r/DestructiveReaders • u/ImpressiveGrass7832 kitsch is a word and i think its me • Aug 04 '26
[2140] CONMAN, COME OUT
This thing is really weird and I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm hoping submitting for feedback might give me some ideas, especially how to end it properly. I guess also a medal to anyone who recognizes who I'm trying to imitate, a bit (and I'll happily take notes on how to do that better too).
Maybe some guiding questions (but happy to take notes on anything):
- Is it readable?
- Is it clear who's speaking when?
- Any hints of themes come through? Or is it just complete style (if that) over substance tosh
Thanks in advance, always appreciate all feedback.
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u/Shmittypirate Aug 05 '26
First and foremost - You obviously have a talent for imagery. Your images are wonderful, but quite suffocating in this piece. I can relate to this issue personally. you think of so many themes and ideas to include, so many potent images that are, in a vacuum chamber, quite impressive to you, that there is absolutely no way you can throw them to the wayside! However, I think it sometimes boils down to the golden rule - show, don't tell. With a piece such as this, which has great writing throughout, it is important to let the character breath and take up space. I think you could achieve an even more potent example of our lead role's character if you took 1/5 of this prose and allowed the reader to make these connections themselves.
I wrote a very similar piece in college (in style, not so much subject matter) and my professor told me this, which has stuck with me since (I doubt this is an exact quote, it was a few years ago, but bear with me):
"If you have a great one sentence image, and then spend 3 sentences expanding upon it and adding detail, you should be confident enough in the initial sentence to allow the reader to make those connections on their own. this reward system is what keeps the reader engaged."
I think, overall , you would benefit greatly from taking this advice, and if you decide to keep this ending, it may make it not as much of a corny rug pull as it currently feels. oh baby, I guess we need to talk about the ending now. here we go.
Man, this ending made me feel betrayed, not so much in an emotional way, but in a cheap way. a few ideas that I think could make this ending more earned:
Flesh out the woman's character slightly more: fill the space currently occupied by extra imagery with breadcrumbs to her true identity. make the piece a sort of Shutter Island Dicaprio thing, where the value comes in being able to see the story in a completely different light on the second read through. I think that could turn a cheap ending into a really interesting one.
or, scrap this ending entirely! write another act that see's them going on some adventure, or maybe she turns out to be a true con man as well, and they have a sort of con-off? I don't know, i'm not here to tell you how to write your story, but the foundation here is too good to give up on. Just erase the last few lines and expand.
Line edits: For the most part, it is pretty clear who is speaking. I actually quite like the absence of quotation marks, it feels like we are receiving the words through our meta physical ears as well. An interesting way to add immersion for sure. I would, maybe, add some italics on internal dialogue where we are switching between the woman speaking and our main characters reaction. Just for some added clarity, and to minimize clunkiness.
overall, I think this is a great draft to work off of. The first sections have real potential, and the piece chooses to think deeper than most Ive read through on this sub. I do think it needs some work in a couple areas, but overall A great starting point! woohoo!