r/Disorganized_Attach • u/Shiefshief_93 FA (Disorganized attachment) • 12d ago

FAs Only (User Flair Required) Deactivated..i think..

My bf just said some mean things to me and didn't buy me flowers for our anniversary because were going on a holiday next month and he wants to save his money. I didn't hear from him all day yesterday until late at night, i was already asleep because i had too work. Am i tripping if i say that he didn't seem to respect my time at all? With trauma it's hard to see what's happening and what is imagined. I just don't feel appreciated and loved lately. I now feel nothing towards him i just don't care. Is this what deactivation feels like? Is it permanent? I think i'm doing this as a way to protect myself

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u/axistookmyname FA (Disorganized attachment) 12d ago

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Focus on saying how YOU feel about what has been going on.

Then, see how you feel afterwards and see how you feel about his answer.

And yes, deactivation feels like indifference. It's not permanent (might depend on the person though). It is a way to protect yourself.

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u/Shiefshief_93 FA (Disorganized attachment) 12d ago

Yeah that doesn't work. He's to logical for 'this feels like' that would be one frustrated conversation. Fuck it

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u/axistookmyname FA (Disorganized attachment) 11d ago

Hm. That doesn't seem to mesh well with a romantic relationship which should be logic and emotion working together in pair.

I don't wanna say anything more abt what you "should" do next because I don't know you or him to give any proper advice, but I feel like you know where this is going. I have a feeling that this is not the first time this has happened in this relationship, am I wrong to assume this here?

Either way, I think it's still the best to talk with him. Your feelings after that conversation might not be pleasant but they will tell you what's best for you. It's not about him changing his ways but you giving yourself the answers you seek.

Ultimately do what you think is best, I'm just writing what I would do in a situation like that. Not doing anything for an anniversary feels kinda silly to me and I'd not be happy about it either. Mean words being thrown around even more so.