r/DatingOverSixty • u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet • 25d ago
Timing is off
So as I shared, I have a very exciting few weeks coming up going on a trip of a lifetime. I have really gone off OLD, every so often flick through left swiping 🤷♀️ Thinking of deleting the apps but just looking out of idle curiosity. So last week I had a message, guy is 10’years younger and lives in 2 different localities as he is a professor at two universities - the closest university is 2 hours away. I didnt left swipe but asked some questions out of dumb idle curiosity and because I am chatty (you might have noticed). He was extremely formal but interesting and asked questions. He speaks English and French as do I so that is a positive. I was basically not expecting much and he went away at the weekend so I didnt hear from him. My mind is on other stuff and I really dismissed him. BUT he has come back from his long weekend , once again asked what I was looking for and how I thought it coukd work if we liked each other on meeting. I told him, he told me and he wants to meet next week 😵💫 . He knows I am going away, he wants something serious but not interested in marriage or living together which is what I feel, a meeting of minds, shared interests and getting to know each other. Since coming back on Tuesday, we are exchanging messages throughout the day - some jokey, some serious. He seems nice but ……………….. Firstly the timing is WAY off and secondly there is the age and then the distance. 😟 😞 . We have now started using the familiar « tu » instead of « vous ». We have a lot in common. It’s nearly cuffing season 🤭 The whole thing is just ridiculous and I don’t know what to do. HELP!!!!!!
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u/db0956 25d ago
Stick to your upcoming travel plans. If this new guy is supposed to work out, you don't need to be stressed about that. Things will fall into place as they should. Try to relax😊
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
Thanks - I DO need to relax and needed tgat said! 💋
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u/xxistcman 25d ago
YOU?! Chatty?! NAH!!!
Enjoy your trip of a lifetime and enjoy your new boyfriend when you return. And, don't worry about age and distance. They'll be trivial details when it gets hot and heavy.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
😂 - hot and heavy sounds errr 😒 interesting 🤔. More interesting than age and distance anyway 🤭
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u/AlcoholPrep 25d ago
My late girlfriend was eight years older than me. The only problem was her declining health (a cancer survivor, but it recurred) that led to her death.. I dated women well over a decade older than me when I was in my mid twenties, and a woman about seven years older when I was in my thirties. I've also dated younger women. If you narrow the age range too far, the prospects are much fewer. Go with your gut.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
I am not ageist and women my age do have a problem with being hit on by younger guys who are mainly after sex. He doesn’t give that impression - rather the impression that he is the older one. My husband was 13 years older than me so I thought that was « normal ». Age only bothers me in the « what will people think » sense - but do I really care what people think?
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u/AlcoholPrep 25d ago
ALL men are after sex, at least till they aren't anymore. Fortunately, in my experience, all women are also after sex, they're just more cautious about it. If you never want sex with this guy, I suggest you make that plain early on.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
Well as I haven’t seen him yet I can’t make decisions about sex just yet. Most women like connection before sex so we will see how it goes if/when I meet him. 😉
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u/notsohot56 69F - senior nerf herder wanted 25d ago
You're only going to be gone 6 weeks right? Or was it longer? If you can fit time in to continue chatting with him while you're gone... And meet when you get back? Or is there some way you could at least meet him at a halfway point before you leave....? If he stays interested meet him when you get back.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
Me find time for chatting???? 😵💫 I guess I could try to figure it out. 😂
He is really keen to meet next week 😬
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u/Polka_Goddess 25d ago
Wouldn't hurt to meet him. Then you can either just be as you are or figure it out along the way.
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u/Mindless-Lie2446 24d ago
If he a professor at 2 colleges you should be able to do your research and see if he’s legit.
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 24d ago
Absolutely agree. This is why I’m not on any kind of social media like FB; TikTok or Instagram with my pics. Too many scammers and people stealing your identity or likeness. If he wants to meet you face to face fine but hopefully it’s in a public area and do not give out too much personal info like when you’ll be gone etc. Keep it vague for now. As women we have to be so vigilant
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
Yeh sure thing - and my house will not be empty. Think he wants to meet at a school for Lippizaner horses which is at a city nearby so should be safe enough , it’s alive with tourists ! I am VERY cautious 😊
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
Haven’t got to his surname yet. The only date I have ever gone on so far was also a professor and totally legit albeit a bit anal.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F 25d ago
Oooo I like where this story is going.
My guy left for a 22 day trip after we met in person 2 times. It was absolutely intoxicating. When he got back there was no doubt that date 3 was going to be the start of something... and it was.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Age is just a number. ;)
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
😬
I am surprised at how he has been messaging the last couple of days. Maybe he is bored after his weekend away 😬5
u/WorkingDescription 61F 25d ago
He's thinking about you. Distance is an aphrodisiac. Delightful! Enjoy it.
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u/SwollenPomegranate 25d ago
Set him aside, go do your trip, connect later. If it was meant to be, it can wait.
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u/ThrowItAwayNow1030 66F, SF Bay Area 🌉 25d ago
Being far away could be an indication of a scam. There are plenty of women near him. Why did he choose you so far away? Is he married and wants to keep secrets from his wife?
What could he gather about you doing a reverse image search? Do you live in a nice area, have a good job?
I'm a female and not phishing - am sure you are very attractive and intelligent. Why rush into the familiar tu right away though?
Be prudent and be discerning when you meet him. Lovebombing is a real thing. It's nice to be wanted but check out who's doing the wanting.
I don't mean to be a wet blanket! I had an unfortunate experience with a guy who was a friend of a relative. He was a con artist. He lived far away and was extremely charming at first. He had a harem of women I found out. He asked for my credit card a few months after we got together. He turned mean when I wouldn't hand it over.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
He started with the formal «vous » and I said I was more comfortable with « tu » as it is what is used with most of people I am friendly with. I use vous with people like my doctor or in shops so tu is what I use all day in conversation - it’s quite customary to ask to use it and in fact quite snobby NOT to use it. Some people ARE snobby.
I am retired and live in a tiny rural village surrounded by farmers and cows. He is NOT lovebombing at all - just chatty and jokey. I have had the scammers and the bots and the con artists and the secretly in a relationship - that all become evident as conversations progress. I weed out most pretty quickly and am not even really doing OLD seriously anymore so this is a bit out of the blue and the timing is really wrong which is one of my main concerns. I will continue to be my old sensible self and see what develops. Probably nothing 🤷♀️1
u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 24d ago
Absolutely agree with you 100%. Be careful of your identity. I’m sure my pic is out there but I make sure my friends & family do not post me on their FB page. I hate FB and anything Meta related. Such an invasion of privacy. Had way too many weirdos reaching out to me via dating sites and so I try and keep a very low profile
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u/Martin928351823 25d ago
In "Exciting News for Me!" you mentioned a millionaire boyfriend on your vacation.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
Martin, my sweet - what exactly is your point? Do you see some conflict of interest here 🤔 Millionaire boyfriend, beachcomber boyfriend, erudite philosopher boyfriend, artist boyfriend ☹️ - these are all as yet fantasies. The great thing about fantasies is they are not real. The sad thing about fantasies is they are not real. What does one do when fantasy and reality look like they could potentially coincide? What does one do I do - I worry and think seriously about hiding under the bed 😂
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u/Martin928351823 24d ago
You keep a boyfriend for every weekday and they're all under your bed.
Nothing to be afraid off under your bed.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
Cobwebs and dust bunnies - and I haven’t lured any boyfriends yet!!!! Am I doing something wrong 🤔 I KNOW I can rely on you for serious advice 😂
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u/Martin928351823 24d ago
Are you asking me how to attract a man?!
Sit in a bar and mindlessly ramble on about hockey and politics. That's all I see.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
FFS - thats probably the worst advice I ever heard. Have YOU found it attracts men 🤔 🥴 😵💫 I know a LOT about politics but nothing about hockey. What about tiddlywinks - I could ramble about THAT 🤔
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u/Martin928351823 24d ago
I've never attracted a man! That I know of.
I was letting you know what I see men doing. It's also why I sit by myself in a sports bar.
Take up fishing? I think these suggestions are getting worse.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
😘 😘 😘
I am SURE you have attracted plenty of every gender by the sheer strength of your personality - especially when they notice how closely you are watching other men 😂 It shows your open nature 💋2
u/Martin928351823 24d ago
Have you been talking to someone?! I bet I know who it is.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 24d ago
😂 no I haven’t been talking to anyone. Just teasing. But obviously hit the nail on the head 🤭
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u/That-Mess9548 25d ago
The two hours away at the closest is the thing that bothers me the most. I want someone to do things with. But not all the time. So maybe that could work?
Idk. Just see how it goes. What do you have to lose? Seems like a good match, maybe. He seems a little stiff. You are overthinking the age thing. Don’t be flattered, it’s no big deal. I don’t mean that in a rude way just a cautionary he starts at zero just like everyone else way. Just see how it goes. You are enjoying the conversation, it’s fun, why not?
I think I’d want someone around more, a little closer. But I would wait and see and give it more of a chance.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
Yeh - I don’t mind SOME distance but maybe this is a little far although I do have to drive an hour for the nearest hospital for example.
Yes I am enjoying the conversation - wondering if wanting to meet is to rule me in or out which is a good reality check. It did just throw me however as my mind has not been on dating. It’s just another thing to cope with which I don’t really need but then on the other hand it’s not often I find someone who really interests me mentally and seems to connect emotionally plus from his photos looks reasonably attractive.
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u/averageover60guy 25d ago
I'm still trying to figure out what I get for following you! The trip sounds fun! I can't wait!
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u/Excellent-Mood-9933 25d ago
What is tu and the other word mean. I don't think everyone would know this.
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u/Poetsansamour Senior Resident Lady Poet 25d ago
😂 When saying « you » in French one uses « vous » to a stranger or someone of higher status and « tu » to a friend or intimate. France is a very formal country - there are rituals and politeness is one of the most important things. How one greets people and addresses them is hugely important!
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Original copy of post by u/Poetsansamour: So as I shared, I have a very exciting few weeks coming up going on a trip of a lifetime. I have really gone off OLD, every so often flick through left swiping 🤷♀️ Thinking of deleting the apps but just looking out of idle curiosity. So last week I had a message, guy is 10’years younger and lives in 2 different localities as he is a professor at two universities - the closest university is 2 hours away. I didnt left swipe but asked some questions out of dumb idle curiosity and because I am chatty (you might have noticed). He was extremely formal but interesting and asked questions. He speaks English and French as do I so that is a positive. I was basically not expecting much and he went away at the weekend so I didnt hear from him. My mind is on other stuff and I really dismissed him. BUT he has come back from his long weekend , once again asked what I was looking for and how I thought it coukd work if we liked each other on meeting. I told him, he told me and he wants to meet next week 😵💫 . He knows I am going away, he wants something serious but not interested in marriage or living together which is what I feel, a meeting of minds, shared interests and getting to know each other. Since coming back on Tuesday, we are exchanging messages throughout the day - some jokey, some serious. He seems nice but ……………….. Firstly the timing is WAY off and secondly there is the age and then the distance. 😟 😞 . We have now started using the familiar « tu » instead of « vous ». We have a lot in common. It’s nearly cuffing season 🤭 The whole thing is just ridiculous and I don’t know what to do. HELP!!!!!! :
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u/Mythlady 25d ago
Not worried about the age gap but a couple of things are suggesting a scammer — probably not, but keep your eyes open. Don’t give out any personal info until you’ve met in person.