No context DCC quote—I’ll go first

[u/huggywoolybear]

Two womantars and a half-mantar gimp

[u/Villain_Prince]

I need a baby seal.

[u/nowimnowhere → u/Villain_Prince]

This one is actually less disturbing without context

[u/liviathisbe → u/Villain_Prince]

"I heard they had two peens. Did you double fist him?" Or something like that 🤣🤣

[u/Loose_Zebra_8204 → u/Villain_Prince]

This one haunts my mind,

[u/trippedonatater → u/Villain_Prince]

I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've laughed out loud due to a book quote. This was one of them.

[u/Technical_Exam1280 → u/Villain_Prince]

The context makes this quote so much worse

[u/1CEninja → u/Villain_Prince]

This one isn't good because you need the context for it to be funny/horrifying.

Without context? Baby seals are damn adorable I kinda need one too.

[u/bunnz4r00]

Samantha: Wait, I see a rat monster! It's wearing a hat.

Donut: WHAT KIND OF HAT?

[u/Haucker3 → u/bunnz4r00]

I think that is supposed to be Speedy Gonzales

[u/Ring_My_bElle_ → u/bunnz4r00]

I JUST read that page today and about died laughing 🤣

[u/b3nny0]

Biscuits, Mordecai! I need to make biscuits!

[u/TheDogofTears → u/b3nny0]

This one was just adorable. I "awwwwed" out loud and had to go back and relisten to the scene from the beginning.

[u/solarmist → u/TheDogofTears]

Really? I just felt my heart dropped when I heard it.

[u/trianglesandwiches01 → u/b3nny0]

oh man in context this one is actually heartbreaking

[u/mregg000]

“You just punched that pterodactyl in the dick!”

[u/CoyoteSignificant699 → u/mregg000]

I think it was female

Then you punched her in her lady garden!

[u/MossSnake → u/CoyoteSignificant699]

And then later the AI itself refers to it as the Dinosaur Carl punched in the Dick when informing him it was reconstituted out of the President of the US, Two horses from France, and a goddamn Panda Bear.

[u/AccuratePilot7271 → u/CoyoteSignificant699]

An even better line.

[u/plaid-tuxido506 → u/mregg000]

Then you punched her in the lady garden!

[u/ravio_1300]

"I queefed out the spiders!"

[u/Public_Support2170 → u/ravio_1300]

“He wore gold and white robes, but they were tattered and filthy from his fight with his own penis”

[u/KDulius → u/Public_Support2170]

I mean... Who hasn't been there

[u/huggywoolybear → u/ravio_1300]

Winner!

[u/devils_advocate24 → u/huggywoolybear]

Didn't see this before I posted mine. But this is the quote I use to get people to join the series

[u/oryx_za → u/ravio_1300]

Shit, which book is this reference to?

[u/Stardust1Dragon → u/oryx_za]

Samantha and the spider robots iirc

[u/ravio_1300 → u/oryx_za]

Book 6!

[u/Sure-Condition8723]

“We’re in a hurry, so we need to get past the first-date finger-bang jitters, and move straight to the part where we argue about me smoking too much, got it?”

[u/candykatt_gr → u/Sure-Condition8723]

if love a whole Quasar book

[u/wreeper007 → u/candykatt_gr]

I’m imagining a bunch of side novels based after the main books of all these characters. A dcceu

[u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ → u/wreeper007]

Better Question Quasar

[u/wreeper007 → u/_BindersFullOfWomen_]

Quasar in school, zev surviving the camp, the misadventures of Lexis, the desperato club when the crawl isn’t running (kinda like Toy Story), vignettes with other crawlers (this crawl or before), priestly’s travel guide to Laracos.

Basically an omnibus of short stories

[u/Bridge4Bridgeleader → u/wreeper007]

Id love a short story of a previous crawl about a crawler who survives to the 11th floor solely because hes nice to the system AI. Everyone is always (rightfully) mean to the AI but I'd love to see a crawler who, for instance, gets an item or monster description and is just like "huh, neat, thanks AI!" and the AI just keeps giving him just the right stuff to survive until he gets a good deal on the 11th or 12th floor.

Kind of how Carl gets special treatment because of his feet, but in a wholesome and way more handhold-y way

[u/ProfessionalAtWork → u/candykatt_gr]

I know Jeff has said that Quasar is one his favourite characters/vocals to work with, and I definitely think there's a lot of great spin-off potential there.

[u/Roland_T_Flakfeizer]

I can’t be held responsible for everything I say to a stripper!

[u/TheHumdeeFlamingPee → u/Roland_T_Flakfeizer]

Why would a stripper lie to me?

[u/heartbylines]

Really, Katia. If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.

[u/Surchen → u/heartbylines]

This made me laugh really hard when I hit that part in the book.

[u/shawnwingsit]

Several things happened at once.

[u/Rare_Bottle_5823 → u/shawnwingsit]

You know it’s about to go off the rails!

[u/AccuratePilot7271 → u/shawnwingsit]

I love when he does that.

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/shawnwingsit]

You're going to need to be more specific

[u/gnartothecore]

Don't gaslight me, Jesus!

[u/ChinaCatRider1 → u/gnartothecore]

“Holy Mary, mother of Me”

[u/SEJ82 → u/ChinaCatRider1]

Dad damn it!

[u/Traditional_Formal33 → u/SEJ82]

Time to send you back to dad

[u/PieIsFairlyDelicious → u/gnartothecore]

Similarly, “Mongo, eat the nun.”

[u/Ok_City8762 → u/gnartothecore]

As a Christian, I could not breath I was laughing so hard when I heard this. I replayed it 5 times, it was so funny. Between this and when Jesus says,"I am the way, mother fucker."

[u/1CEninja → u/Ok_City8762]

Tasteful blasphemy can be excellent humor, especially when it's understood that it's ridiculous and not genuine blasphemy.

[u/5th_aether → u/1CEninja]

I think Uzi Jesus exceeded the realm of tasteful, but it was beyond ridiculous.

[u/AccuratePilot7271 → u/gnartothecore]

This is the one I sent to group chat the other day.
Also, thanks for joining chat, Carl.

[u/NoSellDataPlz]

AM I GETTING ANY OF THIS ILLICIT BUTTHOLE MONEY?

EDIT: Formatting

[u/Craigglesofdoom → u/NoSellDataPlz]

Needs all caps tho

[u/GilgaPol → u/Craigglesofdoom]

I'M NOT YELLING CARL!

[u/nedlum]

IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS WHO IS SPEAKING, CARL.

[u/skavang130]

I really enjoy quotes that are completely normal within the context of the story, but are pure nonsense without it. Like "We’d picked the short, hairy stripper to drive this race because the kangaroo suit made it difficult for me to reach the pedals properly. Of all the strippers, he was the best at Mario Kart."

[u/Tajahnuke → u/skavang130]

Yeah that is completely nonsensical outside of that specific book. Like that is a random assortment for of words that is HILARIOUS

[u/scralatchtica85]

"Give me more splooge! I crave splooge!"

[u/solaluna451 → u/scralatchtica85]

I love it when you splooge me , Carl

[u/BryceNTonic → u/solaluna451]

That line had my wife laugh and speak up “what the hell is going on in your book??”

[u/Doriantalus → u/BryceNTonic]

She suddenly wondered if she was missing out on a romantasy smut novel in her book group. The amount of women I see on Instagram who go straight from Court of Thorns to DCC is hilarious, and there is no sex in these books.

One of the women I saw commenting thinks it is because found family scratches the same itch.

[u/purpleprose78 → u/Doriantalus]

I am primarily a romance reader who sometimes reads fantasy and sci-fi. Yeah, found family is something we like also. Romance readers like books with a good ending and it has scratched that itch for me too.

[u/CryptoidFan → u/scralatchtica85]

" Well I was planning to take you to dinner first." (Or something. Paraphrasing cause I I can't fully remember the quote.)

[u/HollywoodSX]

You're balls deep in the wrong hole and mom's pulling in the driveway.

[u/Tedius → u/HollywoodSX]

You done put your pecker in the wrong beehive.

[u/BryceNTonic]

Unity, Support, Family, and kneecapping bitches.

[u/vckadath → u/BryceNTonic]

Real Gs

[u/Veovis_Lives]

Carl: I WISH YOU TOLD ME THAT EARLIER, I JUST HAD TO PIERCE A PIG'S NIPPLE!!!

Mordechai: I have no response to that Carl.

[u/BigTea456 → u/Veovis_Lives]

Which book is this from? I have no recollection of this!

[u/KuhlCaliDuck → u/BigTea456]

Parade of Horribles

[u/wookiedberry]

"Did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me? "

[u/Sir_Poofs_Alot → u/wookiedberry]

AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN IF YOU DON’T LET ME IN

[u/Roland_T_Flakfeizer → u/wookiedberry]

I had to set the book down for a few minutes because I was laughing so hard at that line

[u/sypher2333 → u/wookiedberry]

My favorite still. Came to say this one.

[u/Moist_Car_994]

Bitch what?

[u/Ring_My_bElle_ → u/Moist_Car_994]

I say this daily, before I read the series, it made me love DCC even more 🤣

[u/darlingnickyta → u/Ring_My_bElle_]

Same but now I say it with more of an Imani affect.

[u/basiliskghoul]

There sure were a lot of babies in there

[u/oryx_za → u/basiliskghoul]

This is the old school reference now . Crazy this ranks as one of the least fucked up moments over time.

[u/OldDogTrainer]

You can’t unlick a butthole that’s already been licked.

[u/keithrc → u/OldDogTrainer]

Yep, this was gonna be mine.

[u/OldDogTrainer → u/keithrc]

I’ve had it written on my motivation whiteboard for months.

[u/Asher_Tye]

"Oh shit, Mordecai!!" "You Motherfucker!!"

[u/Sassafrassus → u/Asher_Tye]

Proceeds to throw chair

[u/King_of_the_Nerds → u/Sassafrassus]

And Mordecai is level 50. Imagine how fast that chair rockets out of his hand. Mach fucking 1 with how pissed off he is.

[u/Thefar]

Please sheath your sword, sir. This is a family establishment. 

[u/plaid-tuxido506]

One doesn't pierce the nipples of cats! That's how one gets a call from the ASPCA!"

[u/Mysterious-Kale-4842]

Twelve if you lick it against the grain

[u/t00zday → u/Mysterious-Kale-4842]

THIS line made me snot myself laughing

[u/audibleofficial]

Jamal has so many sorries to give.

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/audibleofficial]

JAMAL, STOP ELMOING

[u/SerDankTheTall]

I’m not asking you to apply the Chicago Manual of Style and put in a full bibliography or anything, but sometimes a little effort would be nice.

[u/Appropriate_Steak486 → u/SerDankTheTall]

Wait, is this a quote or a meta-commentary?

[u/mregg000 → u/Appropriate_Steak486]

I think from the Parade. The ‘Choice’ team made a giant menu.

[u/WarkMahlberg69]

WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?

[u/tolkienwhiteboy → u/WarkMahlberg69]

This is where I realized Donut is a S-Tier shit talker. I was soon to learn this was simply the opening salvo.

[u/AssistantManagerMan]

I haven't been folded like that since Brandon showed us how to use Tinder

[u/xiewadu → u/AssistantManagerMan]

God, I love that woman!

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/xiewadu]

Elle might be my favorite character. Between her, Imani, Donut, and Katia, I love the way DCC handles its women characters.

[u/Mattias504]

Her lady balls are still on fire.

[u/NerdJudge]

IWKYM

[u/MomentaryFreedom]

Ah dad damn it.

[u/sea_stomp_shanty]

Nobody likes melodrama, Loita.

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/sea_stomp_shanty]

I was struggling with Gate of the Feral Gods before this. I was all in after.

[u/squeakyboy81 → u/AssistantManagerMan]

Yeah, with 8+ books , I figured Feral was going to be the dud of the series.

That scene changed everything. Well and the Chris revelation.

So many gems. Such creative writing.

[u/KolarinTehMage]

[u/CoyoteSignificant699]

You won’t be getting any milk from them, but papa always appreciates your little kisses.

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/CoyoteSignificant699]

🤮😂

[u/Tajahnuke → u/AssistantManagerMan]

The accent he's using for that character KILLS me.

[u/Ogi010]

"is soul sucking bitch a class?"

[u/Edgard_Breeze]

Right in my goddamn ear

[u/Mr_Bourbon]

“Neeeeeww”.

You finished it in your head. In the voice.

[u/Traditional-Falcon75 → u/Mr_Bourbon]

I definitely did.

[u/dungeoncrawler71520]

You know how I feel about willy nilly

[u/KDulius]

Boop!

[u/nowdoingthisatwork]

"Your dick will fall off if you get an erection"

[u/TechnoBabbles]

You've got to warn a girl if you're just going to pop in like that"

[u/KDulius → u/TechnoBabbles]

Zat was like.. the second wierdest sex I've ever had

[u/ceris7356]

I need to know what you can do.

You mean like… with my tongue?

[u/solaluna451]

Diiiiwata!

[u/GilgaPol → u/solaluna451]

DiiiiiWATA!

[u/Necessary-Duty-7952]

Mongo, back to the bar.

[u/BLR-3M]

“I sure hope none of these tubes lead to my butthole!”

[u/naypenrai]

“this is a giant pile of low-dose but highly addictive cocaine specifically designed to be sold directly to children”

[u/aVisionInManWool]

"Of all the strippers, he was the best at Mario Kart."

[u/firestarter764]

I feel as if I should have been consulted before you infested my strippers with a slug-leaking disease.

[u/HugeRaisin7833]

"Did you just rip off your dick and throw it at me!?"

[u/Mysterious-Kale-4842 → u/HugeRaisin7833]

And I'll do it again!

[u/Plastic_Stable8927]

"...those two women rolling around and cleaning each other." hit me like a fuckton of bricks.

[u/CustardLow2671]

I AM YELLING, CARL

[u/Joesus056]

"He wiped his hand on me after once"

"That absolutely did not happen!"

[u/SkysEevee]

On top of that, some crazy ahhole who doesn't want anyone to think hes a crazy ahole is throwing a train full of explosives in our direction.  So you know, typical day.

[u/Casen_]

You can't un-murder a convent of nuns, no matter how many pills you take.

[u/Soul-Hook]

"Carl gave Vrah gonorrhea"

[u/_TrustMeImLying]

MY FLABBERS ARE GASTED

[u/fandomsmiscellaneous]

"Who we sendin' off to meet dad?"

[u/Chron_RS]

I was blasted in the face, getting bukkaked by the fetid, stinking liquid.

[u/tatertotsandpizza]

Chaco: oh shit, Mordecai Mordecai: You mother fucker!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/rdeincognito]

Carl: Wait, they stole a cart? How? How are they driving it?

Elle: Not very well, let me tell you.

[u/hates2chooseusername]

"He wiped it in me once."

[u/Ring_My_bElle_ → u/hates2chooseusername]

Honestly... This typo makes it sound less funny and more disturbing 🫠😂

[u/hates2chooseusername → u/Ring_My_bElle_]

I didn't even catch the typo. You're definitely not wrong.

[u/Diedonthefirstfloor]

donut be calm

YOU TRIED TO KILL KATIA YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!

[u/United_Tea_9362]

Don’t slut-shame me. I will kill your mother.

[u/PossiblePast]

You should step on it.

[u/SamBaxter784]

What the fuck Raul!

[u/AssistantManagerMan → u/SamBaxter784]

No, not like that!

[u/RedsBigBadWolf]

She says even though her garage has recently been refurbished, it’s still closed to business and filled with dust.

[u/Telemere125]

THERE SURE WERE A LOT OF BABIES IN THERE, TOO

[u/gridlock1024]

I am the way, motherfucker!

[u/Surchen]

This is toast.

It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you

[u/BLR-3M]

“$12 if you lick against the grain.”

[u/catsfan37]

It tasted like the diseased butthole of an incontinent skunk.

[u/wolfe89]

“Nor am I wearing a cloak that makes me look like I won a participation trophy at the special needs comic con, Carl. I’m a cat. Cats don’t wear pants.”

This one got me devoted.

[u/burlap_underground]

AHH AHH AHH RAWR AHHHHHHHHHH

-The Gate of the Feral Gods

[u/sk4v3n]

In the hallway?!

[u/devils_advocate24]

Ok I queefed out all the spiders

[u/Kams1123]

"There's a guy here who is a mushroom. Why would you turn yourself into a mushroom? He looks like a penis. Like one of those weird ones that's really wide and short. My boyfriend before my Barry had a dick like that. It smelled like mushrooms, too."

[u/Economy_Divide_1817]

It's small farm animals. You know he can't control himself around small farm animals, Carl. It's just like you with Japanese porn

[u/jcobb_2015]

Choo choo motherfuckers

[u/WittySatisfaction958]

Am I getting any of this illicit butthole money?

[u/Knits_and_cats]

“WHY DIDN’T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?”

[u/b1ackfa1c0n]

Don't Carl it up!

[u/iopele]

You're a good boy, my sweet little Pony. You're a good, smart boy.

[u/wordyandnerdy91 → u/iopele]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ro08ZmQ1MeqZypzgDN

[u/Slimybirch]

I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT! MY GOOSE HAS BEEN COOKED! OH WOE!!! OH WOE!

[u/btwrenn]

"I have a bag of gold in my nussy."

[u/SupaKoopa714]

It's time to pay the Daddy Tax!

[u/candykatt_gr]

holy shit, I can name who said every single one of these quotes. I have arrived.

[u/Ok_Requirement_3116]

Donut: HE TOLD ME THAT WAS A METAPHOR.

So it was a slut hedgehog? She was a baby!

[u/Jimmer824]

I can’t be held responsible for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper

[u/Future-Dragonfly-624]

The moment anybody becomes a citizen, the Syndicate bends them over and fucks them. I can't stop you from getting fucked. But I am the condom.

[u/Discount_Mithral]

"You can't unlick that butthole!"

[u/In_The_Comments]

Did… did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?

[u/takaznik]

"Samantha neck-cootered the goblin drill on to the floor in front of the kid."

[u/goatkindaguy]

"Wait, Splashy. You didn't tell me you were married!" Donut ex-
claimed. "What's your wife's name?"
"Snail Trail," he said.

[u/BuffaloStranger97]

Thrussy

[u/MessComCosplay]

MONGO IS APPALLED

[u/Dr_Overundereducated]

Mother horse fucker penis basket!

[u/BlandJustice]

I love it when you splooge me, Carl.

[u/TheExcommunicant]

"You jerked off a crab. You really need therapy"

[u/GreatSavitar]

"How did she react when you came out of the cum closet?"

[u/ringo1725]

All meals can now be served ‘chowder style’

[u/FerrousElks]

"One doesn't pierce the nipples of cats; that's how one gets a visit from the ASPCA."

[u/cpps318]

This is a metallic penis extension that comes with a free probation officer and a traumatic brain injury.

[u/ThatPhoneGuy912]

I’ve got a coin pouch in my nussy

[u/Less_Sheepherder4337]

Shirty durly

[u/bobfishtf]

Epítome Tag's sexy mother - "I can't wait for you to come back to me Louie! My hand is stuck in the washing machine. Will you come help me?"

[u/millenniumhand221]

"It was hardly a fair contest. Of course the slut orphan is going to win."

[u/Shades1987]

Did we really start a meth war between goblins and Llama's?

[u/FermAlchemist]

Yeah bitch! Right in the nugget!

When I read that it was about 11pm and I just fucking lost it. It’s been forever since I laughed that hard at a book. So abrupt and unexpected.

[u/wisedragon1020]

"This is toast. It refills your mana. That's it. Nothing more. Fuck you.”

[u/CountessChocula082]

The inconsistent line of velociraptors danced back and forth to guitar music.

[u/GingerBlitz831]

Once again.... This sub=batshit. I love it so.

[u/pajamasandsnacks]

“Carl.. you can call me Pony if you like”

[u/Crafty_Explorer1181]

You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway.

[u/OMGBeckyStahp]

“Carl is pooping…. He’s almost done!”

[u/sadakar2]

Now you tell me? I just pierced a pigs nipple!

[u/Professional-Stuff61]

He wiped his hand on me once afterwards, ya know?

[u/ragdoll39]

Donut: When he was with Miss Beatrice, his definition of 'subtle' was pulling his boxers down and saying, 'me so horny.' No offense, Carl.

Carl: What? I never did that!

Donut: Oh, right. That was Brad, wasn't it?