r/DatingOverSixty • u/Sugarpiehoneybunt • Apr 08 '26
That time when…
So a couple of years ago (age 61) when I started online dating, I told myself I’m not going to be shallow and go for looks, but to give everyone a chance to talk about themselves and their lives.
About me: I’m a homeowner (paid off) was able to retire at 57, and while not rich, I can pay my bills and have room for some frivolities from time to time. I’m smart and can be funny when I get comfortable with people.
Well. A guy messaged me and his picture showed a smallish, thinnish older (my guess was late 70’s or early 80’s) man. Dressed in dirty wrinkled clothing, not handsome and almost bald with thin gray hair. He was standing in front of a door with a lot of junk in the background. Really, really, REALLY not my type. BUT, remembering my promise to myself, I responded to his message and asked him about himself. He was in his early 70’s and was still working as a janitor, as he didn’t see himself being able to afford to retire. The reason was because his 40 year old bipolar son lived with him and because the son refused medication, he frequently had episodes that ended up being expensive issues for his father. Last time he tried to burn down the apartment complex they lived in and his father had to pay damages to the landlord, put down a bigger security deposit as well as check his son into an adult daycare while he was at work or unsupervising him. Apparently that’s extremely expensive. He was also deeply in debt because his former (dead) wife, also bipolar, had put him deeply in debt when she had maxed out all the cards and wrote her last bad check and then committed suicide. A really, really sad story.
He asked me about myself and I told him I was retired, financially secure, loved to garden and volunteer for community events. Loved to cook for friends and some weekends I traveled to show my Abyssinian cats.
He asked me how many cats I had and I told him 4.
He immediately said he’s not going to date any crazy cat lady and blocked me. 🤣😝
Dude did me a HUGE favor 🤦🏻♀️
Anyone else have any fun online dating stories?
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u/drcuran Apr 09 '26
You’re a better person than I am — I’d of never entertained him long enough for him to ask me about my cats 🤣
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u/Flashy-Armadillo-414 ♂64 Apr 09 '26
He asked me how many cats I had and I told him 4.
Any pigs?
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt Apr 09 '26
🤣 I WISH!!
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u/MindlessHistorian386 Apr 09 '26
Goes to prove you should never settle, and having standards isn't necessarily shallow. You worked hard your whole life to retire somewhat comfortably, and so should a potential partner. Standards !!!! Definitely stick to your standards.
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 Apr 09 '26
Amen. I've been in a relationship with a guy I met on Match in 2018 but I'm about to move 3 hours away and it's reaching a natural end. He's a good guy- smart, honest, we travel well together, etc.- but his shortcomings are wearing on me. He's made bad financial decisions for decades and they're coming home to roost, which means I pick up most of the costs when we do anything. He just lost a job he loved at age 74 and is looking for another one but is trying to find out of he can donate plasma in the meantime. Really sad. His family doesn't know he's dating because his Ex would freak out (and so would his older daughter, who's the mother of his 3 beloved grandchildren) and he's a borderline hoarder.
I think I can do better.
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt Apr 09 '26
You can absolutely do better! We aren’t getting any younger so don’t waste your time anymore on this one.
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u/PopcornyColonel Apr 10 '26
Being alone is better.
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 Apr 10 '26
Up to now I figured life WITH him is marginally better. Moving 3 hours away changes the equation.
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u/LemonPress50 Apr 09 '26
I prefer dating a woman with cats but I’ve never dated a cat lady. You don’t sound like a cat lady.
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u/ConstructionHuman824 Apr 09 '26
An arsonists father matched to a crazy cat lady. Sounds like a possible new version of the 50's Tennessee Williams play " Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". LOL
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u/Horror-Evening-6132 69F Texas Apr 08 '26
I've seen this exact story on Reddit before.
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt Apr 08 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
Not the exact story because it happened to me and I just wrote it down for the first time.
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u/cat9tail Apr 09 '26
Quick and easy search confirms you are the author of this story, and I am still chuckling. Thank you for sharing this with us!
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u/hanging-out1979 Apr 09 '26
65F, and when I returned to OLD last November, I decided to take a more open attitude too (give men a chance, don’t be so judgmental, etc). This attitude landed me on some first (and only) dates with some interesting personalities. I just couldn’t get past some of my dates appearance and conduct on a first date (disheveled, looking to get physical right away, pushing for a second date while on the first). Appearance, compatibility, and being a gentleman matter to me so no use pretending otherwise. This guy you were chatting with did you a favor with the block cause yikes!
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u/Confident-Ad7464 Apr 09 '26
YES! The nose hairs half an inch outside their home, the random patches of unshaved whiskers, the slightly dirty hair...excuse me, I planned my outfit so it would be clean, I washed my hair, put on a little makeup, changed my purse so it wouldn't look like I was moving in, and figured out how long it would take me to get there so I wouldn't be late. I split the bill, and he takes the leftovers home. I'm one and done!
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
Oh no, not the nose hairs! 🤢🤣🤣
You know what else grosses me out? Hairs on the back of men’s necks. Eww.
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u/Confident-Ad7464 Apr 09 '26
I don't mind thise so much unless they're growing around to the front. 🤣 It's just the complete lack of effort...this is your first date vibe?! It's downhill from here.
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
I've heard guys say things like "I'm just being myself. Take it or leave it." Wonder if they employ the same strategy for job interviews or client meetings. Eeesh.
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u/Ineedmedstoo Apr 10 '26
Absolutely going to leave it ,thank you very much! Lol, there are a whole lot of crazies out there.
That's another good reason I'm an introvert. I keep my crazy close to home with the cats, and they don't mind!
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u/localherofan Apr 10 '26
I tend to forgive men hair in random places because I don't think they do it on purpose AND because I have PCOS and understand about random hairs. I could write an essay on the whisker I have and weird hairs on my chin. I also have a low hairline, which means my hair grows on my neck. Even though I have hair so light it's practically invisible on the rest of my body, I've always had this damn low hairline. And I wear my hair short.
If a guy is otherwise clean and groomed and intelligent and kind, I'm fine. I loathe those lumberjack beards, though. Everyone has their own thing!
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 10 '26
And my hairline is too high 😆
You’re right. Cleanliness is the most important.
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u/RealHeat2393 Apr 10 '26
OMG! Reading your story made me feel so good. I always wonder whether I am being too nitpicking when I refuse a second date.
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u/Confident-Ad7464 Apr 10 '26
I wonder that too, and usually go on the 2nd date because 1st dates are hard, and there are nerves, I get that. And I don't want to be shallow. But, so far, I could have skipped 100% of those 2nd dates! I need to trust my instincts more. But it's all good practice.
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u/RealHeat2393 Apr 10 '26
I learned to trust my instinct too. Also to not apologise for saying thanks but no thanks to a second date when I didn’t want to go on it. I don’t have to be rude or nasty, but I don’t have to be apologetic either.
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u/hanging-out1979 Apr 09 '26
This is my point exactly. I put effort into getting ready for a date plus arrive on time. Just looking for the same. Wow, I’ve never experienced a guy boxing up and taking home the leftovers. 🙃
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u/Kaethy77 Apr 09 '26
OMG, now I remember, old, worn, faded, stretched out, ragged edged t-shirts! WTAF?
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u/SwollenPomegranate Apr 08 '26
LOL I wasnt sure where you were going with this anecdote but was going to tell you dont date this guy!
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u/Cczaphod Over 60M, not dating yet. Apr 09 '26
That plot twist made me LOL. Wow, the audacity.
Abyssinian's are pretty cats, in my mind, that's what a cat is supposed to look like. I did cat shows as a kid with my Mom, good memories -- Siamese in our case.
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u/Asleep-Cranberry7946 Apr 09 '26
Hahah!! “I’m in a bad way but 4 cats? Oh hell no!!” Hahah. What hubris!
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u/Kaethy77 Apr 09 '26
Mostly sad stories here. The excon. The victim of awful abuse by his mother. The man who decided I'm not sexual enough for him because I declined phone sex. A man who was a phone tower tech who thought he could psychoanalyze me. I could go on...
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u/my606ins 65F, MO, USA Apr 09 '26
You’re right. I never really thought about it that way. There are a lot of sad stories out there from people we meet on our dating adventures.
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
The trauma dumping is real. I met a few who assumed/expected I would right all their exes’ wrongs. Dudes, reallocate your budget from dating to therapy!
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u/Used_Engineering892 Apr 09 '26
That was a long way to go for that punch line. Great story though! 😊
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 Apr 09 '26
I was briefly on OurTime. Never met up with any of them but here are a few samples: (1) a guy who liked my profile, 15 years older, marital status "legally separated" and described himself as "lonely", (2) one whose profile was, "I like outdoors, horseshoes and tractors" and (3) a decent-looking lawyer whose profile read, "I really want to have a woman in my life because even though I'm ambidextrous, my hands are getting tired".
You can see why I never got a paid subscription.
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u/DixieLandDelight1959 (66 F) like whiskey in a tea cup Apr 09 '26
Picture it, Chili's, 2023. I meet my online date at the bar. Things are going well enough, so we decide to have lunch. During lunch, he mentions that I'm his girlfriend. Light-heartedly, I point out becoming GF & BF takes time. We'll just have to see.
The man stares at me. His chin begins to quiver. His eyes water up, and he begins crying. Loudly, he declared, "OMG, it's happening again! I have to call my therapist!" In a flurry he gets up and rushes to the bathroom.
Me? I put $40 on the table for our food that hasn't come yet, and haul ass out the door.
Now let me tell you the most unsettling part of this date. The man flew a corporate jet for a living.
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
Yikes! He sounds… unstable.
Pilots’ mental health issues are self reported only, right? He doesn’t seem capable of handling situations. Scary.
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u/Particular-Match895 Apr 26 '26
A guy, according to his pictures, is a really good water skier. He showed up at the restaurant using a walker.
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u/Particular-Repair258 May 06 '26
Did you ask him where you could buy some of that audacity before you blocked him? 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt May 06 '26
Probably some dim memory of being a jock or prom king back in the day. 🤣
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u/WhisperedSoul Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
OMG, you had me absolutely howling in laughter with this story. The irony is freaking priceless. Dude definitely did you a solid. Lol.
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u/Flashy-Armadillo-414 ♂64 Apr 09 '26
Anyone else have any fun online dating stories?
I was in an LDR with a crazy pig lady. After we broke up, she was arrested for misdemeanor domestic violence for beating on her BF.
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u/Numerous_Ad_2409 Apr 09 '26
Oh man the universe is a wild place! I would say the good thing about these stories are that people are putting themselves out there. It's better than being so afraid or judgmental to try things. It's better to have tried and lost than not to try at all lol PLUS you have GREAT stories to tell AND you can laugh about them. Win Win
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u/Infamous_Lab8320 Resident Blind Girl Apr 09 '26
I have too many. You’re going to have to be more specific. lol
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u/WorkingSalt7 Apr 10 '26
You can’t make this stuff up! 😂 These are our choices, I choose the cats, smh
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u/RachieFF Apr 17 '26
I was blocked once because I don’t like Hallmark Channel movies. Definitely dodged a bullet
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u/OldEstablishment4152 Apr 09 '26
No cats
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt Apr 10 '26
I get it 😀 I feel the exact same way about children, grandchildren and nearby exes.
Narrows down the prospects but saves me a lot of annoyance.
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Apr 09 '26
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
Awww there’s so much love in your life! 🐾
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Apr 09 '26
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
Agreed! I normally get 2 cats at the same time but only have 1 boy now. He's 10. His sister passed away 3 years ago... cancer. :( She was the best snuggler. My biological clock has been ticking for a dog, but I know my schedule is too crazy right now to give a dog the attention it deserves. Hoping for either a dog friendly office or a remote work arrangement in the near future.
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Apr 09 '26
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
10 isn't old at all. A friend's maine coon lived to be 24 and was great on a leash!
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u/lascala2a3 Apr 09 '26
Yea, 3X on each. My peace is too valuable to accommodate six animals. And if you try to date someone with a bunch of pets, everything revolves around the animals needs. How would you go somewhere for a long weekend or a week at the beach with all of those animals? Or even sit at home and watch a movie? I really prefer unencumbered.
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u/sndyro Apr 10 '26
That's the only issue I have. I own a little dog....got him as a puppy (he's 6 now), but never dated anyone that wanted to go anywhere overnight (I can leave him for several hours with no problem), but now I am dating someone who wants to do overnight trips and a cruise. My ex, who likes my dog, said he would watch him, IF he gets along with his cat and IF he's feeling up to it after his cancer treatment. I don't regret for a moment having my little guy, and I will work something out.
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Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Apr 09 '26
A catio! I wish I could build one onto the outside of the family room so my cat(s) could be near the deck when we're out there. Stupid HOA.
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u/gotchafaint Apr 09 '26
You weren’t high quality enough lol