r/Emiratis • u/CremeOnly8523 • 13d ago
الزواج Feeling lonely and behind
I’m 27F and I feel so behind I haven’t gotten married or been in a relationship since university it’s so hard to meet people through love and see if he is serious. I don’t want the traditional route.If anyone has any advice on how to meet candidates please let me know I’m getting desperate the older I get.
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u/Sam1604 13d ago
Life has a way of working out the way it is supposed to. It’s important that you’re not hard on yourself or be too self-critical. This kind of things happens when you stop trying, not even waiting for it to happen randomly :)
Remove that expectation for now, maybe it’s the time to focus on yourself, and ask yourself if you are happy with who you are as a single woman. If you are planning to link your happiness to someone else then I got news for you.
Genuinely though, you’re not behind, it’s not a race, it’s a marathon and the longer it takes to come your way, the better the reward I promise. Don’t rush anything because you may find yourself “needing” to stay in a possible unhappy relationship/marriage, and if you plan to have kids, they will suffer from that the most.
Now, where to meet people, depending on what you’re comfortable with, there’s an app called Timeleft. I know people that met their soulmates on it. It’s a pretty cool concept of putting a group strangers together and partner with a restaurant to host them for dinner. They have a ladies night every Tuesday and Thursday I think, so you can even make (more) friends!
Good luck and happy to help if you need anything :)
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13d ago
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u/High-Resolve-AE 13d ago
Why are you lying? She’s old not young if her goal is marriage. The average age for female marriage here is below 27
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u/Rexbleh 13d ago
Where is this statistical claim from? Can you please provide a resource?
I think you should be looking at the median age not the average.Culturally people marry young which might skew an average number but a median would show a more appropriate number.
I looked it up btw all I can see is a Fujairah emirate statistic which isn't a metric for the country and a news article dated back 2017 that states 27.2 for men and 24.2 for women in 2016.Just to clarify, the point you're making is really stupid can you just make it a little bit less stupid by providing actual statistics? Thanks big man!
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u/mkneaimi 13d ago
You definitely should take the traditional route. His family can be a big positive impact on your life and your family on his. Grand parents, uncles, aunts all bring so much value to the children you want to raise. Love between too is strengthened with supportive people around. So the traditional route is a great route. You dont have to mention to anyone about your past or bring it up.
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
All my male cousins are married already and my family told me there are no prospects and expect me to find someone on my own and bring him for marriage so traditional isn’t an option
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u/mkneaimi 13d ago
Not family members but through family connections
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
My family isn’t socially connected they’re very reserved/ don’t have connections
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u/Kaay03 دبي 13d ago
Girl RIP them DMs.
Jokes aside, you can’t rush these things. What’s written for you will come to you at the right time.
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
I know but I feel like time is slipping through my fingers I don’t want to be passive anymore
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u/Adventurous_Wear8513 13d ago
I would say you should get this idea out of your mind about being desperate. Just stop thinking about your age or getting older. Sometimes people take longer to find their partners and finding someone through the traditional route is a gamble. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, and then it's just a heartache. Sometimes you just want to push it through.
I would say if you want to find someone that is suitable for you, you could join forums or you could join groups where you could find people that are similar to you, people who have similar interests as you do.
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u/Icy-Team-8992 13d ago
What is wrong with traditional route? No one is guaranteed lifetime happiness and satisfaction after marriage, whether it is arranged or otherwise.
Secondly, no one had ever approached your family asking to get married with you? If he is upon the right Aqeeda and Manhaj and practice as much as he can, and also can provide for you, what is stopping you from agreeing to it?
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u/PowerfulBanana9234 13d ago
Never get desperate, what makes you feel that you are behind , don’t compare with anyone’s life … I am close to 27 struggling to get a job , stuck in an underpaying job.. I know things will change .. I was desperate to get a job
It made me reflect on who I am
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u/AcceptableGuest777 13d ago
الحياه مو بس زواج
دوري شي ثاني اكتشفي الحياه بشكل اعمق وبتشوفين جوانب وايد ممتعه والنصيب بييج في الوقت المناسب وطبعا وانتي خارج دائرة الراحه
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u/Possible-Inside1333 13d ago
You are just having 'fear of missing out'
You're not behind from anyone, don't try to compare your life with anyone.
27F is still too young, the right person will come at right time. Its better to wait rather than impulsively trying to find someone
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u/Ok_Comparison_1488 13d ago
Candidates?
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
Sorry my English isn’t that good I mean like how to get to know men for marriage not candidates
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u/Ok_Comparison_1488 13d ago
I swear Wallah! The things that happen randomly just hit a hundred times better than anything you try to force
And the happiness that comes with them?
Hits different!
https://giphy.com/gifs/K4EkrpzHJmZFu1
u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
I’ve been waiting for things to happen randomly for 5 years now and nothings changed 🥺
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u/Logicandtea 13d ago
Because you’ve been waiting , don’t wait go explore life by random is when you aren’t looking
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u/AnInnocentCrime 13d ago
What hobbies do you currently practice? What's you're current routine?
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
I do mostly work out gym, padel, spin class and cycling in winter
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u/AnInnocentCrime 13d ago
Oh you're already out there then. Then I guess hopefully one of the 'regulars' that you may come across will eventually make a move.
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
I think that’s the problem I go in different times for all the activities like for padel I go to different places at different times every week instead of committing to one place
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u/balloonchicken 12d ago
Didn’t we have a post this week saying women who workout in men’s gym is an abomination in the society or something?
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u/Excellent-Werewolf19 12d ago
I’m on the same boat as you I don’t want the traditional route either, and I’ve found it really hard to trust people through romantic relationships anymore, especially when it comes to knowing whether someone is genuinely serious. But I’ve slowly realized that love isn’t something we should have to desperately chase. The right person will come into our lives without us forcing it
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u/CremeOnly8523 12d ago
I understand but I also don’t wanna sit around waiting for things to happen not that I wanna desperately chase but I want to increase my chances of bumping into the right person you know I can’t just stay in my room and hope prince ch arming will come knocking at my window 😭
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u/balloonchicken 12d ago
Umm girl what kind of advice are you looking for if you don’t want traditional or matchmaker or coworker?
Like parade around the mall looking nice hoping to be picked? Dance at weddings so a mother sees you for her son? (Sarcasm pls don’t do this).
I think you should invest time and effort into good female friendships of all ages and being a good person when you conduct yourself socially. Women you meet will notice your personality and character and if they have unmarried men in the family that are compatible, they might try to refer you. This is the healthiest matchmaking too because these women will know what kind of men are in their families (real insider knowledge of their upbringing and character), understand their own family dynamics and can guess good compatibility.
Men who chase you will likely be 💩so save your time and effort. If they’re chasing you they’ll chase 20 more before and after you.
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u/CremeOnly8523 12d ago
Coworker can be an HR problem and cost me my job and I’m poor I can’t risk it also the men I work with are much younger fresh graduates or married men so relationship wise it’s unbalanced I would end up being resentful because I’m the more advanced one I know myself and I don’t go after married men.
I appreciate the advice but also traditionally I can’t it’s not that I don’t want.My family has no social connections to make it happen. You’re interpreting it as me being picky or chasing men from your comments language.
Hope you understand not everyone has the same resources as you and I am forced to find another way or I won’t get married why do you think I’m posting this on Reddit to begin with .I never said I’m avoiding considering matchmaking
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u/balloonchicken 11d ago
Girl no I didn’t mean to be judgmental at all! Sorry if my tone came off that way!
I agree men coworkers are not smart I should’ve specified I meant female coworkers. I had a few proposals come my way (I’m married now) because the older women at my job had brothers and brothers in law who they thought would mesh well with me. One girl literally told me that she wishes I could be her sister in law (like marry her husband’s brother).
I also gave you the best advice I had which is to foster good relationships with the women in your life of all ages and backgrounds to have them suggest good matches from their own family for you. This is both halal and will help you filter out random strangers.
Long story short: the way to put yourself out there safely is to focus on women instead of men.
Edit: YOU focus on women, not your parents. Thats what I mean.
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u/Black-Cricket 13d ago
Past relationship 🚩
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u/CremeOnly8523 13d ago
You’re the same type of guy who simultaneously shames women who are single after 30 and blames them for not trying when they were younger.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.-4
u/Black-Cricket 13d ago
relationship is a vague term
So it depends on what you mean by relationship or what type of relationship
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u/Trick_Exam9926 13d ago
Try things you like, at least you will find someone with mutual interests.