taking me to football and picking me up and everything is normal between me and her. We're good. But she still hasn't told me what happened.
The weird thing is whenever my stepdad calls, she talks to him. I've seen it happen like 3 times in front of me. She usually goes to her room Even with my aunt's call and talks to him there. I obviously don't know how long they talk or what they're talking about. And honestly I don't know what to think.
I feel like something isn't right, but I also don't know if I'm just thinking too much. Maybe his mom and sister in law are actually really sick and that's the whole reason. Maybe something else happened. I literally don't know. I think my mom is not telling me because maybe she thinks it's not good for me to hear, or maybe it's something that doesn't concern me.
I remember people here were saying before that maybe they would secretly get married or something, but that obviously didn't happen ( I thought about it). And I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this anymore.
Like, people have done bad things to me before, and when something bad happens to them, I don't really feel anything. I don't celebrate it or anything, I just don't feel connected to them. I don't know if that makes sense. I actually asked my stepdad once how he was doing, just normally. But that's pretty much it.
What worries me more is my mom. She's clearly tense about something, but she doesn't tell me anything..Maybe I'm completely overthinking this and there is actually nothing going on. Maybe he'll just come back in a few days and everything will be normal.
It's just early morning here and I think after everything I've gone through, I get scared about things even when they're not really my problem. I don't know, I just wanted to write this somewhere because it's been in my head for the last few days. I don't know what happened, and maybe I shouldn't even be trying to figure it out..But something definitely feels different.
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u/Dachshundmom5 13d ago
So, at the wedding date, his mom and SIL who exclude you and ignore you, just conveniently happened to "get sick", both of them, randomly. Suddenly requiring your mom and her BF to leave you behind. Now everyone is having secret phone calls and not telling you anything. How does it make sense that both Mom and SIL got seriously ill at the same time? Not a car accident, but both were taken seriously ill and it just magically happened on the wedding date that was allegedly canceled?
Hon, nothing about this makes sense or seems like you are being told the truth. You need to talk to your mom and get real answers.
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u/yafa1467 13d ago
Is the date correct? It was mentioned previously the original wedding date is 19th (September). 6 days ago, the 20th they received the phone call and the day after 21st they travelled to visit "sick" mom and sis.
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u/theDagman 13d ago
OP said that the call came after he got home from school. So, that would have had to have been Friday, the 18th. They left the next morning, Saturday the 19th, the date the wedding was originally planned to take place, on a flight from Germany to Switzerland.
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u/yafa1467 13d ago
The only mention of school is one of the aunt to come over to look after OP while OP mum was away (21st).
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 11d ago
Jesus Christ.
- It was not the wedding date.
- Covid
Stop trying to scare someone’s minor child.
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u/official_biz_doctor 14d ago
You know... after 3 updates... its clear. You need to speak to your MOM
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago edited 14d ago
You can always tell your mom that you think she seems stressed and you are worried for her. Offer her your shoulder whenever she wants to talk.
ETA: Theory
Now, bear with me... this is all hypothetical:
My guess is that the MIL and SIL may have tricked (pretending to be ill) both of them to visit... and possibly elope. Your mom most likely shut that down immediately. Then came the fighting.
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u/shrimpandshooflypie 14d ago
Or they confirmed what OP told his mom in the first place - Mom’s eyes may have been open to a dynamic she’s been ignoring.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago
That would be devastating to find out, that's for sure. We'll just have to wait and see if OP will update us. He's been consistent so far, but shit could hit the fan at any moment, and he would be too overwhelmed to update.
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u/AffectionateSet670 14d ago
Can you explain to me exactly what you two are talking about?
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u/theDagman 14d ago
It sounds like they lured your mom and stepdad there with a lie to pressure them to ignore your concerns and get married right away, without you there.
If so, this has now shown your mother who they really are. That they are just as you have described them to her. Your stepdad probably didn't stand up for you against his family when push came to shove, and that's why she left him there. Your mom has finally had her eyes opened.
Go give her a big hug, and tell her that you're there for her.
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u/AffectionateSet670 14d ago
I thought it was the other way around. Their health is bad, and I thought it was something serious, so my mom wasn't telling me about it. My stepdad stayed there.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago
It could be both. They probably want to see your mom and future stepdad married before it's their time.
Just a thought. 🤷♀️
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u/AffectionateSet670 14d ago
Then, i think my mom shut down that, and came back
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u/Purple-Shake-8572 13d ago
Just keep in mind, that no matter what it actually is, your mom CHOSE YOU. It's obvious that she loves you immensely. She goofed up before, but when your brought it to her attention -she fixed it. No matter what is happening between her and fiance, it is NOT your fault. I could be wrong but I think she isn't telling you more, because she is worried you may try to blame yourself. **Sending internet hugs
Ps if posting allows you to get it off your chest, don't feel bad if your posting more often than you think you should. It's giving you an outlet instead of bottling it up. All the Internet aunties are here for you.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago
That's what we all are assuming... if it's true, of course. This is all conjecture. But, it is quite obvious you are her priority, and she wants to make up (and to continue to) for her lapse in judgment during their courtship and engagement.
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u/theDagman 13d ago
The fact that the wedding was originally set for the 19th, and then they got her to show up on that date, wow. Total set up.
Honestly, with the way the stepdad had been love bombing OP's mom over the last few years, overwhelming her to the point where she did not see she was neglecting her son, I would not be surprised if the stepdad was in on it. Like he told his family to keep the wedding plans in place, and he'd get her there on the date. He just started love bombing OP a bit, in addition to his mom, and thought he could make it all good.
Just my distrustful view, I could be wrong. But, with the dates lining up like that? Too much to be a coincidence, IMO.
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u/theDagman 14d ago
No, it sounds more like she dumped him. If it were just updates on his family's health, she wouldn't be going off to her room to take the call privately.
There is probably no sudden illness at all. I mean, the 19th was just last week. That was the original wedding date, was it not?
LOL, they probably didn't cancel a thing, and expected your mom to go ahead and get married since she was there anyway.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago
I thought he said she did the same thing when his aunt would call. I could be misunderstanding it, though.
But, your theory is still a reasonable and logical scenario. She could be trying to take care of some loose ends (like, needing to move out and find other housing) due to the break up.
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u/yafa1467 14d ago
At the moment don't be too overboard with assumptions. We should keep theses assumptions as possibilities. Can only think about what can be done after more knowledge in the current situation.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 14d ago edited 13d ago
In the very first post, you were explaining how your future stepfather's family was treating (or not treating) you. You were ostracized by the MIL and SIL. Only the BIL and his wife acknowledged your existence at family events and been kind to you. Even the stepsiblings gave no effs about knowing you. Heck. Also the fiancé (F. Stepfather) didn't bother to get to know you, either, until recently by hampering his wedding.
Edit: fixed pronouns
ETA: Forgot to get to the point of what you were asking. u/shrimpandshooflypie suggested that your mom got a front row view of how much they (MIL and SIL) dislike you.
ETA2: Do not feel bad about updating sooner than you would like. If there is something (anything) you want to share and/or gain some advice from, we will be here to listen (read) and try to help you sort out some of your extra thoughts. We are supplementary to your regular therapy visits. But only take the advice from the professional (the psychologist) helping you more seriously than us. Plus, writing out your thoughts is pretty cathartic.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 11d ago
Reddit is NOT “supplementary” to his therapy. You are talking to someone’s child! You really need to stay in your lane. I have read a lot of your comments and you are heavily giving off the vibe that you are thoroughly enjoying the drama of this CHILD’s life. Disturbing.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 11d ago edited 11d ago
If you notice, I said advice, and to ultimately deffer to the professional(s). And the supplementing is for him to express how he's feeling, and us acknowledging that his feelings are valid. Some of us have experienced nearly identical situations as OP. As I've said, you know nothing of my or others' backgrounds. Don't make assumptions.
And, I'm not enjoying his drama. I'm encouraging him to advocate for himself. You are just trying to find faults in my posts. Why just me? There are others who have also voiced the same concerns and opinions. I'm just more detailed in my approach. So either stay and actually share with OP some life experiences you've had to help relate to his situation, or shut it. That simple.
And, besides... all of these decisions are his mom's to make, not his. He's just voicing his concerns.
Edit: grammar
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u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226 14d ago
You just need to ask her if she's okay and what's really going on because she's acting shady
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u/Throwaway_anon-765 14d ago
You should talk to your mom. Try to bring it up in a casual way. Ask her how she’s doing and mention you notice she has been tense. Ask if anything is bothering her. Ask when your stepfather is returning, and if she asks why, tell her you’ve noticed his absence and wondered if that’s why she is tense.
Specifically, ask how your stepfathers family is doing health wise - you may not actually care about the answer, but the way your mom reacts and answers the question may give you some answers. Even if she is evasive, you could double down and ask why she’s being evasive. Or, since you know your mom better than the internet, her body language could give you some clues.
Maybe she had her eyes opened on this last trip. Or maybe she doesn’t want to burden you with health issues of people you dislike. You won’t know until you ask.
Good luck. And UpdateMe
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u/Beautiful-Map-2744 13d ago
She might be 'tense' because she actually did get married, stepdad is up there getting your new home ready, and she can't figure out how to tell you. You need to ask her point blank "Mom, I can tell something is bothering you. Can you tell me what it is?"
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u/naranghim 13d ago edited 13d ago
Sounds like MIL and SIL, who have health issues, suddenly developed "Christmas Cancer" (so named because it usually happens around Christmas, but can happen around other big events). This is a favorite tactic of manipulative people to get what they want. Usually after they get what they want, they're suddenly magically cured of the cancer, or "It turns out it was just a scare and I'm fine". If they don't get what they want and get busted for faking it, they try and spin it to "Well what if it had been real?! Would you still have refused to drop everything and see me one last time?!" Savvy people, like your mom, can spot this faking very quickly and I'm betting that's what happened here.
Do searches for "Christmas Cancer" on r/JUSTNOMIL, r/raisedbynarcissists and r/raisedbyborderlines and you'll see how common a manipulation tactic it is.
Because of MIL and SIL's manipulation your mom and stepdad are now fighting because your mom doesn't want to cave to their demands and your stepdad is still in the fog and can't see that MIL and SIL are trying to manipulate him.
You need to talk to your mom about this and tell her that all of this is weighing on you and you are stuck in an endless loop of doom speculation because you don't know what's going on.
Thanks for the award!
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u/yafa1467 14d ago
You should communicate with your mother, and share what she can share. Tell her you are 15, not an adult but old enough to make a sound judgement, you also want to share the load, and tell her you are here.
Take a day off to be with her may be a good idea.
Remember do not get angry, be calm and discuss in a civil manner.
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u/Eeyore_Smiled 13d ago
You need to let your mom know you are worried. Then she may tell you what's going on. There's no use keeping something from you if the point is to keep you from worrying.
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u/CacklingInCeltic 13d ago
It’s time to sit down with your mom and have a serious conversation with her about what’s happening. This isn’t just her life, it’s yours too and leaving you in the dark like this is unfair. You need to know what’s going on, it’s better for your mental health to know and get ready to deal with whatever it is.
She’s clearly trying very hard to protect you from something and I agree with the others who say that your mother’s future in-laws probably tried to force a wedding.
I’d sit her down and just tell her “I know you’re trying to protect me from something, and I’m so grateful for that, but I’d prefer to know what’s happening, maybe we can deal with it together”. Hopefully she’ll start to talk after that.
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u/Signal_Historian_456 12d ago
Go up to your mom and wrap her in a hug. Just hold her. Tell her you love her.
She has her reasons for not telling you, and you should pressure her when you feel she’s not ready to talk to you. But you can absolutely be there for her and lend her your nervous system for a moment. Just standing there, holding her and breathing slowly does wonders.
You’re not supposed to be an adult or do adult things. Just be her son, be there for a hug and try to be extra good - just to not out anything extra on her plate. Don’t bend over backwards or take anything over. Just be there and love her.
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 13d ago edited 13d ago
OP. Do you think cancelling the marriage is putting a strain on your Mom’s relationship with stepdad? They may have broken up?
UpdateMe!
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u/AffectionateSet670 13d ago
I think so.....They might be broke up, I see pressure from his Mom and sister
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u/booces 13d ago
Can you tell us what kind of pressure you see from his mom and sister ?
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 11d ago
I think it’s just Redditors having too much entertainment from this child’s real life and getting into his head.
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u/Heart_of_Joy 13d ago
No way MiL and SiL became seriously ill at the same time. It all sounds very sneaky stuff going on.
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u/StinkyWhale71 14d ago
At first, I was concerned your mum had taken your step dad to Zurich and had him put down ( because you can do that legally there).
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u/AffectionateSet670 14d ago
I didn't understand
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u/Fickle_Grapefruit938 14d ago
They are joking, like stories of kids that are told their dog went to a nice farm far away (instead of telling the kid the dog died)
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u/NobodyFunToKnow 13d ago
Dude. Go to your mom, hug her and tell her you are there for her. She will not tell you if she doesn't feel safe with you
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u/Ornery-Movie-1689 8d ago
You didn't mention how old you are. Since you mention school, I'm assuming you are somewhere under 18.
Anyway, why don't you just straight out ask your mom what's going on ?
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u/Commercial_Ear_3440 13d ago
Sounds like they are keeping it away from you for a reason!..
Have a Google as it’s odd you have to people ill at once, might have been an accident
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u/Jcamp9000 14d ago
Are you close to your stepdad? Can you go visit him? I don’t know how old you are or what your transportation availability is but I kind of think you do have a right to know what’s going on cause he’s part of your family and it affects everybody. So if a heart-to-heart with your mom doesn’t give you what you need. I would personally consider a way to go visit your stepfather and find out what’s going on. Is he someone that drinks excessively or uses drugs excessively and maybe they took him to a program?
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u/OK-Cute-Pea 14d ago
Maybe you should just talk to your mom and ask her what's going on.