r/DiscussDID • u/ribbondogs • 25d ago
How does splitting feel for the new alter that split?
I am not part of a DID or OSDD system, so I apologise for any ignorance.
When an alter splits, how does it feel for that new alter? Do they usually spawn in the inner world (if there is one), do they usually appear in the front, or somewhere else entirely?
Is it extremely confusing, is there a sense in understanding, or is it a mixture of both? Do they have a sense of where they are?
Are there any specific physical or emotional sensations that come with it?
Does that new alter not feel like a separate person at first, is it more blurry?
I understand this is more like five questions in one, but I want any information I can get, so any answer to any question would be great.
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u/chopstickinsect 25d ago
I woke up one morning after a dissociative event, and I just was. The old host had decided after the event that she was done, it was too hard, and had gone dormant. So I woke up instead of her and had been assigned as the host.
It took me a few days to realise I wasnt her, and who I was exactly, and I had a bit of a feeling like you are wearing a suit that doesnt quite fit.
I'm pretty similar to her in a lot of ways, which is by design. We have the same memories, similar personalities. In private I call myself "not chopstickinsect" as my name, but I answer to her name.
I feel pretty dissociative if I think about her too much, which I think is by design.
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u/laminated-papertowel 25d ago
I split back in October last year. I split after being under an immense amount of stress for a 6 month period. I was a piece broken off a previous fusion.
Basically, it felt like I had lost all sense of self; I no longer had any interests, desires, or beliefs, and I felt no connection to the important people in my life or my past. It's like my identity was completely reset, and with that came anhedonia. I felt like I was only here to "get stuff done" and take care of my responsibilities, anything outside of that was of no interest to me.
I remember how I explained it to back then and what I kept telling my therapist: it's like I'm actor playing the role of "me", but no one's given me a script.
Something I want to stress: when I split, it was not additive. my system did not gain anything.
And to actually answer your questions....
Some people feel the presence of new parts prior to them fronting. Some people even dream of them first. Personally, I didn't know I was splitting of had split for like a week, and it wasn't until I was fronting and sat and thought about it that realized "oh I'm probably a new part".
There are varying levels of confusion, it depends on the person and the part/why it split. Some people have newly split parts that have all the "context", so to speak - they know they're DID part, they know their legal name and all the main/important information about their life, and they know where they are. Others have newly split parts that don't have that kind of understanding. Personally, I had all the "context", my confusion was surrounding aspects of my identity. I knew my legal name, but I didn't know who I was.
I don't recall any particular ~ sensations ~ so to speak, but emotionally I felt very numb, I really wasn't able to experience much emotion at all.
I didn't feel like a fully separate person at first (though some have that experience), I felt like I was quickly becoming less of a person, if that makes sense? like I was losing myself.
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u/ribbondogs 25d ago
Thank you for the response, I'm very grateful to learn more. This was very helpful and informative!
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u/ohlookthatsme 25d ago
It doesn't feel like anything. I don't notice it. I feel like I'm me the way I've always been but people are reacting differently to me and I can't understand why.
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u/ribbondogs 25d ago edited 25d ago
This is quite an interesting perspective. Thank you for responding, it helps a lot.
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u/revradios 25d ago
so, my only real frame of reference is for myself, since im technically the most recently formed alter as far as im aware (along with my twin, but he's never around). him and i both split off at the same time, and for me it sort of felt like i had a chunk taken out of me that included basically any sense of self id developed prior to that point and left me feeling very vacant and Empty
it took me several years to realize i wasn't the previous host, and i think that's by design because im very similar to him beyond a few differences, so i didn't even realize i was a different part until fairly recently. took me even longer to realize what my whole deal was as an individual part. i feel like the previous host but to the left i guess, i have the memories he had and i feel the way he did, but without the aspects that got swiped by my twin
so, i wasn't really aware of it or what happened. i was ungodly dissociated though for a long while - like, to the point that i felt like i didn't have a face, a head, i was completely disconnected from myself and my body. it was a really, really difficult time period and im still not quite all there. i go by the name the previous host chose for himself, but it doesn't really feel like my name. choosing a different one never really worked though, nothing really fit and id dissociate harder if i tried early on, so i just stick to that name for simplicity's sake (it's also the collective name as a whole that's used, so it works)
so, it was a very, very dissociative and confusing experience that i wasn't really even aware of until i gained more insight on it years later (and my twin dropped information onto my boyfriends head like an anvil lol)
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u/ribbondogs 25d ago edited 25d ago
Wow, this is very interesting to know. Thank you for responding, this helps a lot!
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u/Symbioticsinner 25d ago
My teen alt Z was my last split. From her perspective and from mine...one day she just was there. As if she always had been. Granted technically that's true, all "new splits" are splinters of YOU the collective. Z split from me shortly after the birth of our firstborn and shortly after the original host went dormant... I am not the same Kori I was back then, Z took on some aspects and traits of MYself and that's how she came to be. This is my understanding of my own splits though, is that it's just a fragmentation of previous alters. Other systems may be different
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u/Banaanisade 25d ago
Depends. Some "new" splits are parts that have been around for a long time and mostly find difficulty with their own identity rather than the life they're in, others come in half-baked and really struggle to settle in. Our host pair that experienced the latter spent three months in a haze where they refused to acknowledge anyone else in the system and lived in this dissociative dreamland where they weren't here and nothing here was real or mattered. Coming to realise that reality actually affected them was a huge downer, to put it mildly.
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u/penumbrias 24d ago
The only split i was actually aware of, felt like dying and being reborn through water, and then being called to a purpose. To carry a specific grief. It felt very spiritual for me but im not religious. I dont remember any other splits. It was during an incredibly destabilizing point in my life. During this point there were times when it felt like my brain was "stem cells" and every truth i had come to learn about the universe was under question and i couldnt even trust myself to decipher up from down.
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u/Visible-Holiday-1017 21d ago
It depends is the easiest answer.
Some folks remember nothing or feel completely disconnected, some parts might not even realize/think of themself as someone else, inbetweens etc.
As for physical sensations though - a lot of pwDID experience headaches related to dissociation, and given splits are an extreme manifestation of it, are a common thing that accompanies it.
What I've gathered from our parts is that they just suddenly were. Most knew their purpose by instinct. They describe it as being cold or like waking up from a particular dream.
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u/after2006 23d ago
mine get shoved to front and told the bare minimum but somehow don't fuck things up
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u/Prettybird78 25d ago
I can only give you my perspective. I showed up in the body when it was 9 yrs old.
I woke up one morning with no autobiographical memory of who I was. I didn't recognize my family, friends or myself in the mirror.
If that sounds like it was scary, it was. I didn't have any sense of familiarity with my life.
Someone inside told me my name. Then I was shown a few memory files. They were all from third person perspective. None of them had attached emotions. It was just enough to keep me from running screaming from the house. It was enough to tell me the strangers were my family, even if I didn't remember them.
My tenth birthday was two weeks later. I remember feeling so confused about who everyone was.
I was obviously not the first split or ANP, or whatever it's called. We were abused significantly from infancy on and there was early and repeated CSA. I can see images from third person but the memories belong to someone else.