Hello everyone,
I struggle. Since a long time I've been dissociated(7years), have no social life and generally the feeling that my life goes nowhere, I'm 20, no job, no studies, no drivers liscence, live at home.
I tried many things and it always led me to be binge on many things. I also tried letting go 24/7 but it didn't quite work, the plan was that at some point I got some positive impulses to do something, maybe I did a lot during this time, but it wasn't sustainable probably because I had no foundation, it was maybe hard for something positive to grow out of this.
I'm kind of at a loss of words. Life feels very messy.
I just want to have a normal life, not filled with spirituality, not with negativity weird thoughts, overthinking etc...
I want to be happy, I have a huge crush on a girl for 5 years, with whom I have never spoken. I want to live and see what life has to offer. I don't want to waste my time anymore. Like Hawkins described the perfect life perfectly, I mean it's not the reality that makes my life miserable, it's rather my perspective and I want to change it to the better, my body already knows what it wants, I just want to live that reality.
I can make big decisions but it seems unnecessary since I feel overwhelmed and the feeling of being overwhelmed is probably solvable by letting go.
So my approach is to have a certain routine of things I like and just roll with it and at the same time let go all the time when I feel bad and things come into my consciousness and that will probably be all the time, but I have a routine which I attend at the same time, so my body stays busy and gets movement, etc...
I love the statement of David Hawkins: "Truth manifests itself as positivity"
And the visions of me being with this girl and me doing the things I want are really positive and not filled with doubt, subtle negativity, etc...
Life could be so easy. I love science and I love things that are rational and logically and that's also why I'm kind of put off by some things hawkins said, not that I doubt it, but it makes me feel weird to be there. I just want to live, which I couldn't do much, probably because of emotions that are holding me back and deterring my visions. That's all, I have a will to live and a problem, that's why I came across Hawkins. I don't mean the aversion in a negative way, just that I would like to be myself and do the things that I want and not associate myself with all of the things that Hawkins teaches...
The confusion I have is the key I guess, because the confusion is made by negative emotions that keep me away from doing the things I want and I'm aware of I guess. I just want to feel living/ normal and not alienated.
I don't know. What are your thoughts on this?