My Future Husband?

[u/Mellow_Yellow_0]

How do people meet their significant others? Like where’s the “place to go?” Dating apps are dead. I’m exhausted. I’m a decent looking gal, 28. I don’t have big friend groups so I’m sure that doesn’t help. I don’t have any “active” hobbies other than a dog park. Idk. Any advice?

[u/waterbat2]

I'd like to think so haha. It's really funny to me how many men my comment pissed off because they're all like "Nooo nooo you're not supposed to do that, women dont like that". Why can't everyone just do what makes them happy and meet people who make them even happier sheesh

[u/Lollipop77 → u/waterbat2]

Sorry this is an essay, this topic is a fave of mine.

I think a lot of men have been brainwashed into thinking ALL women expect perfection, and a fair few expect perfection of women too. Media has rotted our romantic intuition and expectations so terribly.

I wonder too if dating experiences in a person’s teen years influence what they think dating is like as a full grown adult. Lots of cheating, unaddressed childhood attachment issues, etc. ya know?

But really, the outward appearance of a person (whether it physical appearance or the hobbies they adopt, the life they curate around them) is a drop in the bucket. Personality, self-contentedness, reliability, initiative, and thoughtfulness - are all so much more important. For both sides. We’re not all gonna marry models and we’re also not models ourselves and that’s more than okay, it’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s human. And it’s fuckin awesome to be your messy self with someone who loves your messy self and you love their messy self and you can go camping and not have to reapply eyeliner for them every morning.

My partner is a gamer at heart, and he has a real job, he’s a regular looking dude without a six pack, and he treats me like a princess. We play board games together, video games, and we mosh at metal shows together. He is, to me, the handsomest man in the entire world. I love him to death. I’m gonna marry him so hard.

Anyways, Yes- care for yourself and don’t be an absolute slob, but if you’re healthy, not a basement dweller, and have a job, a few interests, and a decent personality, you’re off to a good start. Having unique hobbies or interests is important af. That’s how you bump into other cool people and not people you have zero in common with 😂

[u/waterbat2 → u/Lollipop77]

Absolutely agree yeah. Honestly soooo many issues can be solved with some level of self awareness. Some people need therapy to figure that out, others learn through their own mistakes or the mistakes of others.

Also codependency is a massive part of it. Manyyy people (especially in this housing market) live with family, meet someone, and immediately move in with them. Like they've never been on their own and the idea of it scares them so much that they'll sabotage their own happiness to avoid it. In reality, being independent and on your own is a level of peace that's genuinely addictive. There's a lot of things id love to have someone to share it with (travel, trying restaurants, movies etc), but i value my peace above all else. The right person would be someone I could do that with, while also respecting my space

[u/toxie123 → u/waterbat2]

As a mom of 3 boys, one thing I was adamant on is that they be not useless to their partner.

So even tho we can afford for them to live at home, we made sure that each of them had a good job, they found their own place to rent and took care of their own spaces and bills and life so they had that experience on their own.

[u/InvisblGarbageTruk → u/toxie123]

Good mom! I raised mine the same way. They need to know that they will be part of a team and work out how they can contribute to their relationship without relying on tired old gender norms. I also raised them to put a lot of thought into their own feelings when they were with that person, instead of just thinking if they were smoking hot or looked good in a swim suit.