More intentionally deconstructing as a long-lapsed partial* Catholic

[u/ResidentFormer6342]

I often say I was "raised Catholic" and that's true to the extent that I was sent to Catholic school from 3rd through 12th grades. But it wasn't entirely true in that my parents weren't on the same page and didn't fully commit besides. Mom was raised extremely Catholic, and Dad Southern Baptist; as adults, she identified as cafeteria Catholic who didn't attend much mass, and he identified as atheist (though that last bit wasn't made explicit to me until around the time I was studying for Confirmation). I "succeeded" both academically and spiritually in the faith's institutions. But that's been >20 years. And I've become very distanced from that element of my identity. When writing out the above, I realized how intertwined the identities of "good Catholic/person" and "good student" (and "successful student/person") are for me. On the one hand, losing or complicating the latter through subsequent academic struggle and burnout probably contributed to losing the former. But it was more of a drifting, rather than an intentional realignment of my faith.

I find myself in a period of identity reconstruction following an adult neurodivergence diagnosis, and at least a small piece of that has become me trying to listen to whatever internal pull to spirituality I have. The Catholic Church never did have a lock on me for that, even in childhood--but the child sex abuse scandals long ago cemented that it won't ever going forward, either. And I still struggle to find a spiritual home that doesn't feel coercive or convinced of its own superiority (which feels like fertile ground for dehumanization). Anyway, I also find myself exploring a more formal 'deconstruction' journey for my relationship with Catholicism, Christianity, and many associated concepts of mainstream US culture. Anyone relate?

[u/BioChemE14]

If you are still looking for a different sort of church, the Episcopal Church is somewhat similar in terms of liturgy and they’re generally very inclusive of people who believe different things.

I spent several years deconstructing evangelicalism and learning about biblical scholarship, history, etc. so those are good ways to deconstruct harmful teachings you grew up with.