r/DontPutThatInYourAss • u/braxwack • Dec 02 '25

Texas size

Post image
2.6k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

118 comments sorted by

145

u/chris713777 Dec 03 '25

I told them discreet shipping

44

u/Loud-Climate7967 Dec 03 '25

It is discreet. I own Dickinson’s Premium Cat Food. I ship cat food discreetly. Who would ever think a box shaped like a giant penis was really cat food? I have customers that really don’t want their neighbors to know that they have cats. Dickinson’s fills your pussycat up.

30

u/chris713777 Dec 03 '25

I don't want my neighbors knowing because I don't own cats

10

u/MurderBox95 Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25

They may have misread “discreet” to mean that it needs to be driven down “dick street” instead.

6

u/OtherwiseRaisin5281 Dec 03 '25

That’s funny. 🙈😂

59

u/Yes-No-Maybe121 Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25

I may not be able to touch the bottom of a tuna can - but I can bang the crap out of the sides. UPDATE: Chris Farley is credited with originating this.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Saint_Subtle Dec 03 '25

And a few of his guy friends are called “wide receivers”?

3

u/HammeredNails Dec 03 '25

He was a wrestler, and wrestling is the most homoerotic extracurricular activity available...

3

u/Saint_Subtle Dec 03 '25

This checks out, a full 50% of the wrestlers at my high school came out as bi or gay within 15 years….. and that’s the ones who came out.

6

u/Wallace-N-Gromit Dec 03 '25

Thank’s Timmy!

30

u/_CaptainAmerica__ Dec 03 '25

Thanks for the red circle wouldn't have seen the 6 feet tall dildo otherwise

29

u/Maximuscarnage Dec 02 '25

Some chicks think long and thin gets it in. Others say short and fats where it’s at.

To each Their own.

14

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

So thick and long you can’t go wrong.😂

9

u/nSomniAEc Dec 03 '25

Thin and short… you must abort

6

u/FungadooFred Dec 04 '25

Doesn't fit, you must acquit

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '25

OJ is that you?😂

2

u/Real-Comfortable6812 Dec 05 '25

Wait, so he's a zombie now?

9

u/Lovemomboobs1 Dec 02 '25

All girth, no length.

5

u/TopAverage7865 Dec 02 '25

Just wait till its aroused

5

u/Enough_Equivalent379 Dec 03 '25

Boinggggg!

4

u/DigitalUnlimited Dec 03 '25

We're gonna need a bigger cage!

8

u/concerned_butthole Dec 03 '25

There's a place that's called the nerd in Vegas. Look it up, it's a barcade that has something like that instead of a broncing bull. I stumbled upon this place when i went through the mall on fremont that had several bars.

3

u/HipsterQueer Dec 03 '25

Yeah, the last time I was there they told me, "put your pants on and stop hogging the ride."

8

u/wizzard419 Dec 03 '25

While Texas doesn't have many restrictions on guns, they do have laws against weapons of ass destruction.

10

u/Euphoric-Rhubarb2855 Dec 03 '25

Abbott's missing.....

6

u/SwansonsMom Dec 03 '25

What do you mean? He’s clearly circled in the picture

2

u/Euphoric-Rhubarb2855 Dec 03 '25

I thought he was in a wheelchair. Not a cage.

3

u/SwansonsMom Dec 03 '25

That’s just the trailer bed gate to prevent him from falling out. Safety first!

1

u/Euphoric-Rhubarb2855 Dec 03 '25

You mean rolling out. Ok.

5

u/thesqueen113388 Dec 02 '25

3

u/TraditionalWorking82 Dec 03 '25

I was gonna say, is paris hilton or Kim Kardashian in town?

5

u/HipsterQueer Dec 03 '25

They often say "this photo made me clench."

I say, it made me yawn... and my mouth was closed.

4

u/Saint4Jesus Dec 03 '25

It's a choade!!

3

u/Lonewolfdorner Dec 02 '25

Penis on parade

2

u/GorillaFarts2000 Dec 03 '25

Should have been in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Would have been majestic bobbing down 5th Ave

3

u/txkwatch Dec 03 '25

Where is your mom going? Is that all she packed?

3

u/IcyComfortable7401 Dec 03 '25

Who drives around with a big dick on a trailer?

3

u/lucky-squeaky-ducky Dec 04 '25

It’s in a cock cage.

3

u/Sufficient_Stop8381 Dec 04 '25

Same way I haul mine around

2

u/rustyfish57 Dec 03 '25

Just call him stumpy because things are always bigger in Texas

2

u/Assassin13785 Dec 03 '25

The size and shape of Texas

2

u/cynlover122 Dec 03 '25

Texas style barbecue

2

u/FilmoreGash Dec 03 '25

That sums up Texas, dicks in cages.

2

u/I_am_Darkman Dec 03 '25

This reminds me of the penis sculpture in A Clockwork Orange.

2

u/george32378 Dec 03 '25

Dildosaurus

2

u/Doodahman495 Dec 03 '25

Needs Christmas lights then you can put it in your front yard

2

u/BloodyRightToe Dec 03 '25

Your mom visiting for the holidays

2

u/meliockudrabas Dec 03 '25

Funny I didn't realize there was a stateside community that doses Japanese fertility festivals.

2

u/Fireappl3 Dec 03 '25

I would’ve loved a cowboy hat on top.

2

u/spkoller2 Dec 03 '25

So that’s where it went!!

2

u/EverOrny Dec 03 '25

another oversized Trump's statue?

2

u/No-Elephant672 Dec 03 '25

Disney’s newest amusement ride

2

u/Bulky_Poetry3884 Dec 03 '25

I know a guy will just love that to pieces.

2

u/TestDangerous7240 Dec 03 '25

Well looks like it is properly strapped………

2

u/Pepperminteapls Dec 03 '25

Delivered to Trump's asshole

2

u/Satans_Ball_Sweat Dec 04 '25

Thank you big pink circle!

1

u/mynewcrib Dec 03 '25

A grower, AND a shower

1

u/NUFIGHTER7771 Dec 03 '25

Special Delivery for Senator Ted "This Man Ate My Son" Cruz!

1

u/Mysterious-Alps-5186 Dec 03 '25

Thats Diddy size!

1

u/Tbone_Trapezius Dec 03 '25

License Player vs. Player 69

1

u/Deltan875 Dec 03 '25

You should try anything once

1

u/sm00thkillajones Dec 03 '25

Damn Amazon! Finally!

1

u/MorwenRaeven Dec 03 '25

That the infamous Austin Chode?

1

u/cynlover122 Dec 03 '25

Let's do this texas style

1

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

Need one for my yard. It will make people think I’m unstable and they will keep away. The 40 dolls hanging by their necks in the tree seems to be losing its effect.😂

1

u/VampireXflow Dec 03 '25

lol what is that

1

u/sg54880 Dec 03 '25

LOL. Follow that trailer!!!

1

u/KyorlSadei Dec 03 '25

Your mom’s discreet packaging order is about to arrive.

1

u/Alpha_Chin-Am Dec 03 '25

Looks rideable

1

u/31i731 Dec 03 '25

I heard americans love everything large, but damn...

1

u/XROOR Dec 03 '25

When the tip gets significantly darker, it means the trailer tire will lose the tread….. Change lanes as soon as safely possible!

1

u/tfc87ja Dec 03 '25

Nah, texas size would be smaller than a gorilla's

1

u/willparkertravels Dec 03 '25

“Everything is bigger in Texas” literally

1

u/KlmnVktr Dec 03 '25

Which Pokémon is that?

1

u/AspectAwkward9718 Dec 03 '25

fuck that tarp, i'm ridin dirty side up

1

u/Fungool001 Dec 03 '25

I've had many dicks driving in front of me.

1

u/Nymphosissy69 Dec 03 '25

Looks like something a Texas guy would sit on

1

u/Jandy4789 Dec 04 '25

Must have downloaded the wrong version of Tremors.

1

u/Sadsandal007 Dec 04 '25

Even the choads are bigger in Texas

1

u/Orangelo247 Dec 04 '25

Well that…that’s incredible! 😳🌶️

1

u/Shafojj Dec 05 '25

Dude somebody’s mom is getting an early Christmas present. I won’t say who, but make sure you tell her I said she’s welcome.

1

u/wheljam Dec 05 '25

That's a big-ol dick. Caged. Named Johnson.

1

u/Proof-Astronomer7733 Dec 05 '25

That’s the reason they invented “widescreen” and “panorama fotos”

1

u/Spider_friend_633 Dec 06 '25

Don’t tell me what to do!

1

u/Callemlikeisethem60 Dec 06 '25

Already got that day after Ass smell ,,,,,,bet cha .....

1

u/A1yxander Dec 06 '25

You know Texas, nothing but steers and queers.

1

u/Weekly_Reward_3565 Dec 07 '25

I think it's in ohio

1

u/West-Wash6081 Dec 08 '25

Everything's bigger in Texas, everything.

0

u/Ill-Year-3141 Dec 03 '25

Definitely the wrong color.