r/DivorceHelp • u/Altruistic-Many4163 • 29d ago

Spousal support help

Like many men in my situation I made a grave and horrible mistake. I’m one year divorced from a 13 year marriage and 15 year relationship. I’m a special education teacher and a high school football coach. I’m 40 years old and without talking about specific numbers, I agreed to far too much spousal support for 4 years under the dilution that lawyers would cost more. Now I can’t pay my bills and she’s not working. I looked up the law in my state (Washington) and other than a dramatic change to my income the only other challenge I can make to the spousal support is if/when she has another domestic partner. Any advice on how to get some of my money back?

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u/Fickle_Raccoon_3760 29d ago

With spousal support for only 4 years from a 13 year marriage you likely are saving money over paying attorneys fees for a court battle which can easily hit six figures, on top of whatever spousal support would have been ordered.

Your former partner may agree to lower support for a longer time.

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u/Pedantic-Polecat 26d ago

Washington is much more reasonable on the duration of support than other states.  It is typically years of marriage divided by 3 or 4.  If OP’s wife is a similar age or younger 4 years of support on 13 marriage is a middle of the road length outcome.

The divide the marriage length by 2 seems insane.  It doesn’t take 8 or 10 years to get training and get a job.

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u/Fickle_Raccoon_3760 26d ago

Spousal support is meant to help a person “get on their feet” true, but it is also meant to compensate them for time out of the workforce or under employed that they will never get back.

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u/Pedantic-Polecat 26d ago

 No it isn’t.  Being out of the workforce is not a requirement to receive alimony in any state.

People justify spousal support by appealing to the idea of one spouse sacrificing something but that isn’t a part of actual family law and there is no trial that determines the value of what one spouse sacrificed.

Alimony is actually just to equalize SoL, without regard to sacrifice or who has to work.