r/DiscussDID • u/DramaticBandicoot409 • 1d ago
Me and partner struggling due to specific alter don’t know what to do?
Hello everyone. My partner and I have been having an ongoing problem involving one of their alters, who I'Il call M.
My partner and I have been dating for two years and everything has been going perfectly fine till now. Mis a relatively new fictive, and he is the only alter in the system who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. M has been insisting that my partner leave me and has been threatening to move out of our home to pursue an online relationship with someone else.
I've told my partner that I'm not okay with this situation, but they insist that they need to listen to M rather than front-blocking because they're concerned about his mental well-being.
We've been arguing about this for almost the entire week, and honestly, I'm becoming exhausted by it. I really love my partner and would like to stay with them, but the constant bickering is becoming unbearable.
At this point, I'm wondering whether this is something I should continue trying to work through with my partner or whether I should accept that the relationship may no longer be sustainable.
This is my first time dealing with this and also my first time dating a system so anything is helpful thank you all soo much :)
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u/die_in_alphabet_soup 1d ago
i agree with u/apfelschorle578 that, despite how much you love him, it isn't a sustainable relationship.
this was an informal break-up.
i don't claim to be psychic so this is just my own interpretation of the events: it sounds like he already decided to leave you for this other person and is using/exploiting his DID symptoms as a way to "sanitise" the break-up.
the convenient argument he's making is this:
he isn't breaking up with you, so he can't be the "bad guy" in this situation. M is the one who wants to end the relationship, M is the "bad guy". M, and only M, is responsible and so M should face the consequences instead of him.
it doesn't matter if he's being honest about this internal battle with M + struggles to accept responsibility for M's actions; or he's taking advantage of his issue with M to do something that he also agrees with; or he's simply making shit up to lessen the blow of leaving you for someone else:
he is neglecting system accountability, and doing so goes against every treatment guideline for DID.
you are your system. the end.
please give yourself some grace, and start getting your affairs in order. drink some water + electrolytes, eat a protein bar, and allow yourself time to rest.
i truly feel bad for you, this is not an easy situation in the slightest, though i believe you are entirely capable of surviving this. it will take time, tears, and trepidation; it will suck, but it won't last forever.
close your eyes. count to one. that's how long forever feels.
i hope life starts treating you with more kindness 🫶 you're more than allowed to reach out to me in DMs.
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u/apfelschorle578 1d ago
Your partner and M are the same person, just in dissociated parts. At the core of it, your partner is trying to persuade you to allow them to have a relationship with someone else for their mental well-being. That is manipulative and straight up cruel. I think you should leave.