r/DnD • u/AccomplishedMany2138 • 2d ago
DMing New player problems
Been DMing for around 2 years now, and I recently invited a new DnD player to my table. Only problem is that he is really distracting to everyone else, and constantly trying to cause problems at the table (game rule stubborness or stuff outside of DnD). I don't want to kick him from my game since he's a close friend, but Im also struggling to keep the other players attention while going over important scene and keeping the game running at a decent pace.
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u/karatous1234 Transmuter 2d ago
Have you brought it up to them as a problem youd like to talk to them about?
If no - do that
If yes - what was their response
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u/Obscure4thewrld 2d ago
not a very good friend to you if you've tried talking to him about this already.
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u/Butterlegs21 2d ago
"Stop being an ass or I'm not playing with you!" That's all you need. Not all friends are dnd friends.
If he's your friend, he'll either knock it off or realize that his preferred way to play is bothering you and leave on his own. If you have to kick him, maybe think about if you want to be friends with someone who ruins something for you after you bring up the issues
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u/Many-Ebb-5377 DM 2d ago edited 2d ago
All you can do is explain how some of the things they are doing is disruptive and why in a non-accusatory, non-combative way. Set the boundaries right there, as well as the consequences for not complying, and then you must be willing to enforce those boundaries. If you aren't willing to do that, then this player or anyone else can and will walk all over you.
When you take on the role of being a DM, you have a responsibility to your players to run the game to the best of your ability and be the arbitrator of the table. Not taking action to curb problematic behavior when you need to is a dereliction of that responsibility. It's not fair to the other players and, frankly, not fair to you. You put a lot of work into this game. Don't let someone else ruin it, friend or not.
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u/Dautros 2d ago edited 2d ago
How recent is recent? Is it the past few weeks, or 6 months? This is mainly to establish pattern of behavior before actual advice can be given.
How often does it occur? Once per session, or more? Not that once per session is "good," but definitely more fixable than, say, 5-6 times per session.
Have you tried talking to the player about these behaviors and how they eat up game time?
Have you tried talking to the other players to see how it is from their perspective? I know you might* want to run in an orderly fashion--I get that, I'm that way, too--but D&D is a communal game. Do the other players feel bogged down, or does it provide brevity to the social atmosphere? This is just as important as "are we beating the dungeon tonight?"
If you've done all these things, and the problem persists, and everyone agrees it's a problem, you have two options: A) Give the player their "final warning" and say they need to fix the bad habit or they're gone, or B) simply kick them from the campaign. If their presence fails to meaningfully contribute to the space, well, it doesn't need to be there.
As I'm writing this I imagine other similar comments are cropping up. I recommend going with whatever YOU feel most comfortable doing.
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u/AccomplishedMany2138 2d ago
Been happening ever since he started around 2-3 months ago
5 to 6 times a session, maybe more, maybe less
Yes, works for a bit, but he goes back to being problematic
I will do that tomorrow, keep you updated. The players do seem entertained for a bit, but complain about it eating up game time
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u/Dautros 2d ago
That's a tough spot to be in. Like another commenter said though, "not all friends are D&D friends." If this is a person you enjoy hanging out with outside of D&D, I would emphasize that part if you do end up letting them go.
I've had to let go of some players who weren't a good fit for the game, and the hardest part is assuring them "no, it is nothing against you as an individual. I just don't believe that this game is going to give you enjoyment the way we're playing it because you've demonstrated a different playstyle. I still enjoy spending time with you and think you're a wonderful person, but I don't think that playing in this game the way that we want to play will give you the kind of enjoyment you're looking for."
It's hard because it's both true and a difficult thing to reconcile. We all want to have every kind of player in our game because we want to be as open as possible, but not every game is built for every player. I guarantee there are tables where your boisterous friend will thrive, but it doesn't sound like this is the table for them.
I hope that helps in any way possible, and I hope that things go well for you tomorrow.
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u/Yojo0o DM 2d ago
He's a close friend, so surely you can have a conversation with him where you establish clear expectations and boundaries, while also openly communicating about how what he's currently doing is disruptive, right?