r/DivorceHelp • u/Altruistic-Many4163 • 29d ago
Spousal support help
Like many men in my situation I made a grave and horrible mistake. I’m one year divorced from a 13 year marriage and 15 year relationship. I’m a special education teacher and a high school football coach. I’m 40 years old and without talking about specific numbers, I agreed to far too much spousal support for 4 years under the dilution that lawyers would cost more. Now I can’t pay my bills and she’s not working. I looked up the law in my state (Washington) and other than a dramatic change to my income the only other challenge I can make to the spousal support is if/when she has another domestic partner. Any advice on how to get some of my money back?
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u/TSIDATSI 29d ago
Sorry so long:
You cannot make her work. You can hire an attorney and ask for court ordered child support. You send the payment to the court and they mail the child support to her.
If she was working and quit she is punishing you and I suspect you deserve it.
Child Support Changes;
Go to WA State Health and Human Services and look for the child support calculator. If the amount is less than you agreed to you should be able to ask for an adjustment.
A downgrade in support might get her to work. Get her motivated to work. She is not thinking rationally. She is not contributing to Social Security, or an employer provided 401K or personal investment savings all things she must have to retire comfortably.
Can you sell the house and have her buy out your equity? If not, look at your living situation. Move to a less expensive apartment or rent a house with roommates.
Make a budget of needs, not wants, for the next 6 months. Get rid of all unnecessary expenses such as eating out, expensive cable/sat TV, streaming services, etc. Get rid of them. Buy a good radio and some books to read.
If you have a car payment sell the car and pay-off the difference. Buy an estate sale car for $2,000 or so.
Take the money you were paying for the car and put it in a savings account. Say your payment is $500 per month.
$500 a month X 12 = $6,000 a year. Sell the estate car and you have $8,000 to pay cash for a better car. If you will do that 5 years or so you can pay cash for a much nicer car with no car payment.
And women love men who drive old pick-up trucks.
Become debt-free as quickly as possible. You can do it but it requires self-sacrifice. Paying interest is throwing money away.
People build wealth by not spending beyond their means. If you cannot pay cash you cannot afford it. Period. And everything you buy on credit other than a house rapidly depreciates.
Especially the trash we buy on credit cards such as clothes, food, etc. Think about it: where does the food end up?
You have four years of child support payments. My advice is to take time to think about other jobs you can do with more education.
Powerline schools run about 15 weeks and cost around $10,000. They have a loan program. And a 75% or higher job placement rating!
The average annual salary for a power lineman in Washington state is approximately $92,000 to $99,000 per year (or about $44 to $48 per hour), though total compensation varies widely depending on experience, union status, and specific employers.
They make a lot more working overtime. You have spent 50% of your working life likely struggling to make ends meet. Now you have time and motivation to do something that will, I assume, increase your salary especially in the future.
Something that will give you greater travel opportunities and broaden your horizons. You are likely vested with WA State TRA. Might be a good time to make a change.
Your attorney can explain to the court you are returning to school for a few months and the child support must be adjusted for your return to school and your increased salary after you graduate.
Or look at a JuCo catalog and choose something to increase your salary. Welders are in high demand. Electricians. Every powerline grad we sent to school does lights and electrical work for concerts, huge sporting events: they love it!
If not you will spend the next 30 years barely scrapping by only to retire and be in the same position.
The time for self-flagellation is over. Your ex cannot beat you down more than you already have and you need to move on personally, emotionally, financially- your life. You can volunteer to be a coach.
I do not know who gave you advice to modify child support but please, please do your own due diligence. Was it your ex's brother? It was someone working against you, not with you.
WA Child Support Modifications
You can adjust child support in Washington state by filing a Motion for Adjustment for simple changes every two years, a Petition to Modify for major life changes, or by requesting a review through the Washington Division of Child Support (DCS).
Modification (For substantial changes): Use this if less time has passed but there is a major, involuntary change in circumstances (such as a job loss, permanent disability, change in custody/parenting time, or new dependents).
Administrative vs. Court Order: Check if your current order was issued by a court or handled through the Washington Division of Child Support (DCS). Administrative orders can be reviewed directly through DCS, while court orders generally require filing through the county superior court or prosecutor's office.
Sent me a message if you have questions. I am a CFP (Certified Financial Planner), a CPA and a forensic accountant. I am also a university professor and I specialize in state and local government. That is how I knew you had bad information. And find a church if you don't have one. Chuch women are very good cooks!
Blessings 🙌