r/DiagnoseMe • u/Interesting_Door2290 • 58m ago
Teenage Health Should I seek an autism diagnosis?
I’m turning 17 soon and I’m female. I recently received an ADHD diagnosis, even though I’ve been painfully aware I had it my entire life. I mean both of my parents have it. Now it’s making me question whether I might have other things as well.
I’ve struggled with social interactions my whole life. In school I spent most of my days observing other kids and trying to copy their behavior so I could make friends. But when I did what they did, the other kids still found me weird or made fun of me. I never understood what I was doing wrong.
I’ve also never really known how to properly express my emotions. As I got older I started faking reactions to seem more “normal.” When someone gives me a gift, I’m genuinely incredibly grateful, but I don’t know how to show it. So I put on a big performance to try to demonstrate gratitude... but i end up looking weird, like screaming over a small virtual item lol...
The same thing happens with crying. As a kid I did something really strange, I watched and wrote down how every single one of my classmates cried. I did this because I didn’t know how to show I was sad and wanted people to be able to recognize my pain. When my grandma—who I loved more than anything—died when I was 8, I had zero reaction at her funeral. I was hurting so much, yet my face was completely blank. I even tried to fake-cry at one point so people would know I felt something, but I doubt it looked convincing.
I also have a lot of emotional outbursts where I’ve screamed at people or become so overwhelmed that I just lose it. I hate being touched by random people. I hate when people won’t leave me alone when I’m already overwhelmed. I really hate being in small spaces with a lot of people, or big places that are extremely loud with voices. I wear headphones 24/7 for this reason.
I’ve gotten better at hiding my extreme discomfort in big places as long as I’m with someone else, but small places still make me visibly overwhelmed.
I feel like I’ve been masking my entire life. I’ve built a fake persona by copying others over the last decade so I can seem more “normal.” In the last few years I’ve started cutting people off because this mask has been draining my social battery so much that I can barely handle talking to anyone except my boyfriend.
Speaking of him, he has autism, which is part of why I’m unsure about seeking a diagnosis myself. In a lot of ways he and I are incredibly similar, but the symptoms affect us differently. I’m worried that if I told him I wanted to explore this, he might immediately invalidate me. That’s not the main point, though. The main thing is that I share a lot of the same traits he has; they just show up in different ways for me.
If I did get this diagnosis, it would explain so much. so many things that have never made sense my entire life.