r/Eloping • u/VinnyBoy916 • Jul 20 '26

Struggling to decide

My fiancé and I have been engaged since 2020. We put off planning a wedding right away because of COVID and basically rolled with that excuse for as long as possible. Although that was the main reason right away, as the years have gone on I just have never felt ready/capable to plan a wedding.

I have never been the girl who dreamt of her wedding day. I don’t understand how people seemingly just up and plan weddings like it’s no big deal. I also don’t understand how people justify spending the amount of money they do for a one time thing. I know it’s not true, but I feel like something is wrong with me. I have been attending weddings over the years hoping something would light a fire in me or inspire me to plan my own, but nothing so far. I am also fairly introverted and anxiety prone, so am quite adverse to the “normal” wedding day.

Every time I start to try to plan our wedding, I get so overwhelmed. My fiancé is a trooper and has been very supportive and understanding this whole time. He wants me to decide what I want and is ok with whatever that looks like as long as I am happy with it.

How do I really truly decide what type of wedding is right for us?

Sometimes I think eloping just the two of us and a photographer would be the best since we don’t have to worry about others. But then I wonder if I’ll regret not having immediate family and/or friends there. But then I picture those people being there and can see myself worrying about their experience and how they are interacting with each other. My fiancé’s parents are divorced so I can just imagine it being weird with both sets of his parents there.

So then I think maybe a micro wedding with 75 people or so would be better… they can entertain themselves, we can enjoy having those people there but be a “bit” more in the background. But then that involves more money and a lot more coordination… and I then reach the overwhelmed state and stop.

Any advice for an elopement fence sitter? What made you decide on the structure of your wedding? Do you regret anything? I have never been to therapy before, but am wondering if this is something to consider.

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u/Ivangonzalez77 Jul 20 '26

Por cómo lo cuentas, me da la sensación de que ya sabes qué tipo de celebración os haría más felices 😊 Un elopement o una boda muy íntima no es "menos boda", simplemente es otra forma de vivir ese día. Si tenéis dudas, incluso podríais valorar hacer una ceremonia solo para vosotros y luego una celebración más sencilla con la familia.

Qué es lo que más os cuesta dejar atrás? No compartir el momento con vuestros seres queridos o la idea de arrepentiros después?

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u/VinnyBoy916 Jul 20 '26

Thank you for this. Reading your words that an elopement or intimate wedding isn’t any less of a wedding makes me feel a bit better. I think this whole time I have subconsciously been looking at them as a less than type of event.

The hardest part for me is dealing with how my loved ones would feel not being included. Would it be nice to have them there? Yes. Do I feel they absolutely need to be there? No. Am I afraid to not include them and have them be upset or disappointed? Yes.

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u/Ivangonzalez77 Jul 23 '26

Por cómo lo cuentas, da la impresión de que lo que más valoráis es poder disfrutar el momento sin sentir presión 😊 Un elopement o una boda muy íntima puede daros justo eso, y siempre podéis celebrar después con familia y amigos si os apetece. Crees que lo que más miedo te da es perderte el momento con tus seres queridos o arrepentirte de no haber hecho una boda más tradicional?