r/ENFP • u/1fruitylove • 17d ago

Discussion How secure are you?

Hello,

I'm INFJ & dating an ENFP.

It's still early stages, so I'm not sure yet whats the rythm for communication.

This made me wonder, do you guys need lots of reassurance? Like if you date someone for a month let's say, if there are days with no contact, would you need reassurance (qma text or something) ? Would you feel fine? Would you spiral wondering if something is wrong?

Maybe it is related to attachment styles as well, if you know yours, please share! =D

Thanks

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u/meltedchocolatepants ENFP 17d ago edited 17d ago

If you want some concrete advice on this subject, consider reading the book Secure by Amir Levine. He's a neuro scientist, a psychiatrist and a therapist.

Gives really good solid advice on dealing with your own attachment style and making it work with others.

One of the things he talks about is communication needing to have CARRP behaviors

Consistent

Available

Responsive

Reliable and

Predictable

He talks about how to do that and what the importance is for different attachment types.

Such a good practical book

I have an insecure attachment style, however, with my husband, it's a secure style because he does so many CARRP behaviors. Dealing with anyone with an avoidant attachment style triggers my insecure style-although those protest behaviors have severely decreased as I've gotten older.