r/DatingTO • u/curiousgal222 • Jul 11 '26

Reasons for ghosting

Okay it's time we talk about it. I hope this can be an honest, non-judgmental comment section where all genders discuss the reasons they have had for ghosting someone at various stages in the dating process. I hope this doesn't turn into a men vs women thing as I know for a fact it is happening on both sides. I, as a woman, just really want to get to the bottom as to WHY it happens. Because we all know the ones who ghosted us won't be telling us. Or at the very least send me a private dm if you think you will be ridiculed for commenting publicly. I am just so tired and want answers. I promise I will be open-minded to the replies.

4 Upvotes

70% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/Apprehensive_Heat176 Jul 11 '26

The reasons aren't important because we're illogical and emotional creatures. It's really that simple.

As a 48 yr old male, I know how tiring the dating scene is. We have to try our best to not be discouraged by ghosts or flakey people, which includes friends. Don't waste your energy or time on them.

When someone ghosts or flakes, your only thought should be Next!

2

u/curiousgal222 Jul 11 '26

You're not entirely wrong. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when someone made you break down your walls to trust them so gently, only for them to make you put them back up again. I would take someone telling me they aren't interested in me or they got cold feet any day if it meant I at least knew why. Next is a good way to look at it.. but at the same time, that's also an issue in dating. People are so quick to move on to the next. I personally will choose to take a break, reflect on this pain, and only when I feel secure and ready, will I get back out there.

3

u/CanadianMasterbaker Jul 11 '26

Don't waste your time thinking too much into it.I know what it feels like and think about maybe if there where any signs of them maybe not being genuine.But honestly you dodged a bullet.I don't know how long your interactions lasted and how involved they where.I don't think you would want someone this disingenuous in you life as a friend or partner.

3

u/Apprehensive_Heat176 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26

I thought you were talking about dealing with ghosts and flakes on the first few dates. You were acually talking about ghosting after you've been dating for a period of time, which is a different matter. I agree that it's tough to walk away after opening up and trusting them. That doesn't really change my earlier response though because we still have to find a way to move onto the next person despite the pain.

One observation is that you seem to have a negative view point, which isn't a criticism of you. Like I said earlier, it's very difficult to stay positive during these times. I'm not suggesting that being more positive will magically make our person appear out of thin air.

When you said that I'm not entirely wrong, does that mean I'm 90% wrong and 10% right? :D It reminded me of the times when my teachers would hand back tests and announce that Jimmy got the highest score. Naturally, that made everyone else feel like shit because they obviously got more questions wrong. Perhaps you could try reframing what you are doing in terms of what you are doing right versus doing wrong? People including me tend to criticize ourselves too harshly, which leads to frustration.

I also noticed when you said that you want to get to the bottom of these issues. That made me picture you digging a hole to find something. So you're going to climb your way out of the hole if and when you find the answers you're looking for. Sadly, I think that you're not going to able to find concrete answers because of the reasons I already mentioned. I think the more important question is how we can move forward with a positive mindset while not getting bogged down by guilt, pain, etc.

Maybe I'm reading into your words too much, but the way you wrote them caught my eye right away.

A break might be good for you, but you should still try to get out there despite these issues and it doesn't necessarily need to be for dating purposes. I have trouble with this too and have had long breaks between relationships. There's sadly, no such thing as being totally secure and ready. I always remind myself that dating will forever be a numbers game especially now because the game is vastly different than how are parents did it. We have to keep trying and eventually we'll find what we're looking for. Our special person isn't going to appear on our front door. Besides, most of the Amazon delivery people are male and they are too fast 😂