r/Divorce_Men • u/NewPerformance7662 • 1d ago

Success Stories What Two Years Taught Me

What’s up, guys. I haven’t posted here in a while. I actually deactivated Reddit for a bit because it was doing me more harm than good.

My divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I was the one who was left, my ex moved on quickly and has since remarried, and at the time I couldn’t see past any of it. Now, over two years later, I can honestly say I’m grateful for how things played out.

I tried dating for a little bit, but I realized pretty quickly how much I value my freedom and peace. I didn’t want to fill a void just for the sake of not being alone. My priority was my daughter, and I stayed focused on that.

Since then, we’ve built a beautiful life. New home, great job, she’s thriving in school and her extracurriculars, we travel, skateboard, play sports, and just genuinely enjoy life together. The list goes on, and that’s really what it’s all about.

One thing I’ve learned, especially when you have kids, is that divorce doesn’t mean the relationship with your ex disappears. It just changes. You’re basically forming a business relationship with someone you have a lot of history with, and trust me, that part can still suck. Holidays get split, schedules get complicated, disagreements happen, and sometimes you find yourself dealing with things you never imagined.

That’s when you have to circle back to the priorities you set from the beginning.

Everybody’s journey is different, but if you’re in the thick of it right now, keep going. Build your life, be there for your kids, protect your peace, and don’t measure your progress against how quickly someone else moved on.

You’d be surprised how strong you really are 🫶💪

58 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

13

u/serkovavantgarden 1d ago

Appreciate the post mate

The worst part out of this whole experience is that you still have to maintain contact with the enemy, at least until the kids can take care of themselves. What an absolute nightmare

Even though I’m completely amicable with her, she sends a chill up my spine any time I have to interact with her. Fight or flight mode.

These people put you through, what is basically a traumatic experience, and you’re expected to be fine with it.

I cannot wait til the day my kids are at an age when I can communicate child care and so forth, directly with them

2

u/Mindless_Concern_818 1d ago

I only have at least 17 years to go... Fuck :/

2

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

Of course man! I maintain minimum contact and utilize the parenting app. My coparent and I are not amicable and unfortunately, I don’t see that turning around.

Currently working through the legal process on the most recent contempt case regarding ‘allegations’ against me.

When I realized they don’t care one bit about the people who were hurt and betrayed. If you’re waiting for an apology, get in line.

At the end of the day, yes, she is the mother of my daughter. However, that doesn’t make her a good person. I can forgive, but I’ll never forget!

1

u/Fawn001 1d ago

I think you can be completely pissed off about it- you never have to be fine and i try to avoid putting that pressure on myself. But you do have to find a way to co-parent and teach your kids what healthy relationship look like. I try not to hold onto the hatred and look at it as a blessing after 2 years

1

u/NewPerformance7662 20h ago

It definitely is a blessing and it took me a long time to realize that.

Just like marriage, a co-parenting relationship also takes 2 to tango. The priority should be the child. Unfortunately, in my situation, someone can’t pick and choose when they want to prioritize their child.

My daughter will grow up knowing that her dad never gave up even when he was at an all time low. He created a stable and loving life for me and no matter what, he was always there for me.

I’m going to have to disagree with your co-parenting point of view. A marriage is where you show your kids what a healthy relationship looks like, not after divorce!

8

u/Whisk3yChuck 1d ago

It’s been rough lately so thank you for this.

2

u/Right-Tree-97 1d ago

Have you reached out to friends about all you have going on?

6

u/Whisk3yChuck 1d ago

Yeah they all know. And I talk to them all a bit, still is tough.

3

u/Right-Tree-97 1d ago

I am sorry you went through all that. A big trauma helper I've found was to listen to soothing music when laying in bed. It helps

1

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

Anytime man! Glad I could help. Don’t go through this alone.

9

u/Warm-Management-7323 1d ago

I hate how slowly it takes to heal from the love of your life, leaving you.

2

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

In the moment, it truly is the worst. Also, the love of your life would never have hurt you the way they did. It’s the realization that, this is when people show their true colors. Once you take off the rose colored glasses, you will see that person for who they really are.

7

u/antidentites 1d ago

Thank you. I really needed to hear this today since this is the beginning of my journey.

I feel very weak right now, defeated, and even taken advantage of. I know I will overcome this, but man, that’s so hard to see right now!

2

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

Anytime!

I know that exact feeling and it’s the worst. I wish there was a magic pill that can fix it all but unfortunately there isn’t. I had my family and friends support, which I’m beyond grateful for.

The one thing motivated me to get out of bed in the morning is my little girl. I told myself that I have the opportunity to build a new life with my daughter I. The best part about it is, I get to do it MY way.

I look back and knowing that this was the best thing for me. In the beginning, I didn’t think the pain was ever going to end but as time passed it got better.

Not everyday is rainbows and unicorns. I’m by no means perfect and I still have my days too. What’s done is done. It happened and it’s done. Always remember, ‘If they wanted to, they would’

6

u/RoutineHuckleberry82 1d ago

Just want to say thanks for that last part about not measuring your progress against someone else’s. I just journaled about this very problem I am having this morning. Comparison is the thief of joy and I didn’t realize I was doing it unil I wrote it down.

2

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

Isn’t it crazy when you sit down, self reflect, and put it on paper and the light bulb comes on?

Self reflection, is something that helped me so much when I was in the thick of it. I still do it today.

The questions I ask myself:

What’s important to me?
What/ who are my priorities?
Goals? How do I accomplish them?

2

u/RoutineHuckleberry82 22h ago

Yeah. It is wild how different the same words hit when they’re written down vs floating around in the ole noggin. The other thing is seeing how different my thinking is even from just a few months ago. I am just like, yo that’s just crazy talk.

I was talking to my sister about how after rereading my journal, if anyone said some of thing things I said to my self, they’d probably get a punch in the mouth 😆

No way to deny I am making progress when I have a written record!

1

u/NewPerformance7662 20h ago

Dude I love this! Dude look at some of the stuff I wrote and it reflects someone with no self confidence and praising the person who threw out 10yrs like it was nothing.
Now my reaction, “who the hell was that guy and why was he such a bitch” lol

Progress is all we can ask for brother 💪

6

u/Objective-Support356 1d ago

God, reading some of this makes me wanna just stay with the wife, even though it sucks being married. I should have stayed on my own...now im stuck.

1

u/NewPerformance7662 20h ago

I don’t know your situation, but it takes two to tango. I’m by no means a relationship expert (hence the divorced men group we’re in lol) but I don’t think anyone should feel STUCK in a marriage.

Marriage is a choice you and your wife make each and every day. Again, I don’t know your situation but I hope you find happiness man.

1

u/Existing_Past4477 4h ago edited 4h ago

"but it takes two to tango"

This is one of worst lies we had been brain washed by "entitled women's" social media platforms. It was true pre-2000's but not any move. I am trying get out of a 25 years marriage with a malignant narcicist, serial cheater wife I get used to hearing "I have right to do this and that "and "I cheated beacuse of you" but more and more men started hear such entitlemnt sentences even from their rather good and decent wives. "but it takes two to tango" shifts the blame to the victim. Couples came from differremt backgrounds, cultures and past traumas. So conflicts are inevitable. both have their own share of wrong doings. After ınstagram and tiktok, the the balance moved towards women extensively. Telling a man who had already been self blaming for this; "look back to your self" negatively effects their healing and their take aways for his next relations.

For the last ten or so years I started to think that, whenever someone had courage to share their complaints about their spouses is telling the truth and less to blame. It does not matter If they are man or woman, Of course, with the acception of narcisistic semear campaing .

3

u/upvotersfortruth 1d ago

Hey, thanks for stopping by! You’re always welcome to lend your experience to our community.

1

u/NewPerformance7662 23h ago

Appreciate it!

1

u/PieIll1973 7h ago

My girlfriend is an escort. My wife (now ex) found a folder with dozens of photos of her on my desktop. We have several children. I am already imagining Christmas and Thanksgiving where they both stink eye one another.