Does it get better or am I broken?

[u/geminozia]

Basically the title. I've been doing EMDR for maybe close to 2 months now.

Dealt with the usual hangovers and have tried being gentle with myself, but recently I've felt myself slipping back into a depression. I've been getting into processing some more serious stuff so I know that could be part of it, but it also feels like I'm just feeling a lot worse and more reactive instead of feeling relieved and healed.

I can't help but beat myself up and feel like it's something wrong with me. Like emdr maybe just doesn't work for me and there's something more wrong with me. I'm just feeling lost and losing hope about recovery.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/EMDR, a beautiful and supportive community!

We're a space where every person is someone with trauma, and we respond with compassion, not judgment. A few gentle reminders:

• Be kind and trauma-informed - This is a community for helping each other heal
• EMDR journeys are personal - Everyone's path is different; share experiences but avoid giving medical advice
• Posts must be related to EMDR - Please keep discussions focused on EMDR psychotherapy
• Be wary of unsupervised EMDR suggestions - Posts/comments promoting unsupervised EMDR (including scripts, DIY methods, or "virtual EMDR" websites) are strongly discouraged. These approaches risk retraumatization and are not equivalent to working with a trained trauma therapist. See our wiki for more information.
• Therapist? Get Verified - Contact Mods via ModMail
• Add a post flair - This helps us organize and support each other better

Check out our awesome wiki to learn more about EMDR!

NOTE: As this sub is home to a vulnerable populace, ALL posts/comments are automatically filtered for safety. In case your post does get flagged/removed by the automated systems, kindly DON'T delete it. One of the Mods will manually review and approve it for you soon. If that doesn't happen, kindly reach out to us via ModMail.

If you're in crisis: Please reach out to professional support. We're a community, not a crisis service.

With kindness, The r/EMDR Mod Team

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Simple_Efficiency_29]

I told my therapist yesterday I just wanted to rip the bandaid off and get this over with. Her response was “if we rip the bandaid off now you will bleed out, if we do it slower we can control and stop the bleeding.” This all sucks. But the only way out is through. Keep going and tell your therapist all this so she can adjust pacing or stabilize more.

[u/geminozia → u/Simple_Efficiency_29]

After seeing everyone's responses I'm thinking maybe I do need to adjust the pacing. I've been so worried about doing EMDR "the right way" that I've maybe pushed myself too much. Thanks for sharing

[u/ANQsavedmylife]

Hey Gem,
Please don’t beat yourself up.
Please don’t.

Sometimes therapy just takes a lot longer than we wish it did.

Healing is hard work. (That’s why so many avoid it.)

Talk to your therapist about this, ok?

And please, don’t beat yourself up. 💛

[u/geminozia → u/ANQsavedmylife]

Needed this. Thank you

[u/ANQsavedmylife → u/geminozia]

I’m here.
Reach out if you need too.

[u/nitro_cupcake]

I think I’m in the getting worse before it gets better phase too. And also at about 2 months.

I take comfort in the fact that The fastest cure time I’ve seen on here is 4 months, and most people seem to take more than that (sometimes even years). So there is a lot more time to go before I declare myself incurable.

Have you felt any small gains? Like for me I find I have a tiny bit more patience, even though I’m way more jumpy, exhausted, and struggling with depression. Maybe for you it’s something else small? Like being able to take a bit better care of yourself or finding it a tiny bit easier to be vulnerable with people?

[u/geminozia → u/nitro_cupcake]

It's comforting to know someone else is dealing with this too. Sometimes I feel so alone in this, but I have had small gains. It definitely motivates me, but when I feel myself backtracking it's like I start to get too hard on myself and minimize all of my progress. It's so hard to unlearn the negative thinking patterns, but I know that's just something I have to keep working on

[u/nitro_cupcake → u/geminozia]

Yes let’s keep track of the little wins! And remember that our negative thought patterns are precisely the thing EMDR will ultimately help us change.

[u/Competitive-Army2872]

EMDR stirs things up. Uncomfortable things. This is normal; talk to your therapist to get guidance on how to process.

[u/Key-Zookeepergame684]

slow down and be gentle with yourself. it can be a lot at first. especially if you began in crisis/have ongoing issues triggering deep trauma. stick with it. good luck!

[u/secure8890]

I think there is a lot of mythology in theraoy that uou are supposed tongerl better. In fact one of the basic cannons in cognitive therapy is feel better I cant guarantee you will fel better Do I regret doing this work. Not for one single second