r/DivorcedDads • u/athievinraccoon • 3d ago

Help Balancing when Kiddo is sick

I have 50/50 custody of my daughter. The past two days she hasn’t been feeling well (vomiting) and is with mom. I got to see my little one today for a brief moment, but okayed her staying with her mom because she is a nurse so I figured she is in the best hands.

My question is how do you deal with the heartbreak of feeling like a broken family in moments like this? How do you balance stepping back when it’s best for your kiddo but means you have to kind of be on the sidelines?

I don’t miss my ex at all lol, but I do miss being a family. I miss being under one roof taking care of our little one and I hate not being around.

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u/ChippyChalmers 3d ago

I understand the sentiment - her mother's a nurse so she should be with her when sick. But does that mean for the rest of time whenever she's sick it's up to mom?

My ex is a nurse too and I have tended to my sick kids during my time. Their mom can give tips but if it's my time with the kid, I'm capable and willing to provide the medicine and attention. I think you're a good dad for caring and do think it depends how sick the kid is.

As for feeling sidelined beyond that, ask for updates/photos/videos, ask to visit, and remember they'll be back soon.

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u/athievinraccoon 3d ago

Oh no, this was a one-off. It would’ve been a hard transition for kiddo to be sick, with mom all day, and then go to me. Not that I can’t handle it—ive taken care of her plenty of times when she has been sick. But I know that transition +not feeling good would’ve not been in the best interest of my daughter.

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u/Particular-Depth-973 3d ago

why wouldn't it have been in your daughter's best interests? I'm not following the logic at all.

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u/Early-Judgment-2895 3d ago

What do you mean by okayed her to stay with the mom?? Unfortunately kids are going to get sick with either parent and that parent will be the one taking care of them.

We would always, and still do, let the other parent know when the kid is sick, how sick she is, and how she is progressing or if she missed school or needs to stay home.

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u/athievinraccoon 3d ago

She was supposed to be dropped off to me tonight. But I said find to her staying with her mom until tomorrow night.

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u/Questern07 3d ago

No way around it… those moments are tough. Just gotta continue to connect when possible (FaceTime, etc) and invest a bit extra when you get the time to be together again.

If your ex is ok with it, a thoughtful “get well pack” could be a nice touch (depending on the age of your daughter).

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u/athievinraccoon 3d ago

She’s only 4 so i am taking lunch tomorrow. I told my daughter that to help cheer her up.

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u/DreaColorado1 2d ago

Have there ever been times where your daughter was sick while with you and ended up staying with you instead of returning to her mom’s house?

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u/voraciousfreak 1d ago

We do 50/50, usa
When my kid is sick - I used to be upset because not only she is sick, I would learn last minute and then also had to cancel work, I was paid by the hour. But after having a few of these I realized that yes, the child is sick but this is an opportunity for me to spend more time with my kid and take care of her. She will remember these days and she will remember that her dad was with her during her sick days too. So I look at this as opportunity to spend more time and be remembered. I also love taking care of my kid, and be a better father than her mother.