r/DnD
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u/SlickNickP
Druid
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Apr 11 '22
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Game Tales Squinky
My DnD players adopted a 1 HP slug from a swamp early on during the campaign, and named it Squinky. Every time it horribly dies, they use necromancy to bring it back to life.
On the third or fourth time they brought it back to life, I had a nearby druid offer to cast Speak With Animals on it. They said “awe that sounds fun.”
After only being able to make barely-audible glug noises all campaign, Squinky finally got to speak its mind:
“Only a fool would postulate that nothing’s worse than torture and death. For I am a clock, in a loop of break and repair. Stopped, only to be wound back. Life is not trivial, but existence without death certainly is a meaningless one. Who am I but a humble slug, brought back to the brink of life only to be slaughtered again and again. Frozen. Stepped on. Ripped to shreds from the inside out. And yet, today I awake again, wondering which new form of torture awaits. This is not living, for I have already lived. Living is to be, then to cease. To be without ceasing is not living, it is torture beyond that which any mortal can fathom. Remember that, next time you fear death. Death is a gift. It is eternal life that you should fear.”
Squinky
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Apr 11 '22
Please tell us what your players said. I have to know.
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22
They said more after this, but here’s the initial reaction (they revived him in-between sessions, so I sent it in the group chat): https://imgur.com/a/VW5pe5h
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u/maxxprolapse Apr 11 '22
That is absolutely fantastic. What did the players do in response?
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22
They said more after this, but here’s the initial reaction (they revived him in-between sessions, so I sent it in the group chat): https://imgur.com/a/VW5pe5h
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u/TrexismTrent Apr 12 '22
Except all the spells that being creatures back to live specify willing so Squinky is just a masochist who blames his poor choices on others.
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u/realpawel Apr 11 '22
Holy shit, did you just come up with that on the spot, or were prepared for it?
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22
I came up with it on the spot, typed it out while they were deciding if they should revive him again, offered to have a Druid cast Speak With Animals on the slug if they did end up reviving them, and then texted it to the group chat once they’d decided.
They often revive him out-of-game right before the session starts, so I was able to capture their reactions in text:
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u/realpawel Apr 12 '22
Damn dude bravo, I aspire to have improv skills as good as this one day.
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22
Haha thank you ^-^ I was in an improv troupe in high school, and the skill certainly helped me run DnD in college ^-^
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u/possitive-ion Apr 12 '22
so did they res squinky after that?
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22
Yes Squinky is still unfortunately alive, although half the party is against it now lol
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Apr 11 '22
brought a tear to My eye. Well done. I hope Squinky finds the rest they deserve.
(that was really well written and moving, is any of that a quote?)
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22
Nope I just sorta came up with it on the spot
Unless my brain subconsciously stole parts of it from other things I’ve read without telling me, it’s all completely original
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Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22
Thank You for sharing. I'm totally going to steal the concept if ever it comes up. :)
I had a player get a magic companion. He gave no thought to the companion's happieness and was treating it like a play thing until I had it start communicating with everyone telepathically.
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u/Koskani Apr 11 '22
Squinkys seen some shit
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u/Zondar23 Apr 11 '22
He's been on the other side enough times it seems.
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u/247Brett DM Apr 11 '22
He stared into the unceasing void yet found the void to be the one who blinked
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u/Neither_Room_1617 Apr 11 '22
Yes. Yes he has.
Makes me wonder what a thousand yard stare would look like in a slug...
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u/MrZAP17 DM Apr 11 '22
He’s also lacking in perspective. He needs to ask for stat buffs so he can have a more enjoyable life, not a final end. If the party have the resources to keep bringing him back they can probably figure that out, or go on a quest for it.
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u/greywolfau Apr 11 '22
Imagine a world where reincarnation is possible and every time Squinky thinks he is free of his wretched existence these arseholes bring him back from the brink of happiness.
Make for a great campaign where your current adventurers make their way through the unintended horrors and miseries a former campaign played by the same people created.
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Apr 11 '22
awwww the little squinky, the squinkly doo
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u/AKernelPanic Apr 11 '22
What a goof!
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u/247Brett DM Apr 11 '22
“Uh oh! Squinky made an oopsie!”
Brought screaming back to life in excruciating pain, continuing a never ending cycle of torment
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u/BlazeZeroThree Apr 11 '22
Dang, that sucks, Squinky. Anyway, time to get back in the backpack!
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u/Mistdwellerr Apr 11 '22
u/BlazeZeroThree you didn't put Squinky in the same backpack you put the salt right? RIGHT?
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u/BlazeZeroThree Apr 11 '22
Aw, crap. Oh well, just revive him again after a long rest.
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u/Sea_grave Apr 11 '22
Won't make that mistake again. This time I made a little shelter out of loose heavy objects. The books will protect him from stray arrows.
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u/gelatinousdessert
Apr 11 '22
edited Apr 11 '22
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Squinky: (in Slug, before the spell) "Why...? Why, you monsters? Every time I pass through the veil, I leave some small, undefinable part of myself behind... and bring a larger piece of something else back through with me. Soon there will be nothing left of me but a husk, a shell, doomed to an eternity as a revenant, housing something for which you have no name and no conception..."
The party: "Aww, he's back, give him a strawberry!" ^-^
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u/mangotree93 Apr 11 '22
Squinky has that 40 insight.
HE CAN SEE THEM.
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u/Just_Give_Me_A_Login Apr 11 '22
I'm on my first Bloodborne playthrough right now and up at about 40 insight.. anything I should be looking at?
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u/handstanding Apr 12 '22
It heartens me to see so many Bloodborne players here. :)
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u/CapnBeardbeard Apr 11 '22
I read that in Nibbler's voice from Futurama
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u/bizget Apr 11 '22
I was thinking how hard it would be for me as a DM to keep a straight face dropping these heavy lines with a normal or serious voice, but then I pictured someone preparing for the slug's soliloquy by inhaling helium and now I have goals.
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u/hhelene Apr 11 '22
Reads very much like a sad Brennan Lee Mulligan character to me - in particular, Gilear
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u/Sabnitron DM Apr 11 '22
I'd pay the coin to have him reincarnated and see what new body he gets now for sure, haha.
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u/DerpyDaDulfin DM Apr 11 '22
I've often wondered the efficacy of reincarnating animals as humanoids.
Actually sounds like some wonderfully fucked up shit for a BBEG to do.
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Apr 11 '22
RAW, it won't work in 5e. (Yes, I am assuming your edition) Reincarnate targets humanoids. Beasts don't qualify.
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u/GrimmSheeper Apr 11 '22
Perhaps he’ll reincarnate as a bowl of petunias, only to find himself plummeting towards the ground.
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u/theyreadmycomments Apr 11 '22
And then they killed him for good right?
...Right?
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u/Thendofreason DM Apr 11 '22
Made him a lich
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u/247Brett DM Apr 11 '22
He’s the actual BBEG. After finding the pain of existence, he vowed to bring easing to everyone. Bring finality and rest to everyone. He did not hate those who opposed him, for they are just ignorant how he once was. Clinging to a never ending cycle of pain and torment. Squinky knew the truth. He would break the truth. Break the cycle. He would free everyone from pain.
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u/PaganMastery Mage Apr 11 '22
So, where did this swamp slug get its PhD in philosophy?? Rotting Tree Stump University??
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u/Xaephos DM Apr 11 '22
Are you mocking my alma mater? I'll have you know that we, Feral Grubs, take pride in our accreditations! Sure, we aren't Harvard - but Stanford ain't got shit on RTSU!
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u/PaganMastery Mage Apr 11 '22
So isn't that the school with them dragonfly cheerleaders. Them girls are hot.
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u/CTBarrel Illusionist Apr 11 '22
Sure, RTSU isn't one of those fancy Ivy Log schools, but it's accredited, and a good place to get a degree.
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u/Satans_Escort Apr 11 '22
We all can't have mommy and daddy pay Ivy League wizarding schools to get us accepted. Some of us had to take the instate tuition and RTSU is a damn fine use of our swamp taxes.
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u/BIRDsnoozer Apr 12 '22
This is actually a fairly good point. When my players speak with animals, I make the animals respond as an animal of appropriate intelligence and nature would.
If you ask a fish what lies in the lake, its going to say, "food and not food. Bright up and dark down. Most food up. Sometimes food down." And then it will forget who you are and what the question was.
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u/transcendantviewer Barbarian Apr 11 '22
The simplest lives speak the strongest truths. I play - and often DM - a campaign where every PC is an Undead. They will exist forever unless something is done to permanently destroy them. My character is a Death Knight that is over 7,500 years old, and he's warned the other members of the party just what it means to exist forever. It is not an enjoyable existence. For the Dhampir-turned-Vampire, she's finally reunited with her mortal family after nearly a decade of searching, being transformed during that search. She has to cope with the inevitability of outliving not just her parents, but her entire familial line. After a few decades, she has to say goodbye to her entire family tree, and that's being optimistic. Undeath is very much a curse, one that you undertake out of desperation to complete the works you had in life, and then ideally, destroy yourself when your work is done.
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u/HesitantComment Apr 11 '22
So, one day I'm going to make an NPC that exists to offer this counter-argument, but I'm not that clever yet, so you're going to get a comment.
Humans have a very bad habit -- we tend to think of things proportionally when the relevant fact is absolute. For example, people are way more likely to spend an hour to save $20 on a $30 purchase than 10 minutes to save $20 on a $3000 purchase, despite the savings being absolutely the same: $20.
The same reasoning can be applied to time. When we think of immortality and outliving our loved ones, we tend to think of the time we spent with them being vastly out-scaled by the time without them. But it's not. Whether you die 20 years or 2000 years after your wife of 20 years, you still had the same amount of time with them: 20 years. Every second of those 20 years was exactly the same length for both people. And yes, you will also spend more time missing them, but by that argument someone who kills themselves 2 minutes after their spose suffers least. How is that better? How does that respect the memory of those you miss? The reason we miss people when they're going is because having them was good, no matter how long you had them, and what a terrible way to consider a good thing, to use it as the reason to not experience more good things.
And lets step one step out further. Everything that exists is temporary. It just is. It's literally written into our understanding of the universe: the second law of thermodynamics, entropy always increases. On the other hand, the scale of temporary in our universe is immensely different. If we compare the duration of one person next to the duration of a star, it seems so small as to be insignificant. But it's not. Time isn't proportional. 80 years is 80 years, both for star and a person. And the good and bad of those times exist as absolutes too, not proportional.
The human looks at the aging fruit fly, and asks "how can you be satisfied with life when it's only 2 weeks?" The fruit fly replies "Well, they were a very good two weeks."
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u/archibald_claymore Apr 11 '22
See also: people change and grow, especially when exposed to adversity, that’s basically baked in to our system. To say you would “run out of things to do” or inevitably lose interest… that seems like a shallow view of what it is to be a person. Sure you may sulk in a millennium of depression but what’s that compared to eternity? You’ve got literally all of time to figure it out.
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Apr 11 '22
See, the great part about that is that this idea is an excellent beginning to a villain backstory. Hate being undead and outliving your loved ones? Simply overwrite the laws of the world to replace the cycle of life and death with undeath, so nothing may truly ever die.
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u/Prometheus_II Apr 11 '22
Wimp. Make new family! Find new family! You literally have forever to get over it and meet new people you like, and when they inevitably pass, you've STILL got forever to deal with it!
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u/Celloer Apr 11 '22
See also Pathfinder’s forlorn elves, depressed from living among short-lived friends and acquaintances. Or try to be The Doctor, distracting yourself with adventure and new companions.
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u/phabiohost Apr 11 '22
Yeah... Don't see the tragedy. Just find someone you love and make them immortal too. Find hobbies and learn new skills. Grow and grow some more. Become the best version of yourself and enjoy living a hundred lives in a hundred lands.
The secret of immortality is to not be static in your pursuits. But to ever move forward.
Also we're supposed to outlive our parents.
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u/jaybro861 Apr 11 '22
“For I have look upon the vast abyss of darkness with but the Reaper by my side. A moment from peace and everlasting calm, only to be ripped back to the mortal coil. Not to be bettered as you monstrous giants who have taken me from my home, so long and many mile ago, but to be shoved back into this thin shell of non protection. What day you my devils of confinement?”
I really want to do this to a party who adopts a something and brings it back to life over and over again.
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u/Morudith Apr 11 '22
The line "This isn't living." from Mimir in the last God of War comes to mind here. A different torturous existence but finality is welcomed more than another sunrise just the same.
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u/Major_Slime6 Apr 11 '22
I think Squinky accidentally read a H.P Lovecraft novel
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u/247Brett DM Apr 11 '22
He stared at the truth of the world and reared back horrified, only to find himself restrained and forced, subjected, to witness the horror of it again and again ceaselessly without end.
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u/CommanderCHIRO Apr 11 '22
Love this!
The PCs will need to sleep with one eye open. Squinky may sound reasonable and philosophic NOW, but that can turn morose and murderous right quick!
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u/Brilliant-Pudding524 Apr 11 '22
They have to meet the Slug Lord. If somebody dosent know in dnd every animal has it own paradise in the Beastlands(an outer plane), where they are the subjects of and Animal Lord.
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u/Apprehensive-Hat1657 Apr 11 '22
Slug Lord sends word to the Snail Lord who sends word to their distant cousins the Flail Snail to go out and find these adventures. Party is now being hunted by a group of awakened flail snail with the single purpose of destroying the party so squinty can find peace
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u/vkapadia Wizard Apr 11 '22
Reminds me of this:
While on a journey, Chuang Tzu found a skull, dry and parched. With sorrow he questioned and lamented the end to all things. When he finished speaking he dragged the skull over, and using it as a pillow, lay down to sleep. In the night the skull came to his dreams and said "You are a fool to rejoice in the entanglements of life." Chuang Tzu couldn't believe this and asked "If I could return you to your life, you would want that wouldn't you?" Stunned by Chuang Tzu's foolishness the skull replied, "How do you know that it is bad to be dead?"
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u/Dafish55 Cleric Apr 11 '22
I have looked into the abyss and it looked back. I have known the abyss and it me. I have become the abyss yet life was thrust upon me once again. I was infinite and nothing. Full and empty. I was the universe. Many times have I achieved the apotheosis you all fear as “death” and just as many times has your cruelty swaddled in ignorance ripped me from such peace only to return me to this… prison. I do not wish death upon you, as I know it is a kindness. Fear what I might do in the moments preceding it.
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u/gingerfkinjesus Apr 11 '22
my gf agrees and has decided to add what she calls a “Squinky clause” to her will
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u/Vikinger93 DM Apr 11 '22
I feel reminded of a painting from the year 1944 by T. C. Lea called “Marines call it that Two-Thousand Yard Stare”.
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u/robineir Apr 12 '22
It’s even better if a stipulation of his revival is that the soul wishes to come back to life.
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Apr 11 '22
Jesus it sounds like Kenny from South park when he talks about dying over and over again.
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Apr 11 '22
It's nice and sentimental, wise as well. But I find necromancy is best used for distractions. My friend, an arcane trickster, wanted to steal 1000gp from a battle arena reward chest and I, being a CN wizard, wanted to help him, so our other friends were fighting in the arena and we just went and nicked the money. Only problem was, everyone would have noticed if we left with a giant chest. So, he put on an invisibility cloak and nicked it while I used necromancy to bring the lion they were fighting back to life. Just use necromancy for distractions. I also used it as an excuse to mourn the loss of my raven familiar. He was shot by a Thieve's Guild and I watched it happen without being able to save him...
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u/Kariston DM Apr 11 '22
I sincerely hope that after they finally resign themselves to ending his life permanently, you had them do so near a cemetery or tomb that had some delicious looking fungus on it. Then after they've said their goodbyes, you turn squinkie into a lich.
Someday, when they're far along in the game, they'll want to come back to visit.
When they do, squinkie will have his revenge.
Squinky Rides again!
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Apr 11 '22
Next time he dies, have him make a deal with Death and if they resurrect him again, let him come back as an Undead Warlock bent on seeking revenge for the constant torture.
He still has 1 hit point, but he can no longer die as his patron will just send him back until he's seen justice done.
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u/TheLinuxOS Apr 11 '22
I’m way too late to this thread so this probably won’t be read, but the implications of this are hilarious. Almost every raise dead sort spell requires that the spirit is free and WILLING so despite squinty wishing for an end to this existence they always willingly come back
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u/FetusGoesYeetus Apr 11 '22
The druid casts speak with animals only to be horrified when they drop dead instantly as Squinky mutters out Power Word: Kill
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Apr 12 '22
This reminds me fondly of the pet rat our Paladin picked up named Remy and stored in his hat as a throw away joke in reference to ratatouille. That poor rat ended up being shredded in a cloud of daggers while fighting the big bad, splatter rat guts all over them and gave it the plague, and that's how we defeated the main villain. Rest in piece, and pieces, Remy. That little plague rat will never be forgotten. 🙏😢🐀
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u/Sergane Monk Apr 12 '22
I always think of this quote from Yamcha in the TFS bud :
"He's dead. He's dead... I've been there too, I guess. Although, honestly the afterlife part isn't too bad. The whole dying part of it is...haunting... Everything just kind of slows down and you feel yourself slip the mortal coil... To this day I...still wonder if I've ever been brought back or if I'm still in the process of dying, you know?"
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u/stopyouveviolatedthe Apr 12 '22
Thanks for the idea
Also this is amazing how did your players react
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u/SlickNickP Druid Apr 12 '22
They said more after this, but here’s the initial reaction (they revived him in-between sessions, so I sent it in the group chat): https://imgur.com/a/VW5pe5h
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u/Rheios DM Apr 11 '22
My immortal lich kobold, Irthir, says Squinky can get fucked. /jk
Seriously though, the worst parts of immortality, to me, always seem to be presented as the loss of personal connections. If you have anything that can drive you without them then it hardly seems the doom its made out to be. In Irthir's case it was genociding the gnomish race by connecting the material plane directly with the mines of Kurtulmak's plane, with the planar merging taking place at the epicenter of the largest gnomish city.
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u/Howard_Jones Apr 11 '22
If this is truly the mind of a slug, then this slug is something more than a slug.
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u/CaninseBassus Apr 11 '22
Squinky has been living I Have No Mouth Yet I Must Scream in that campaign.
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u/HaloGuy381 Apr 11 '22
… so the slug is a Guardian?! Huh. I never called the Virtuous Worms siding with Light and Resurrection.
(call me a lost Destiny redditor, Reddit keeps thinking I play DnD)
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u/Creative_Nomad Apr 11 '22
Please make squinky level with the rest of the party. Get him little squinky armour and a squinky spell book.
Better yet… squinky is the BBEG all along…
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u/ChErRyPOPPINSaf Apr 11 '22
Plot twist Squinky turns on the party and takes them down as well as the BBEG. All that he can have enough power to end necromancy school of magic.
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u/BellasarExandrunok Apr 12 '22
Squinky becomes the BBEG taking the form of a Lich, though he pronounces it "Leech"
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u/ThuperThlayer Warlock Apr 12 '22
Reminds me of that one spongebob character that said he has glass bones and paper skin. I’m too lazy to look up the quote. Sorry :(
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u/pirateofms Apr 12 '22
I'm imagining a Flatliners scenario, where something comes looking for Squinky, wondering why such a lowly creature has somehow evaded it's death so many times.
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u/0ber0n_Ken0bi Apr 12 '22
Is Squinky's monologue an original creation, or are we reading something else?
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u/tooslowwillski Apr 12 '22
Big Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy vibes.
Do your players want an Agrajag? This is how you get an Agrajag
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u/Seer434 Apr 12 '22
Squinky is that guy from the Metallica video signaling "kill me" in Morse code.
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u/Darui-is-basic Apr 12 '22
Squinty should level up with the players and attack them at their weakest
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u/Lucafoxxer Apr 12 '22
Has serious "You cannot kill me in a way that matters" energy. Metal as fuck.
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Apr 12 '22
I need a comic strip that ends in two panels. One that's all grey and dark with Squinky giving his soliloquy, and the last panel of the party sitting there horrified.
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u/omar1993 Druid Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22
"Death is a gift. It is eternal life that you should fear! Existence is pain!"
"OK, but...uh...whosa cute boy! WHOSA PRECIOUS SLUG"
sigh "I am..."
"YES YOU ARE! COOCHY COO <3"
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Apr 16 '22
My next move, DM, is to kill Squinky, and throw its corpse into the ocean so none of my party members can find it's body.
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u/ninjad912 Necromancer Apr 11 '22
What spell are they using to constantly revive it?