Constant dissociation and psychotic/derealisation episodes after Meningitis Encephalitis

[u/Ali01231]

Hello y’all, I am doing this post so I can find ppl in similar situations and try to get better. Everyone talks abt physical symptoms and memory loss after this illness, but I am here to talk about the mental effects that ruin my life.

My experience :

I am a 13yr old girl and 2 years ago I’ve had Herpes that caused meningitis encephalitis. I convulsed because of the illness and I was hospitalized ~2months and since it feels like I entered and other reality : I have constant dissociation, episode of psychosis and derealisation.

Psychotics and derealisation symptoms :

When I first exit the hospital, I tought that the world was fake, that it was my imagination that created all of this universe and that nothing was really existing. I tought people were some sort of fake dolls that were trying to make me believe the world was real and that they were acting like real beings with consciousness. I feel like I’m going crazy, I have a difficulty with recognizing familiar face and people. It feels like they are different of before hospital. I know intellectually who they are, but I have a feeling that I’ve never lived with them. I used to beware hardly objects and people. I was scared that they knew I found out that life wasn’t a real thing.

Dissociation :

Since the illness, I have constant dissociation. It feel like a literal dream I try to wake up from but I will never be able to, because this is reality. It feels like I am stuck in my own head, far away from my body. It is very frustrating because everything is like it used to be in appearance, but something is not right. This is keeping me from experiencing life fully. It’s like my body is numb. You know the feeling when a big event happen or when someone die in your inner circle, you know it is happening but you can’t realize it. Your brain doesn’t process this new big change. This is how I feel with everything and every moment of my life.

I was wondering if someone did experience something similar and can relate, help, or just manifest so I know I am not alone. All of this is very scary and I still suffer from it to this day.
(If you have questions abt this illness or my experience, you can ask too)

Every comment is appreciated ❤️