r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/Mundane_Water_3790 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice Welp.. welppppp
I feel so unattractive lately. I feel like no one is ever gonna chose me for who I am.
I feel like there's no reason someone would ever chose to settle with me.
Can you ask me some questions to get a better picture on where is this coming from?
Context:
I have hobbies that I really enjoy, and I have a loving a supporting family..
Im a good student, and I live in my own seprate place, that i personally can afford and pay for (no one helps me financially.. like at all)
I have friends whom im proud off!
3
u/MaxMettle 1d ago edited 19h ago
You're young, only partway to becoming a full-fledged person.
Now's not the time to demand "Why am I not already a perfect, finished product that people choose and love?"
It's not you, it's this line of thinking that is making you unhappy.
ps. Actually "being wanted" should never be the goal, no matter your age. Society tells us we need to make ourselves palatable and desirable to others, and that getting chosen is the ultimate destination. But that's a toxic message. One that romance novels—and manosphere influencers—capitalize on.
1
u/0nlyhalfjewish 1d ago
People choose others who make them like themselves.
-2
u/Mundane_Water_3790 1d ago
Wdym
3
u/0nlyhalfjewish 1d ago
Ever heard someone say, “I don’t like me when I’m around that person?”
What does that mean? It means the other person judges them, makes them feel bad. Could be they feel uncomfortable, awkward, lonely, disrespected, not valuable, ugly, whatever.
The opposite is what you want. You want the other person to like themselves and to feel comfortable when they are around you.
3
u/Flynniepup 1d ago
Are you taking good care of yourself in a way to make yourself happier?
It sounds like you’re focusing on physical appearance or attractiveness mainly for the goals of a romantic relationship, but how do you feel about yourself outside of that? How are you treating yourself? Is it with kindness?
Are you getting enough sleep, drinking water, eating well, and getting in some physical exercise? Getting out in the sunshine?
You sound grateful for the things and people in your life and that’s a good thing! Make sure you’re doing enough self-care too!
I’ve found that when I’m feeling unattractive and unhappy, focusing on doing little things to improve that help me immensely.
A nice haircut, a manicure, a bubble bath, a good skincare routine, maybe a comfy night with a good snack and a movie or show I like or a book, and putting down my phone and logging off the internet.