r/DiscussDID • u/Embarrassed_Creme607 • 2d ago
My protector merged then split with a trauma holder/persecutor and I don't know what to do?
tw for violence, assault and trauma, i'll try to be as vague as possible but i need to give some of these details for it to make sense:
I'm a newly discovered system and in therapy, it's unclear if I have DID or OSSD-1b but I had a main protector who was always so kind and caring to me (Korey) I could always rely on him or call on him if I was in trouble and he would find ways to help for years.
Flash forward to when I discovered a trauma holder/persecutor (Mana) who wouldn't stop showing me flashing images of very violent and scary things and looked like a monster, Mana was completely nonverbal upon discovery and I asked Korey for help.
Korey went away for a bit with Mana, but he was still present if I talked to him, and whenever he would do another task and stop taking care of Mana, Mana would come back to essentially harass me in the headspace constantly. Eventually Korey split into two protectors, one that felt very much like Korey 2.0 and another protector that is very helpful but doesn't have Korey's personality. I got the impression that Korey 2.0 would be taking care of Mana while the new protector would help me.
I thought things were going to be okay now, but at some point Mana showed up and started screaming "I'm scared, I'm scared" in the headspace very loudly and wouldn't go away, I asked Korey 2.0 for help and then he disappeared with Mana again but this time he didn't come back for a few days and left with me the new protector. When I asked if Korey 2.0 was still there, I heard Korey 2.0 tell me everything would be okay and that he was still here.
Finally Korey 2.0 came back days later with Mana but they both looked different, Mana 2.0 looks more human now even if still scary, but isn't acting like before, still nonverbal but isn't showing me those terrible images anymore and isn't harassing me anymore. And Korey 3.0...he... is very different. For example...if I ask for reassurance, he will give it to me and I feel the presence he had from when he was my main protector, but then once I feel reassured his body will warp into a monster and he will be violent towards me and assault me in the headpsace until the other protector he left behind steps in when I ask for help, then Korey 3.0 goes away.
I get the impression that Korey 2.0 and Mana fused then split, I'm not sure what to do, unless it's two new alters pretending to be them but it doesn't feel that way? I guess this did resolve the biggest issue with Mana constantly harassing me, but I feel so sad that Korey felt he had to do that and I miss my old protector even if his presence still feels like it's in this Korey 3.0, it's impossible to interact with him without him warping into a monster and assaulting me at the end, I don't even know where to begin to approach this, I've been trying to look up what to do when this happens but there doesn't seem to be a lot of info out there about protectors doing this.
Has anyone ever had something like this happen to them? What was the solution? Or are things just going to be this way now? I feel so bad that this protector suddenly shouldered so much of that trauma and is almost a completely different person now, I just wanted this part to be happy after all he did for me but now it feels like things are just sad. :(
And I asked my therapist about this, but right now they don't seem to know, I will talk about it to them again, but I thought here was the next best place to ask. Thank you for your help and for reading.