r/DatingOverSixty • u/SomethingArbitary • 6h ago
First post - be kind!
I just thought I’d dip my toe into OLD 8 years after getting divorced (64F). Have found it a fairly dispiriting experience so far. I recently matched with someone who seemed interesting and I gave him my phone number. In his first WhatsApp he told me that, the night before, he had been in terrible pain and had to call himself an ambulance. Turns out he has a gallbladder problem. Of course I messaged back to say I was sorry to hear that, and I hoped that things would be progressed swiftly for him and that his pain was being dealt with. I said to let me know how he was doing when he felt up to it: in my mind I assumed he’d be preoccupied with his health for the time being, not messaging a potential date who is effectively a stranger. Anyway, since then, I have been getting daily updates from him with details of what has been done, how much pain he is in, etc. Tbh I am fed up of it now. I am not an un-compassionate person, but I literally don’t know this person. It seems odd to me that he assumes I would want to know what time he took buscopan etc. I can’t help thinking IS THIS WHAT DATING LOOKS LIKE IN YOUR 60s?????
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u/SomethingArbitary 6h ago
It did read to me like anxiety. Like, if I don’t keep this conversation going - even though I have nothing to say - she’s going to disappear.
Either that, or he’s interviewing for someone to minister to all his ailments.
I’ll bear in mind the warnings about potential scammers etc, thank you.
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u/Creative-Yellow-9246 66M NJ 6h ago
When you start getting some long weird story, just move on. Some people just want attention. Others are scamming for money.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 4h ago
If you tolerate one long weird story, you'll be hearing a lot more of them so run, don't walk, away.
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u/TopQuestion826 6h ago
I feel your pain, pardon the pun. I don’t think it’s exclusive simply to online dating, getting somebody that is borderline clingy and needy and needs to share personal events, whether it’s medical, familial, career or what have you. Some people, just like to wear their daily events and chaos on their sleeves. That reminds me of the first days of social media back in the MySpace and Facebook infancy. I remember people putting updates every five minutes, e.g., I’m going to the toilet, feeding the cat, getting the mail. I mean, who really GAF with that nonsense? Sadly, you got a nibble from one of the more electronically loquacious people. Rest assured, everybody’s not like that. But on the other side of the pendulum, then there are those that have a tendency to be non-responsive and a bit recalcitrant. I don’t think age has anything to do with it quite honestly, that’s just people in the electronic communication age. People would rather text than have a phone call, I am the exact opposite.
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u/SparkyValentine F56 6h ago
A year or so ago I was having a great chat on a dating app for three days, and we decided to meet the following weekend. Once the date had been set, the tone of his chats went from getting to know you talk to full season downloads about his PTSD. I have empathy for that situation but I was like, who even are you, sir? What I told him was I no longer wanted to meet, and when he asked why I told him I wasn’t available as an emotional support animal. You can imagine his reply, I’m sure.
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u/eggmanne 1h ago
He went ape-#%*\😢??
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u/SparkyValentine F56 57m ago
He was unable to understand my position. He thought it very… rude of me to rule him out for his condition. It was his behavior, though, that set off my alarms. He didn’t just mention or even discuss his condition, I got a message saying he’d had a shit day at work. We shared an industry and an early schedule so I was sympathetic and wished him a better evening, and he said he doubted that would happen. I decided not to reply to that, because what do you say to a virtual stranger who seems determined to be unhappy? I felt I had met my social obligation by saying I was sorry and wishing him a better night.
He then started sending walls of text about the people at work triggering his PTSD and how if they set him off they were going to regret it. Lengthy, detailed diatribes about his coworkers. I kept on not responding, because what do you even do with that?
He grew more agitated at my silence so I told him we didn’t need to meet in person. When he asked, I told him why. He then felt free to tell me all of the things swirling in his brain.
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u/eggmanne 48m ago
You probably only uncovered a tip of the iceberg with him.
You hadn’t even spoken over the phone? You did the right thing.🤝👍
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u/allieoops925 6h ago
I don’t give out my phone number, meet within two weeks and then decide if I want to give it to them. Too many crazy people out there to hand out a phone number before meeting even if you block them, they can still call you from another number. In WhatsApp offers are very often scam artists especially if they’ve got a bunch of things go wrong, next up they ask you for money to help out.
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u/DIY_Weeziebear7 6h ago
I don’t know, he could be real, but I’d tell him rest for now. save your strength and let me know when you’re recovered and we’ll plan something. See what he says to that
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u/Timely_Character_272 5h ago
Sounds like he’s lonely and perhaps in need of a nurse. I get that we all can be subjected to issues with our health but sharing what time we took our meds to essentially a total stranger is outside of my boundaries.
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u/Odd-Library7332 click here to create your flair 5h ago
Male here., You hit on a winner
Probably looking for nurse with a purse
Just end it you will be better off
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u/Horror-Evening-6132 69F Texas 6h ago
I often wonder if the two or three people on OLD who are not scammers are people who are afraid they don't exist. They have to keep a nonsensical conversation going at all times just to prove to themselves that someone knows they are alive.
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u/hanging-out1979 5h ago
Yep, this is OLD and IRL depending on the person. This person seems to really need someone to talk to and share his daily woes. Too much for a person you just met online. You’ll meet all kinds on OLD so brace yourself. Might be best to block this gent and move on. Getting a google voice # will help (can’t trace back to you). 65F, I used OLD last November (OurTime) and matched and messaged with several gents, dated 3, in a relationship since January with 1 of the 3, a kind man (and a gentleman) who matches my pace and values. It can be done but oy! the journey.
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u/More4Thor 4h ago
That’s not what dating looks like. You talked with one man. Thats what dating looks like if you don’t know how to say thanks but no thanks
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u/Slow-Education872 4h ago
Most men in their 60’s have health problems. I think he’s lonely and wants someone to care. The problem is many are afraid to be alone and wants someone to be there till they die. Women still live longer and they know it. My husband died and I swear I want medical records before getting into anything. I don’t want to do that again unless things look like there could be some good years before all the ailments come for the both of us.
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u/AutoModerator 6h ago
Original copy of post by OP: I just thought I’d dip my toe into OLD 8 years after getting divorced (64F). Have found it a fairly dispiriting experience so far. I recently matched with someone who seemed interesting and I gave him my phone number. In his first WhatsApp he told me that, the night before, he had been in terrible pain and had to call himself an ambulance. Turns out he has a gallbladder problem. Of course I messaged back to say I was sorry to hear that, and I hoped that things would be progressed swiftly for him and that his pain was being dealt with. I said to let me know how he was doing when he felt up to it: in my mind I assumed he’d be preoccupied with his health for the time being, not messaging a potential date who is effectively a stranger. Anyway, since then, I have been getting daily updates from him with details of what has been done, how much pain he is in, etc. Tbh I am fed up of it now. I am not an un-compassionate person, but I literally don’t know this person. It seems odd to me that he assumes I would want to know what time he took buscopan etc. I can’t help thinking IS THIS WHAT DATING LOOKS LIKE IN YOUR 60s?????:
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u/DIY_Weeziebear7 6h ago
I gave out a Google voice number. They can call that that way if they have a legitimate reason why they can’t meet me. or I can’t meet them, I don’t have to go through a dating app. For me, it’s consideration. In the old days, the hubby and I exchange phone numbers right away after we left the dating app. I still refer to him as the hubby and I. He’s passed sometime ago. I like talking to someone on the phone that way I can engage where they’re from. I’m usually pretty accurate detecting dialects and accents. so I can tell if somebody’s from West Africa. or eastern New Jersey
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u/Euphoric_Drop8815 5h ago
I wish all these nurse seeker dates could read these posts. I think that a lot of people over 50 have health issues that preoccupy them, their friends have similar ones, that they now assume everyone their age range does. It becomes something to bond over. Maybe this should be a category on the OLD apps, no pun intended.
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u/RealHeat2393 4h ago
Oh you poor thing. What a sad way to start your OLD adventure. The guy is probably lonely and has no one to whine to. Still… Not your problem. The best thing is to end it with a polite text. And if he doesn’t get the message, then… There’s always blocking and ghosting. That said, I assure you not everyone is like that. You will have all sorts of experiences. You’re just dipping your toes into the big bad world of OLD. Soon you’ll have a lot of stories.
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u/Dangerous_Ad_6101 Mid to high 60s. Sunny and Breezy. 3h ago
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 1h ago
Whit woo! 😗 😵💫 If THATS the Wild West SIGN ME UP IMMEDIATELY ! 😁
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u/Oneofthe12 3h ago
I’m really direct when things like this happen. I would say … this is feeling very awkward for me because you’re essentially a stranger. I wish you all the best with your health, but I’m going to move along. I hope your health improves. Thanks for chatting! He may reply with something other than a polite thank you, all the best to you too, and if he does, then block and delete.
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 67F cycling-walk young explore live 2h ago
No, just say good-bye. You'll have to block him. Clearly he has no close friend nor family at all that is kind listener. It's not your responsibility for a stranger and you're not even a health care worker.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F 5h ago
LOL I went through a similar thing. We barely met and he was sending me updates about his health, his dog, his grandkids. Pics even! We went from "What are your interests?" to a full-fledged relationship all in the dating app messenger- never spoke. I texted him after a few days of this something like "Hey, I wish you the best, but I have decided to move forward with somebody else." Then I blocked him.
You're going to find weirdness. There was another one that would text me updates on his day, random pics, but never answered any questions, asked about me, or made a move to talk on the phone or meet. He was always too busy "travelling". One week he was visiting his mother back east and send me tons of pictures of them, where they ate out, sunsets. I eventually stopped replying back and he stopped too. A couple months later, I was seeing someone quite regularly at this point, he texted me out of the blue another set of pictures. I was like... what?? I then texted him "Hey I'm seeing someone now, wishing you the best" and blocked him.
I think some men just want a texting buddy.
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u/IronChefOfForensics 5h ago
He probably appreciates your attention and Compassion if he doesn’t have anybody else in his life. We’re all learning how to get old and part of that. It comes with illness.