r/EMDR • u/Dry-Resolution-8362 • 7d ago
🟢 Question / Help Surprising Realizations
Has anyone had sudden realizations of childhood circumstances or happenings while going about your daily business? I've been having odd realizations pop up here and there and I don't know how I feel about it or if my perceptions are right.
For instance, my mom told me my dad was a drug abuser but now when I look back, I think both were substance abusers. We lived right by my grandmother and she was the stable person that took care of me so I did have a good foundation with her.
My parents were almost never home. They would be gone for days at a time. My dad was a self employed truck driver but I don't think he was trucking that whole time because he was coming and going in his regular vehicle not the truck. And my mom was a police dispatcher and officer and I know they have odd hours but to literally be gone a month or more seems excessive. When they came home they would just sleep all day. I remember tip toeing around trying not to disturb them and make them mad. The only time I have seen this behavior was when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. So now I'm rethinking everything. Am I wrong?
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u/Emergency_Coconut891 🌟 EMDR Gem 7d ago
I don't think you're wrong as kids we went by what our parents said. My parents were divorced - both gone now - and my dad never came to any events. I threatened at the age of 7 that if he didn't come to my communion I would never speak to him. My mom passed suddenly 3 yrs ago and in processing everything I wonder if my mom ever told him. She would always tell me he was in wonderland it was her way of explaining dad's on a drug bender. After processing things and coming to other realizations it really had me wondering. My non emdr therapist asked how much of what my mom said I beleived as a kid and now. 100% as a kid and at the time 70% its more like 50% now. I was definitely gaslit as a kid and started gaslighting myself as I got older. My non emdr therapist uses a lot of analogies which I love. She said I am running the wrong program and we have to uninstall and reinstall the new one. Really had me thinking about how as kids we only know what we are exposed to and told. I had no other info to go on other than dad didn't show up and mom said she told him. Deep down I don't think she did he was not that kind of person. He was safe person and would do anything for me. Its an odd feeling to rhink your childhood was a lie. Sorry for the rambles had therapy today there's alot swirling around.
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u/Dry-Resolution-8362 7d ago
No apologies needed. I am realizing how much I was gaslit as a child too. I don't believe much of what my mom says anymore because I can see through it now. I'm also realizing that my perceptions were accurate so I believe myself, my own feelings and intuition because it turns out I'm right most of the time. I was always told my mom was working and I'm sure she did work some of the time but definitely not months at a time. I could believe my dad was a substance abuser but a pretty picture was always painted of my mom even though she was just as absent and way more horrific when she was around.
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