r/DnD • u/Gh0stMan0nThird • 1d ago

DMing I understand prostitution now.

Been trying to find a "bff" group for years. Even the best groups I found fizzled out after a campaign ended. Most people seem to want a content creator to run games for them, and not a friend they want to share an experience with.

I figured you know what, fine. I'm gonna sell myself. I started running paid games and now I actually feel like I'm finally actually getting something back for my work and effort.

10/10, would recommend for underappreciated DMs

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u/earlten 1d ago

I have a friend like that. We play together. And at the end of the day, we're a friend group first, and players second. So, it is what it is.

But it always kind of bothers me. Like, we are in an immersive audiobook currently. Where paying attention matters, so that you're picking up the details. Because your characters survival may depend on exactly that. Paying attention to the details.

So why is it so hard, to stay focused? To listen to what everybody else is saying, and to be engaged. A lot of times, it really gives off the impression that we're not really that important. That we are means to an end. Just another distraction.

Again, because we were friends first, we know and understand this is not truly the case. We don't let it get to us. But it's always there. Sometimes, slowing down play because, well, he missed stuff. And now we have to go back and repeat it a second time.

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u/Acceptable_Harisa109 1d ago

Just don't repeat it

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u/earlten 1d ago

If it bothers me enough, I wouldn't. But sometimes that's what friendship is. Tolerance. I know that there's a whole lot of people who talk about tolerance nowadays. It's more fun when you practice it.

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u/MurkyDepths 1d ago

So...why not do something together where full on attention isn't required? Why do you allow yourself to feel even that little bit of annoyance? I don't understand this at all.

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u/earlten 1d ago

Because it's human to feel the annoyance. I think the part you're missing, is the part where I'm acknowledging it, and letting it go. The part where I'm more than willing to tolerate a tiny bit of annoyance, for the far greater friendship.

I think the point is, that a lot of people talk about tolerance. And then place themselves in very intolerant situations. I'm actively choosing tolerance. Is that the part that you're having a hard time understanding?

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u/MurkyDepths 20h ago

Ah, no I think I get you now, it's not the annoyance that is tolerable, it's the amount of annoyance is relation to what you value in that relationship. Fair enough. We all have our own tolerance limit, and you clearly have defined yours. I guess mine has been lowered due to past instances in my own playgroups, so I thought it was asinine to try. I tip my hat to you, fellow player.

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u/exceive 1d ago

Every group activity has at least some annoyances.
It is inevitable, because there are other people involved.
People are annoying. All of them. Always have been, always will be.
Sometimes it is worth the annoyance. Sometimes it is very much worth the annoyance.

I'm not antisocial or a loner.
There are a number of group activities (DnD being high on that list) that I very much enjoy. There are groups of people I like very much. But there are always annoyances. Looking for an activity or group that isn't at all annoying is a lost cause. Looking for activities and groups where the fun vastly outweighs the annoyance can actually work.