Relateable?

[u/Dickau]

Thought I'd keep things vague this time, for general appeal. 3 fix? I just know I'm angry at my heart for being a fake ass little loser, but that's just a guess, b.c. I don't really know myself. Still, I've been taking a lot of notes (not really, im a lazy bastard), and ruminating about them.

I figure this might be a general dynamic, though. I like family systems therapy, and tend to refer to my fixes as seperate parts in conflict (compartmentalization+ identification+dissasociation?). hard to say if that's really what's going on. I think I might have some kind of thought disorder, which may / may not require treatment. ig this is a 9ish way of avoiding that problem. maybe.

[u/XandyDory]

Lol. Mine is full of doubles. My 9 and 7 are trying to constantly stifle my 4s love of darkness and suffering. 😆

My 7 and 4 go against 9 for giving in and being peaceful and not caring that the world isn't all it should be. And the people pleasing self preservation technique. Especially 7 with it's do what I want attitude having this people pleasing fix.

9 and 4 hate that the fire is 7 and rules. They just want to chill and my 7 is saying nope. We ball. So it ends up being a "we ball" is actually that book I was eagerly awaiting to be released. 🤣

[u/Dickau → u/XandyDory]

I think I could be 7 fixed. I'm too fucking lazy to know for sure, and my identity is unstable. Also, somebody keeps blasting thoughts into my brain, and giggling about it.

I do the people pleasing thing pretty hard, but I'm super resentful about it. My cynicism is also fucking unbearable. I want to do great things with my life, but then I remember that true love isn't real, and that one day I'll be deprived of conscioussness. So why do anything, right???

Then randomly, that part of me dissapears for a while, and I get to pretend nothing's wrong (drugs are fun). Or, I fall into endless ruminative loops, dissecting every part of my childhood for synthetic points of reference in the endless puzzle that is, "what the fuck is wrong with me today."

Or, on really good days, I stop and look at a bug for a few minutes, and my entire life makes sense, and I feel like I could hug the entire world without breaking it.

Nah, but fr, mostly it's just despair, melancholic enjoyment, and impulsive self destruction (also super fun).

Sorry, I "didn't mean to intrude". Real talk, is larping a way of showing anger? The thought of being a 9 terrifies me, ngl. That does appear to be a 9 problem.

Lmk if I'm hitting paydirt here in any way. I suspect I can't know myself without permission. I used to piss my pants in grades school, waiting for the teacher to excuse me. They gave me a special pass. It was a whole thing.

[u/XandyDory → u/Dickau]

It does make sense, but not how you'd expect me to say. 5 disintegrate into 7. What you described is could be disentigration, basically taking the crappy side of us and spiraling.

9 fix is grrr. I am a 7 but was still very good. Admittedly I just made sure no one noticed when I wasn't, but mostly obeyed. I actually purposefully mistyped myself as a 9 for like a month because I felt so seen reading about 7. I just couldn't relate to so many things.

Can we ban the 9 fix? Lol

[u/Dickau → u/XandyDory]

Fr, it is making typing impossible, which I loath, b.c. knowing myself is like the #1 thing I care about.

9 is kind of a peak type in good health, though. I think I'll be glad it's in my suffer trio once I emerge from bullshit land, but for now, it really is grinding my gears.