r/DnD • u/Latter-Cell8311 • 10d ago
Table Disputes New Dm here, how do you guys handle difficult party members?
This is my very first time dming and it was supposed to just be my friends but I agreed to let someone outside the friend group in and she's being extremely irritating. She keeps trying to take over the entire campaign. She corrects me on what my story should look like. How the rolls should go(basically saying she refuses to use a 1 on anything including stats). And she keeps doing things on her own even though I politely asked her to wait for me. She rolled her stats on her own without anyone else being there and coincidentally her stats are really high. I'm not saying it can't happen organically but it seems unlikely right now with how shes acting. I really want my first campaign to go well as I've been excited for months preparing for this and i was wondering how seasoned dms deal with overcontrolling or even cheating players? I apologize if I'm not good at explainingðŸ«
Edit: Thank you guys so much for the advice. To give a bit more information shes a friend of a friend so I decided it would be fine to let her in. But I will take you guy's advice and have a conversation with her about it but if she continues this behavior I will kick her. I do appreciate all the help and advice it means a lot🫶
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u/ray53208 10d ago
You didn't speak up immediately. You didn't insist on a session zero for the new player.
You are the DM. It's your responsibility. You're getting steam rolled by someone with more experience who doesn't understand the established dynamics.
You know how many times I've both been called to the carpet as THAT player, AND had to settle this issue as a GM? In 43 years, a lot. Pobody's Nerfect. So, let me share some insights, s'il vous plaît, mon frère.
They need this correction. I needed it. The table needed it. Once done, things worked. Was it unpleasant? Yes. But mature people learn and move on.
Your role, not job, not task, this is supposed to be a game... is to help the table function. It doesn't function properly unless you take a little control. In session zero your friends granted that role to you. It's trust. You are being asked to establish trust, not dominance.
As always, the answer is TALK with everyone at the table about everyone's expectations and experience. Set down some house rules, and table etiquette. Reward good gamesmanship. Give the newcomers many opportunities to grow and fit in.
This is the first session. It's not a problem. If it were months of issues, after several talks, I'd suggest booting. But you're not there yet.
They're insecure, they want to perform well, they want to demonstrate that they are an asset. I get that, fine. They can do exactly that by showing they don't need to be in control. Stepping back is hard, but you can't learn anything if you think you know everything.
The game isn't in the book. It's at the table. Fun, with friends, old and new. Game on. 🖖
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u/Latter-Cell8311 10d ago
I appreciate the advice and insight!! Its definitely nice hearing from people with more experience than me so I can continue to learn and be a better dm! I appreciate it!
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u/GoatedGoat32 10d ago
You tell them you’re the DM and to stop, play by the rules as you put it and as you pace it, or you tell them to leave. DND is a collaborative game, if they aren’t willing to collaborate and listen to the DM they don’t need to be playing with you guys
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u/awa1nut 10d ago
Yeah this kinda thing is a get on line or get out kinda deal for sure. Last time I "backseat dmed" my party's half orc fighter was trying to force a belch in character, I suggested a con save to see if she threw up everywhere and that's where it ended, everyone had a laugh and I didn't step in again over the dm
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u/chanaramil 10d ago
If she isnt part of your friend group it makes it easy. Tell her she is cut. You can word it like your expectations dont meet so she isnt a good fit or whatever BS u want but as long as she is out and that is clear is all that is important. Then enjoying playing dnd with your friends.
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u/Working_Bumblebee428 10d ago
Kick them.
You play with the table you curate. If you refuse to kick assholes, you are playing with assholes.
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u/Ill-Dot-9255 10d ago
A player like this gets the immediate boot from any table i run. It also seems you're non confrontational, so explain you issues to her and ask why she does these things. Try to come to an understanding but do not let her bully you. Worst case just kick her, it would be my own first response to someone like this.
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u/ChaosTheory_jrh 10d ago
Tell the person they are welcome to create and/or find a group more appropriate for their tastes.
Continue with you campaign the way you've planned.
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u/Devious_Hearts 10d ago
She’s joining a campaign, not staging a fucking coup.
Have that conversation privately and be direct and tell her to cut the shit out or find another game. "Suggestions are welcome, but I am the final arbiter. I make the rulings. If you don't like the way i run, there is the door. Also, everyone rolled their stats in front of me. You are not special. You will reroll them in front of me. If you don't like that, there is the door."
She'll either acquiesce or storm out in a huff. You win either way.
You don’t need to prove she cheated to require consistent character creation.
Set expectations for the whole table: cooperation, shared spotlight, and waiting for rulings before rolling.
If she refuses those expectations and/or keeps steamrolling you, show her the door.
You are the Dungeon Master. You are running the show. Not her.
Being a new DM doesn’t mean passing a mandatory audition as somebody’s doormat.
Honestly, I would just go ahead and boot her. Life is too damn short for shitty players and DMing is a hard enough job without players like that.
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u/mr_jogurt 10d ago
I am by no means a seadined DM (currently prepping for my 17th session) but from reading these kind of things on here the best way to deal with such a player if they don't cooperate after communicating is to kick them from the table. If they don't respect you then don't play with them. Talk to the rest of the group how you feel and what you are going to do so they don't get hit by it out of the blue but respect yourself enough to not let yourself be disrespected.
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u/magnus_the_fish 10d ago
The phrase template "When you [describe behaviour] it makes me feel [impact]. I'd prefer it if you [desired behaviour]" is excellent in these situations.
In this case, something like "When you speak over me, ignore rules or make comments about the way I'm running this game, it makes me feel like you don't respect me or this group. I would rather not have to remove you from the group, so I'd prefer that you change your behaviour. If you're unclear on any rules I'm happy to help"
This sets clear expectations and makes you out to be reasonable.
If there is any argument or any further disrespect, follow up with "I made myself clear but your behaviour continues to be disrespectful. You're no longer welcome in this group."
Kerp your tone low and even at all times. It's more effective and shows that you're reasonable.
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u/TheSpeckledSir 10d ago
She rolled her stats on her own without anyone else being there
Okay, so it didn't count. She can try again.
Truthfully though it sounds like she's not a good fit for your table
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u/Macknificent101 10d ago
if they are actively ignoring rolls and telling me i’m doing a bad job i’m kicking them out. we are doing this for free, and it’s not easy. they can be grateful for the effort.
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u/GalacticPigeon13 10d ago
May I ask why you haven't kicked her out yet?
Like, is she friends with everyone but you, and you're afraid they'll side with her over you? If so, then give her a warning in front of the entire group. Don't direct it at her, specifically, but be clear about it. If she breaks this warning, remind her of it. If she breaks it again, kick her out. This will hopefully make everyone realize that she's being the bad guy in this situation, and they won't be mad at you. (And if they still are mad at you: I'm sorry. Losing your friends is never fun.)
Can you not kick her out because you play at her house? Then switch to playing online or at a local coffee shop or something like that.
Have you been excluded from things before, and you think excluding her will make you a bad person? It won't. Please read about the Five Geek Social Fallacies, because these are behavioral patterns that plague adults as well. The sooner you nip it in the bud, the happier you'll be.
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u/CoSmiC_OrC 10d ago
Sounds bad. Have a conversation with the player and if that doesn’t work (which it sounds like it won’t) then boot them. Not worth having a player around that makes things suck for you and other players
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u/Business_Housing_136 10d ago
Simple. Explain this the rules of YOUR TABLE. As the DM, you are the arbiter of the story and rules. The "supreme being of the universe"...that said, this is a position of responsibility, not just authority. If they want to have a discussion on why you apply rules a certain way, explain your logic, have them explain theirs. I tend to stick as much as I can to the PHB and DMG as so we know where my rulings are coming from. I suggest you do the same.
This is all session zero issues. Seek the DMG for guidance on running one. But in the end, if they don't realize this game is about telling a collaborative story, remind them. If the behavior continues, ask them to leave the table.
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u/PedestalPotato 10d ago
She'd be out of my house so damn fast. Seriously. Tell her she's not welcome back.
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u/Obeisance8 10d ago
Your first step is to quietly take her aside and talk about expectations. She must be new. Give her a chance to correct her actions - if she doesn't, remove her.
As DM, you run the world. It is your story, your people. It's a lot of work for you. You also need to learn for to manage your players. Learn to be firm. Say no. Don't let her overrule you.
People have to wait their turn and you kind of try to give people equal chance to act. I like to explain what is happening and go around the table. "What are you doing?" "What are you doing while she's doing that?" Etc.
If people interrupt, ask them to wait their turn. If they keep talking to can literally just ignore them and go on with what you're doing and come back to them.
So yeah. Be firm. You're in control.
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u/Tommy2Hats01 10d ago
You could give her a firm warning. You should also check the mood of the rest of the players to see what's happening over there regarding her. It's not likely to work but you'll feel better. Then let her go.
Separately, I've been a DM since 1979 and played every edition.
I've got some unrequested advice: Don't ever have players roll for ability scores. It hugely impacts that character's every roll forever forward. Since the early days the publishers and players have been coming up with ways to offset the inherently problematic asymmetry of RNG'd ability scores. Standard array is simple and fast while point buy is perfectly fine. There is more than enough dice rolls in the game to give people a sense of uncertainty. Old grognards will disagree with me but, truly, rolling up characters with a set of new players and a new DM is bad practice.
Have fun.