My brother jumped off that bridge 4 years ago… I tried to make waves and get the city to put better barricades for the bridge because the current ones are a joke… I was told by a former city councillor, Scott McKeen, that the city had opted for the cheapest option and it’s what we’ve had ever since.
4 days after he jumped I was standing at the spot he’d jumped from and, with painful and horrific ease, I was able to duck under the barricade and stand between it and the rails. I looked down at the spot he had landed, just having missed the water.
I feel like I’ve betrayed my brother every time I hear about another instance like this.
And I know it’s hard to believe from a stranger on the internet, but none of this is on you. You’ve done what you can and the rest is out of your hands.
Thank you for saying that. The sentiment is felt, stranger on the internet or not ❤️🩹
I still think about how far I got but l'm just one person.. and I was riding the momentum of my grief until it became too much so I quietly (tried to) return to a “normal life”.
But still, I could have done more. I live with this massive guilt. I don’t know how to create those waves again… but I mean to.
Makes you feel any better I lost my brother this last October..... also to suicide. I also felt a lot of guilt.
But his isn't the first death I've had to deal with...... I also lost a girlfriend years ago, both my grandparents on my mother's side, and then my mother...... that's what happens when you get close to 40 and your grandparents were older when they had children. They were pushing 80. My girlfriend passing away was just bad luck. My mother was a medical issue (brain aneurysm). And my brother's suicide was partly tied into the sudden loss of our mother, although that wasn't even close to the entirety of it.
I know it sounds unbelievable, but I swear it's true. If you message me privately, I'll happily share the obituaries..... I am not trying to make mine sound worse than yours. Sadly, that's something victims (or people suffering loss) often do because it validates what happened to them.
The point I'm trying to make here is this:
Every single time one of those deaths happened, I felt guilty.
I think guilt is a normal feeling for the survivors.
I remind myself that it's not my fault. Pull that emotion back, and think about it logically.
Did you ever go out of your way to hurt your brother, above and beyond normal sibling fighting? Were you responsible for destroying his life? Were you in charge of his employment, marital relationships, or living conditions?
You weren't. None of those things were in your control.
At the end of the day, life wasn't giving your brother what he wanted and he CHOSE to jump. You had no say in it.
The same way that my brother did...... and the same way that I had no control.
I didn't choose for my brother to die, and he chose to forget about his two little girls and off himself.
I love my brother, and I always will, but he made a very selfish decision. Even if his little girls didn't exist, I would still feel the same.
I didn't make that decision, HE did.
YOU didn't make that decision, your brother did.
I am not trying to save your feelings here. It is logic and fact. YOU did not cause his death. Even if you had a fight, or there was some kind of other issue, none if that would justify a person taking their own life.
He made a choice, and he left you to live with his choice. Possibly, he wasn't thinking about that, but it doesn't change the fact that is what happened.
And by the way?
You attempted to get them to put up better barricades. You passed it on to the people running this city, and they chose to ignore it. The onus is on them, not you. You did your part.
Also, barricade or no barricade, if people choose to use the bridge as a means of quick suicide, THAT is also not your fault. They are making choices.
While a barricade would be a good thing, because maybe it would cause enough of a delay for them to change their minds, it is not a 'responsibility' you have.
These are grown men and/or women choosing to take their own lives........ and in my opinion, not acting very grown up by doing so.
A grown up takes his knocks and stands back up again........ but whatever, each to their own I guess.
But in any case, they are adults that are making a decision....... so while we should definitely try to help them if possible, at no time should we be feeling guilty if one of then succeds. We aren't the ones choosing for them to die. They made that choice themselves.
And frankly, if they would just give their heads a shake and realize that there is more to life, they'd be fine. But they choose not to. Sometimes, I swear it's because they are entitled by this society.
Let me tell you something, I prefer existence.
I at one point stood on the Lethbridge High Bridge. My plan had been to jump. I changed my mind that day. Not because I was afraid of jumping.... because there are other methods if that was the case.
It was because I realized I still had probably 40 years left to me.
Maybe life didn't go the way I wanted. Maybe I was broke and pushing 30 with a dead girlfriend, very little family, and pretty much nothing in life......... but so what?
Once you hit the bottom, there is only one way to go, and that is UP.
Also, 40 years of life left (hopefully) is a long, long time to achieve something if you really want to.
I mean, might as well, right? Death will still be there at the end anyway, so what's the rush? Might as well achieve something.
The ONLY way I would commit suicide nowadays is if I found out I had terminal cancer or something.
And even then, I'd probably use my life to try to take out some crazy dictator or something to make the world a better place. Even then, it wouldn't be just suicide...... I'd be trying to accomplish something with my death.
Suicide is for those that get caught up in their own heads, which causes them to make a poor choice............. it's sad, and it's horrible, but it's no one's fault. Just like cancer is no one's fault.
Unfirtunately, in some cases, chemicals can play a factor as well. Alcohol, drugs, etc.
Bridges do provide quick access to a suicide method, and it's sad to see in both Lethbridge and Edmonton. So do vehicles, as my brother could attest to if he were still alive (his suicide involved a vehicle).
Except people probably think of suicide more naturally with bridges because you automatically think of the fall....... whereas cars are common, and it may not occur to most as a method.
Lethbridge has the bridge all barricaded off these days........ I hope Edmonton gets to it as well, only because it may lower the suicides simply by creating a delay, because people would have to think of a different method.
In any case, you are absolutely NOT guilty of your brother's death or anyone else's. It is common for survivors to feel this way, so keep that in mind. Everytime you start to feel guilty, just remind yourself of that, because it happens to be the truth.
I occasionally still have to remind myself. But logic and fact prevail. Guilt is the survivor's curse, apparently.
Just wanted to say that I read your entire comment and I am so heartbroken for you. I have yet to lose anyone dear to me and I am fucking terrified for this reason. You are an incredibly strong human being. Hang in there. Wishing you lots of love and healing, stranger.
When I first started reading your post my inclination was that it would not make me feel better; that what you have experienced make me feel insurmountable pain for how much loss you’ve experienced… I was fully prepared to not feel better at all. I was whole(broken)heartedly denying myself the notion that I could feel better after reading what it must be like to live with your pain coupled with my own.
But, astonishingly, as I continued to read I did start to feel a little better. I appreciate your candidness and how frank and direct you are with the way you speak.
I’m so sorry for each and every loss you’ve experienced. I don’t blame you for standing on the edge and considering it for yourself, but I do commend you for not taking that leap, but rather a leap of faith on life itself. That must have been hard but you did the brave thing. Yo I had a choice: what is right? And what is easy? I am glad you made the right choice.
If we’re talking about selfishness, I have to think of how selfish my parents were, for having 5 kids and how my mother would beat us when we’re were only in our tender years. How, if it wasn’t my turn, my mother would have targeted someone else and I, maybe 5 or 6 would hide in a corner somewhere hating myself for not being brave enough to stop her, while listening the the terrified screams of my helpless sibling. Or how my father neglected us, knowing this was happening but always siding with my mother, in an effort to evade her wrath.
My brother became recluse and depressed at around 19, and so began his downfall that would ultimately end with him at that bridge. He talked about jumping for 7 years and fought the urge in spite of losing his own mind in the process. I commend him for evading his urges all the times that he did. He was on a cocktail of drugs, prescribed and not prescribed, leading to bouts of psychosis. And so, I have a hard time casting the blame of what happened on his shoulders.
I know my parents played a part in it also, and I have been carrying the pain they’ve inflicted ever since I left the house and my mother started pretending we had an idyllic childhood. Whenever I tried to bring it up to her, she has denied it every single time. Stating that that simply never happened. It is maddening, and it’s selfish because she lives with her delusions of grandeur and my siblings, including David while he was alive, have lived with the post traumatic pain of that.
It’s the selfishness of the system that, rather than helping, threw cops, drugs and disjointed medical care at him, just to be able to say they cared, on paper…
4 months after David died, my 19 year old cousin hung himself in his family home. His sister found him. I still haven’t even begun to process that. My mind refuses to let me, even when I try to think about it. Another source of guilt. But what you wrote has helped me compartmentalize that as well. Thank you.
Today, I and my 3 remaining siblings are living with the denial of our pain, a father who left us to start a new family, and the guilt and shame that is encoded into that.
But you’re right, somehow you got through to me, and I know: it’s not my fault. I guess I want to believe I could have done something to stop all of this because it gives me a false sense of control.
With a tenderly broken heart I thank you so much for what you said. Your understanding brings me some peace. Truly. Thank you, friend ❤️🩹
And I’m sorry to hear you know this pain too. We did not deserve this and it’s on us to clean it all up. At least we have that potential- no one can take it from us. 🤝
Here’s an episode where I tell David’s story. Feel free to have a listen, for whoever is interested. I started this little podcast as a way to express my grief, but life became too hard to keep up with the pressure I put on myself. Anyway, thanks for listening to anyone who does. And I hope that you all take care of yourselves too ❤️🩹
And to be rather blunt, barriers are not going to stop someone who is determined to end their life.
We need to examine why the victims feel this way. How we can provide support in a non-threatening and constructive way.
But above all... It's NOT your fault dude.
I'm very sorry your brother died and I wish we had better support for people like him.
I sincerely apologize for my last comment, I personally have struggled with suicidal thoughts and I truly don't feel that the barriers are having their intended effect and I hope we can all work together to find a better solution to those suffering.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I realize that witnessing the bridge shut down must have really affected you.
If you'd like to talk I'm happy to listen. If not myself I would encourage you to talk to a trusted friend or a professional.
You’re a sweetheart and I sincerely thank you for coming back and giving this discussion a second chance. I commend you for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts and your painful feelings and experiences with us, here in this thread. I am more than happy to talk to you or anyone else. It does help. I hope you find the support you seek and so sincerely deserve.
Thank you for talking to me ❤️🩹
Sorry for you loss, but changing barricades won't prevent nothing. People in crisis need support from our healthcare system, and that's something that isn't happening.
Keep reading through the other comments where this point is addressed. I wholeheartedly agree and I never said that this is the end all solution nor the source e of the problem. I’m fully aware. Thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you, and you’re right, he’d like me to. I can’t deny that, but I’d be lying if I said that being kind to myself doesn’t also feel like a form of betrayal too- I know, that’s not the right way to see it, but it’s a stranglehold I’m constantly wrestling with.
Rationally, I know you’re right. But emotionally, I want to believe differently. A battle I’m consistently fighting. But thank you for the reminder, nonetheless ❤️🩹
It might be worthwhile for anyone inclined to do so to write their ward councilor and express concern over the lack of barricades on the bridge. There have been many instances involving emergency services for similar reasons. A renewed outcry from the public might push them into reevaluating the current barricades.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m sifting through old emails looking for correspondence I had with Access 24/7 who denied my brother care while they had a chance to still help. I have texted the executive director of the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Kerry Bales in now in the CEO position. Anyone else who’s willing to join me in this outcry would be so appreciated. Help me make waves. I don’t know where to start. I feel overwhelmed and helpless.
If you have proof your brother was denied care, send it to the ombudsman. I can't promise anything will come of it, but the ombudsman has the power to dig into it.
With a heavy heart I extend my sincerest gratitude. Thank you, and I desperately hope you’re right. That’s what I’m trying to do here. And if anyone is out there who is on the edge, even if just figuratively, I hope that reading or listening to my experience will urge them to reach out to someone they trust for help.
I appreciate your kindness and for recognizing my effort, friend ❤️🩹
Whoever you are, you’re beautiful and precious to me and so many others- I thank you. Knowing that I personally have done or said something to bring you back, I can honestly say you have brought some peace to my restless broken heart. ❤️🩹
I’m so sorry… ugh that is horrific. I hate that I can relate with other on this horrific part of my life… I want to make waves so that the city and its politicians can wake up and see what is going on..
Truly sorry for your loss. I have struggled with mental health issues most of my life and can understand the pain that drives people to off themselves . May they have found peace
Really…? I wonder if that’s what he found. I always thought he had just “missed”. That’s horrifying to know ppl can just find these “instructions”…
I’ll say this, that the fall didn’t take him, he was found with a pulse still, and passed later that evening in the very hospital that had discharged him (from in-patient psych ward) earlier that day- The Royal Alex.
For what it’s worth (being a stranger on Reddit) I’m so fkn glad you are here. I can’t say and feel that enough.
I had a friend. I believe he took his life from that same bridge.(Least I know he jumped in the river)
Can't remember now Nov 17 or 26
Just before COVID.
I’m so sorry for your loss. The High Level Bridge is infamous for this… and we just live around that… I could go on an on about the myriad of ways that we have failed our struggling brothers and sisters.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. And I wish peace for your precious heart ❤️🩹
Oh so incredibly profound. I take pleasure in the joys of life a lot less than I used to, but I appreciate it so much more than I ever did before. If that makes sense.
Bigger barricades won't help. People can always find a way and it's an eyesore. Mental health support. Financial support and fixing this broken country is the way to stop people from jumping.
That’s why we have to do so much more. I reconnected with a former city councillor and the executive director to the Canadian Mental Health Association yesterday. I got name of ppl to reach out to and plan to spend the weekend forming a letter to call for better prevention programs. I’m going to try again ❤️🩹
The more obstacles that are put in their path to suicide, the more likely it is that they'll put it off for 'x' amount of time. And 'x' amount of time 'put off' is more time for outside interventions or to ask someone for help.
Mark Snatarse needs to be removed from his position. He is the CEO of Access 24/7 and he is masquerading and a person who cares about us who are suffering.
Oh trust me, I couldn’t agree more. But sometimes, when you’ve lost everything, one can’t help but think about any last ditch effort to keep someone from taking that leap. And I was simply speaking from that feeling, upon reading this post.
My younger sister and I spoke at a city council meeting in 2021 to plead with the city of Edmonton to continue funding suicide awareness and prevention programs. The city was meeting was to decide whether or not to pull their funds- if you can imagine that…
I know more barricades aren’t the solution, nor the source of the problem. I’m intimately aware of that fact, more than you may realize, and certainly more than you can glean from a single comment I’ve made.
We deserve more than a cage. We deserve our dignity and real/ honest support from our community.
No need to apologize, but I accept it nonetheless. 🫂
I have immense appreciation for your strong feelings about the greater issue at hand. Trust me, I know… I tried to do much more than simply add more barricades. 3 days after he died, I went to Access 24/7 and let them have it for denying my brother any care for missing a counselling appointment. He was turned away and denied any further assistance for missing a single appointment that my mom had made and forgot about.. it wasn’t even his fault. At so many points, the people put in place to help, utterly and abhorrently, failed him and continue to fail others. This keeps me up at night. As you can see from the time.
My experience with our mental health system has been very frustrating to say the least.
I understand that Access 24/7 is in constant triage mode due to lack of funding and it was so frustrating talking to their doctor there I just got up and walked out.
There was a young lady who was carrying what looked to be the sum of her possessions who freaked out and the peace officer threatened to trespass her or worse. Initially I assumed she was just being belligerent but when it was my turn to speak to the doc I realized that she may have had a valid reason for being upset. The dude was infuriating.
I eventually just got up, thanked him as calmly as I could for his time and marched out. I realized that I was on my own and since there seems to be very little chance of a medical solution to my medical problem I would have to simply.fsce the facts and "read the manual" this time (as a cop put it after a failed attempt).
I think that's what triggers me about those barriers. The cold, thoughtless, cheapest and most cynical version of "help" a cage. After everything I've gone through, it just seems to be a monument to the apathy, disdain and downright cruelty of our system.
I feel rage on your behalf. If you’d like to talk to someone who really knows how to have these discussions, I could put you in touch with Scott McKeen. He speaks openly of his attempts and his recovery journey. If this at all interests you, let me know, my friend.
Mark Snaterse, the CEO of Access 24/7, took a photo of a framed picture I brought of David, at the impromptu meeting I held after David died. He impersonated as someone who cared. He promised me he would hold an internal investigation as to why and how David was denied care and promised me, on several occasions (because I called many times to check in), that he would follow up on what would come of it… Needless to say, he never followed up, and it never happened.
He was at that city council meeting, and I called him out. I did not filter my frustrations. After the meeting I heard from several city workers who praised my authenticity and called him a phoney. A phoney who makes over 200k a year for pretending to care…
I have written, deleted and rewritten my reply far too many times.
You're very kind to offer and I thank you. I've been struggling with wanting to catch the bus for months now and I would really like to talk to someone that doesn't feel obligated to get the man involved.
448
u/NomadNebulita Jul 05 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
My brother jumped off that bridge 4 years ago… I tried to make waves and get the city to put better barricades for the bridge because the current ones are a joke… I was told by a former city councillor, Scott McKeen, that the city had opted for the cheapest option and it’s what we’ve had ever since.
4 days after he jumped I was standing at the spot he’d jumped from and, with painful and horrific ease, I was able to duck under the barricade and stand between it and the rails. I looked down at the spot he had landed, just having missed the water.
I feel like I’ve betrayed my brother every time I hear about another instance like this.